France – Initiation Part IV

Dear Reader, thank you for visiting. This blog is a continuation of my story about  journeys and experiences in France.  The story has taken longer to write about than the actual time in France!  This is because the story is actually woven into a very large part of my life and is evidence of how spirituality and awareness unfolds and expands in the living mystery school we call life … you can find all the parts on the France Pilgrimages menu tab.

Rennes-les-Bains
Peter and I had taken a long journey in many senses of the word to get here. There was a sense of home-coming and some relief at reaching Rennes-Les-Bains.  We both had our own as well as shared memories and I think we were feeling the sense of the great wheel turning on being back here. For me it was bitter-sweet to be back here with the memories of exactly 3 years ago in 2014.   So much of my life experiences are connected to this place; it seems that Rennes-Les-Bains is somehow acting like a pivot around which much has turned.   We arrived mid evening and found our accommodation to be quite basic, or even a little grim in fact. It’s a small village and there seems to be a dearth of nice self-catering places to stay but never mind, it was in a great location only steps away from the main square and frankly, it was enough just to be here.

Rennes-les-Bains is of course deep in the well-known mystery that surrounds the area and the village of Rennes-les-Château. For me though the area now is much more about the deeper mystery of the eternal feminine.

We had booked 3 nights here and were looking forward to relaxing, travelling little and allowing things to organically unfold.  I had a mystery to follow; that of discovering the source of the salty River Sals which runs through the area.  This river is where Magdalene was said to carry out baptisms, in the Fontaine d’amour (and you can see my photos from the 2014 retreat in the first part of this blog series).  The subject of salt, and source, had come intuitively to me during the inner instruction I received about re-visiting France again in 2017.  Though it was a rather sparse, vague intimation, I knew immediately that it was a deep and significant intimidation of many layers and felt too it was connected with the River Sals.

I knew that the reference to salt was also about the alchemy and metaphysical subject of salt and I have carried out a good deal of research and searching on this and at the same time I am aware that it is often better to leave aside looking into what others have written or discovered about salt as this does create preconception. I know that direct experiential insight, ‘knowing’ is in fact a far more powerful experience and learning for me than any research I might have done. The reference to salt was not new to me either as on and off for some years now I had pondered on salt and the deeper meanings/function of it for some years. In particular this quote from the bible was something that I kept on coming across:

“Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can you make it salty again?”

Since I first became aware of the quote I wondered about it and it now rings so true for me for I know I lost much of my flavour over the past few years and this trip was working to restore it in a multi-dimensional way.

This more recent salt/source intimation was somewhat ‘validated’ during a conversation I had with an acquaintance who guides people around the area and appeared to have made a similar connection.  My agenda for Rennes-Les-Bains therefore was to find the source of the Sals!

A Magical Meeting

The next day was another beautiful sunny day and after a lazy morning we headed to the square. We ordered a pizza and beer and reminisced about the extraordinary coincidences of 2014 dining there with Taj and each spotting an acquaintance we knew, who were actually dining together!

We were also chatting about the source of the Sals and doing some internet searching on the topic. I had just been talking to Peter about a friend Marie, whose house we almost stayed in 3 years ago, might know the location as her house was in Sougraine, the village just beyond Rennes and where the river would be sourced above. Though she no longer lived in the area I was about to message her and at that moment my attention was drawn to the sound of a car door shutting and I watched as a lovely woman jauntily moved down the street and into the square.  Now I had only met Marie the once, but this looked very like her.  I just stared as she passed, incredulous and yet not believing it could be her – I meant here are coincidences and synchronicities but really?  Anyway, she passed me by without recognition and went into a house in the square…I sent the text anyway.

Five minutes later, as I was watching the house in the corner she emerged without her sunglasses, I had also removed mine.  There was no doubt now that it was Marie!  As it usual in these serendipitous moments we were both delighted and somewhat awestruck, even slightly overwhelmed at the odds of it happening and we had a sweet, tearful reunion. She was only here for another hour and had been visiting her daughter in another village and popped into Rennes to see an old friend.  Marie now lived in Berlin and had an hour before leaving to catch her flight back.

Though she had no clue about the source of the river Sals, both Peter and I had at the moment Marie came over, simultaneously found the same site on the internet which gave precise directions to the source.  Marie’s surname sounds like river (I won’t give the actual spelling to protect her identity) and of course, her first name is Mary.

All this is what I nowadays refer to ‘resonance’ happening – I used to think of it as synchronicity until an experience a few years ago changed the way I interpret reality and I began to move from seeing events as cause and effect to seeing reality created through sympathetic vibrational resonance. (See this blog for more on resonance) When things/events became so inter-linked that I couldn’t make sense anymore about how such unlikely things could be happening, I had to find another explanation, as cause and effect were simply too limited to explain the reality I was experiencing.  Once I began to see events through the eyes of resonance, it became a lot easier to understand how even the most outrageous of synchronicities and coincidences happen, and to some extent, it removed a large part of the mystery, some might say magic, of such experience.  This is only part of the case as along with understanding of how we create reality comes peace. However there is no doubt that the ‘entertainment’ value of synchronicities, the fascination in them, starts to diminish once you see how resonance works in the creation of reality.

It is true that the whole of the France trip itself including the planning and aftermath was an experience of resonance at work and this worked like a spiral, gradually becoming more obvious and powerful as we reached the centre, which was Rennes-les-Bains in 2017 just as it was for me in 2014.  When I’m there it feels like I am in the centre point of a gravitational pull where the veil is so thin, where there is no time between cause and effect and simple imagining can makes things happen almost instantaneously.

Here in the Languedoc we knew we were at the centre; the deepest, most southerly part of our journey geographically, literally and emotionally. Our activities here were to be deep in nature, springs, mountains, rivers, cave…deep earthly experiences and deep in body, relaxing, massage, resting. We had all in all 5 days in the south after which it was our turn around to head north and east. Right now though we were heading in the beautiful sunshine out on a short journey to Sougraine area to find the salty source which we were happy to discover was very easy to find thanks to the blog. (There’s some great information on the salty source on this blog.)

The Salty Source
Like the blog authors we left the car at the bottom and hoofed it up; it was a lovely walk up beside the river through mountain pasture and I was grateful for the shade of the trees as it was still pretty hot plus I was tired from the journey and lack of sleeping well. We reached a car parking area and found a track up through the woods which opened out onto the clearing and here was the salty source which bubbles up from the ground. All my fatigue instantly vanished and I felt renewed just being here; I felt such joy, peace and comfort being here. I had a lightness of spirit and soul and I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay overnight, to camp out under the stars, and I wanted to bring others here to, just to simply be and soak up the energy of the place.

“Have salt among yourselves, and be at peace with each other” (Mark 9:50b)

This is a quote I just found in the bible (honestly, I hardly know the bible yet it is proving a very interesting source of meaningful and appropriate salty quotes, not to mention giving me some new and deeper interpretations to chew upon.)

We had fun there, like children exploring. We tasted the water and were so astonished at how incredibly salty it was! Apparently at times it can be twice as salty as the Mediterranean and I can easily believe that. We marvelled at how green the algae in the salty water was – how did it manage to grown in such a saline environment? We scrambled up to the source itself, bubbling magically out of the ground through rocks, coming down from Mt Bugarach (which is in itself known as a mysterious, sacred mountain.) A couple of tourists arrived and we had a brief and pleasant conversation with the older lady marvelling at the saltiness; I could tell she was similarly affected by the place. I bathed my feet in the super cold source and we explored the little huts where peasants evaporated water to obtain salt for selling…salt for sale (see how the words are connected here…) Sel-cell-salt-sell-self-sel(scot’s for self)-sale (Italian for salt) sel (French).

In the months after France I have continued to meditate and research on salt and my understanding is expanding on this vast topic – I am now more interested and fascinated than ever to discover how incredibly significant this humble compound is no matter which level of interest is looked at. Today I came across the term ‘A Covenant of Salt’ which is found in the Old Testament 3 times. As I said, I am by no means a scholar on the bible, however over the years ‘knowings’ which have come to me are often to be found in the bible and I have learned that the truth is not restricted to one place or another, nor one book or another, but in a ‘both and’ way and not in an ‘either or’ manner.

A Covenant of Salt is an eternal covenant; one which cannot be broken.  This I sense refers not only to an agreement between people, and between people and God, but on a much deeper level, this is an agreement between us and our Source. Are we are a compound that cannot be unmade? Salt of the earth =truthful and with integrity.  These are not just fanciful descriptions – they are facts of existence, and there is no choice in the matter – they are so. The attributes are not separate from the substance, so the substance must be that too.

The Weather Turns
The next day autumn arrived early to the South of France. The weather was cooler but fine for a morning walk around the village to the red spring/source and Seat of Isis – I’ve little to report on that as it’s another well-known power point that I feel very little at and I went there to see if that had changed much, but it hadn’t and though I felt a deep sense of calm in the chair there isn’t much else to share. By afternoon it was raining with unusually cool temperatures of 15C. The weather stayed wet and cold like this for the next day too and we took the opportunity to rest a lot, sleep late, read, talk, cook for ourselves nourishing meals and importantly, give massages.  I’ve mentioned previously that the giving of touch in the form of massage was an important aspect of this trip – though I’ve been in favour of touch and massage for many years now (including doing tantra massage professionally for 9 years) it wasn’t until this trip that I truly, deeply realised just how much it helps in the integration process, and this is of course especially if you’re the type who is in their head a lot, analysing and intellectualising the spiritual initiation and journeys of consciousness. I remember when Deborah Anapol and I were planning the first retreat to France that she said the Gnostic initiates were constantly massaged during certain initiations and this struck me at the time as being accurate and very interesting. I’ve since tried to find confirmation of this unsuccessfully.

Ussat-les-Bains – 2 nights
We were supposed to have a guided tour of the Cathar caves of initiation (the same caves I’ve still to write about the first experience in 2014) but our guide had to cancel at the last minute, this wasn’t so much disappointing as a little surprising as we’d only just spoken with him a some days previously to arrange it, plus we discovered our accommodation was only 2 houses away from where he was, so it all seemed to be aligned nicely.  However it wasn’t to be and we decided we would try and find the caves ourselves, which we did and spent some time in the dark inside the complex of 7 caverns. We just stayed at the entrance to it and I confess I was afraid to go into a complex not knowing if I would get lost. Peter however had no such fear and next time he said he would go through the complex. Even that gives me cause for fear and I’d probably be worried about him not coming back out!!  We then found the Bethlehem cave which is the cave of final initiation of the Cathar initiates. This is the cave that has the pentagram carved into the wall where in 2014 I got up into it but this time I was less fit and didn’t try it.  Peter did very ably though and then later on he gave me more massage – what a guy.

Situated in the Ariège River valley, Ussat-les-Bains, like Rennes-les-Bains,  is also a thermal spa well known for its rich mineral water with curative properties.  There’s another village joined to it called Ornaloc and the commune is referred to as Ornolac-Ussat-les-Bains.

So the theme of water, springs, salt, mineral water, rivers, caves, nature was evident here too.

From Ussat we headed west via Montsegur Castle which we only looked at from the road.  We then headed to Nebias and spent a good couple of hours in the breathtakingly beautiful and mystical Labyrinthe Verte . Once again I had bitter-sweet memories as the previous time I’d been here was with my now ex-husband  whilst staying at Monsegur however the beautiful sunny day, the company, both human and nature spirits, worked magic upon me and my mood lifted quickly. This place is deepest green nature, thick with nature spirits. It wasn’t until we were leaving that we realised that we’d gone through three distinctive levels or zones at this place, both physically and energetically. This mirrored our overall trip and also that of entering a cathedral building – through the entrance vestibule, then the nave and then the apse/altar. Some may also notice this is also echoing that of the triple goddess, with maiden, mother and crone. Or Virgin Mary, Mary Magdalene and Black Madonna/Virgin.   For me this trinity ‘pattern’ was to come to life even more vividly during my final massage with Peter after we returned to his home in Paris.

Heading North and West
North east onto Sete that evening to stay with a dear friend of Peter’s for 2 nights. I’d thought about visiting Beziers or somewhere else but in Sete we had lovely weather gain and I was feeling I’d had quite enough of Cathar and deeply emotional/spiritual experiences! Instead we had delightful meals out and explored the town with Peter’s friend. I really appreciate the opportunity to have such amazing changes in scene and content – the variety is a balm to my soul.

From Sete we headed a little north to Saint Maries de la Mer where we had lunch and visited the chapel.  I had a profound experience which started on the beach as we arrived, remembrances of incredibly happy times though I’d not been there in this lifetime. I was highly energised. The chapel felt like home to me – I remembered it and the feeling of being there was deeply nurturing. I walked up the aisle like I owned it – so interesting to get that sense of complete and utter ‘rightness of being’.  It is built on an underground spring which is visible from the chapel but not accessible, said to be the reason Mary Magdalene chose the spot to make home in. Yet another spring/source and by the time I had got this far, the theme of water, springs, source, salt was evident though not the meaning. There is also the famous  salt – Fleur de Sel de Camargue from the area which is associated to Mary Magdalene by the pilgrims and seekers who come to this place.

The energy/area of the Camargue is incredible and I find it hard to describe it – it definitely reminded me of Corsica, and there is indeed something very different about it, as if it were another country almost. Certainly it evoked or awakened cellular memory for me and touched me profoundly.  I can feel it now in my body as I tune into the area as I write about it.

Our next stop was Aix en Province – this was unscheduled until we got to Rocamadour when Peter received a call from a lady connected to his friend in Sete; she was asking him about tantra massages for herself and a friend.  Why not call in after Sete then?  They were delighted and so she hosted us overnight in her beautiful home in Aix-en-Province.

From Aix we headed north with an overnight stay in Vienne which is a town I felt resistance to once I was there, especially in the cathedral, though it was probably Peter’s favourite cathedral. Next day we head back to Paris which was a long drive and it was very good to get back home to Peter’s apartment.

I’d like to finish here and leave the last part for another day because what happened to me during a final massage from Peter was one of the most extraordinary revelations of my life and gave me knowing (gnosis) on the nature of reality, religion, the Virgin Mary, Mary Magdalene, the Black Madonna and Nature herself.

If you’d like to see more pics of the trip: https://photos.app.goo.gl/19PiPuhU3U2w3BM43

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France ~ Initiation (Part II)

Dear Reader, as this story directly continues from France-Initiation (Part I), may I suggest you start there before reading this as otherwise it won’t really make much sense.

*****

At the end of the first part France–Initiation (Part I) I was telling you about the devastation I felt at the death of a story I’d been carrying for many years, upon which much of my sense of self was built. The death of an ‘inner story character’ is literally is like a death of a self, albeit a false self but that it is false is not known until the moment of the death-blow. That sort of experience is like the tarot card ‘The Tower’ and it was not without a sense of irony that I remembered the name ‘Magdalene’ has been translated to mean tower.

That Taj (Deborah) seemed fine, even excited, about my 180 degree turnabout was an exceedingly healing experience for me and taught me that there were some people who did indeed embrace the unexpected and change, and that here was a great friend indeed who appreciated me for who and what I was – and not for who and what I thought I was, or who I thought I should be.

This was a great antidote to the pattern of “I’ve made my bed and now I must lie in it”, which quite literally does of course mean lying to self, and others. This particular pattern I see in myself and other women, though there are men who carry it as well.  I feel it is a (false/shadow) feminine pattern and it goes along with the fear that women/the feminine are/is always changing their/its minds, that they can’t be relied upon, they are emotional, are not dependable, unpredictable, uncontrollable, not understandable, not logical. In other words, not safe, dangerous! It’s quite easy to dismiss this one yet in my experience it shows up in people on a daily basis and mainly you can see this through its counterpart which is the rigid, fixed mentality of authority. (Interestingly enough, this same pattern was to rear its head in 2017 when I was planning the return to France.)

Deborah and I went ahead and recorded our free introductory teleseminar the next day. I’d love to tell you that it worked out even better than it would have done before I had my turnabout, but it did not. In fact I didn’t feel it went well at all. I felt challenged to find my voice and more so that I’d lost the thread of what I wanted to share, and also that I couldn’t properly articulate what I was going through. Taj however thought differently, she really enjoyed it and had no criticisms of my contribution. I’ve not been able to bear even the thought of listening to the video since then.* (for update – see end of blog)

Knowing our next one was due on February 22nd I decided to let things settle for a few days. But they didn’t and if anything, I felt even more strongly about things. The energy was gone for me and I couldn’t get it back.  I went ahead and told Taj I couldn’t continue with the teleseminar series nor the week-long retreat we’d planned.  I felt terrible about it all.

Continue reading

Karma

Should I Shouldn’t I?

Frozen. Unable to decide.

Unable to move.

Frozen in time, yet time is my enemy

Wasting time. Wasting life.

What if? What if I don’t’ choose the right thing?

What if I fail?

What if I’m wrong?

I pause in  my freeze

I breathe. Whose rules are they anyway?

There is no wrong, no right, there is just….what?

There is just experience, just experiences

Life, lived, I

The Divine shines through a unique lens,

It’s me, it’s only me.

Tea or coffee then?

Hmmm…

The door closes behind me as I walk away forever.

©Lynn Paterson 2015

Cry of the Wild

Some years ago I was interacting with an archangel called Ariel. These interactions took the form of both channelled sessions and more intimate personal interaction through the mind/heart. In the channelled sessions I got to exchange verbal communication which was wonderful, and dialoguing with an 11th dimensional entity was tremendously exciting to me, especially as I’d been fascinated with angelic consciousness for some years. Ariel was a fabulous teacher and a wonderful friend – I was profoundly moved each time we connected through the channel, who was Isaac George, my partner at the time. Thanks to Isaac and Ariel, I got to explore many metaphysical topics and matters of conscious evolution as well as very personal issues and healing too.

There was one session which included a conversation about the nature of consciousness, which was a common topic of ours. When talking of consciousness, what needs to be understood is that perspective changes everything and the nature of consciousness depends entirely on individual perspective and as such is not a static understanding, but a fluid, ever changing knowing, of understanding, and lack of understanding. However, that does not distract from the power of the moment in which I saw clearly for the first time how consciousness acts upon itself to ‘reunite’ itself.

As Ariel talked, I listened with my whole body, allowing the body and mind to soften, relax and open and did not attempt to interpret or analyse what I was hearing. (This is a method I recommend and continue to employ and share today.) What I saw was that consciousness is all that there is. There is consciousness that knows this, and there is consciousness that doesn’t remember this (yet). That which knows acts upon that which does not know. Or it could also be said that as we remember  and align with ourselves, everything re-constitutes itself to reflect/show that. Ariel explained “When you embody the Source consciousness with your particular faculties, you are in a position to demonstrate it. And when you are in a position to demonstrate it and you do that, everything around you re-constellates without you even thinking of doing that.” This is consciousness acting upon itself.

I saw completely without doubt or any possibility of failure, that consciousness will succeed in having its way, because there is nothing other than consciousness, and in truth there is no ‘way’ as such. There is no stopping consciousness. Indeed, even to use the word ‘stop’ infers it is possible to stop, and this is simply not the case. One might say consciousness is like the most virulent, unstoppable virus affecting everything in its path, with nothing escaping; but this still does not fully describe the truth, power and ‘isness’ of consciousness.’ It is all there is. There is no success or failure possible, everything just ‘is’.

This was a tremendously exciting vision of the nature of consciousness and it gave me incredible hope and trust in the world we live in. I came into the peace of knowing that there is really nothing that needs to be done. I knew it was simply a matter of time till consciousness ‘healed’ itself and that, whilst I may wish things to speed up and improve, I had to let all ideas of timing go. It was a process already under way and I was but a part of a great ocean and yet that ocean would not be the same without me. Session over, but still contemplating this revelation, I wandered out into the back garden and just stood in the beautiful evening sunshine in the midst of nature, in the quiet of the countryside near to Loch Lomond. A thought crossed my mind that as I must be patient, it was indeed the most idyllic location to be patient in and my heart opened more with the gratitude of being here, immersed in nature, and through that, connected with the world as a whole. I saw myself in future moments, coming out here again and again, standing in this beautiful place and just feeling the world soul, nature and the humans within it. In such timeless moments we become aware of the eternal nature of who we really are.

As I breathed and meditated with this, my mind opened to a question, “I wonder what how this transformation of consciousness will actually look like as it happens. How will things change?”

An image arose in my mind of women going out into their back yards, gardens, to small concrete or paved areas, out onto the back street, on the beach, in the woods, somewhere, anywhere, but standing out there and sounding their voice without inhibition. I saw ordinary women from all over the world doing this. Some were screaming, some howling, others crying, or shouting, or yelling, some were doing all of the above. Some of these women were shouting because they were happy, some were very sad and full of grief, others so angry and as mad as hell. There were anxious, fearful women and those who were joyful and ecstatic. There were those who were quietly, desperately depressed and hopeless. Many women were lonely and isolated. All ordinary, no matter who or what they were, and their ordinariness was remarkable; it did not matter who the woman was, or what she had or hadn’t done in the world, her voice was her voice, unique and welcome on Earth. They were just doing what all women may do naturally when not concerned with how it looks or whether they’ll be called unreasonable, hysterical or emotional – they were just being themselves. They were women who on one level or another, were awakening to the truth of their feelings; they were not thinking about their feelings, they were expressing them, in the moment.

What struck me as most remarkable was that each woman was simply just doing ‘her thing’ with no preconceived idea of whether it would change anything or indeed matter in any way at all. I saw thousands of women around the globe doing this, yet I saw no plan or coordinated event, no direction, no aim; in fact, nothing but the wild cry of woman. Every woman is whole and autonomous; a universe in herself, diverse, unique and at the same time part of a collective. I understood that the collective does not come first; the individual experience must come first, and from there a collective forms itself, naturally. We’ve had the collective ideal, ‘for the greatest good of all’ and it doesn’t work. Whilst there is a common situation, we cannot rely on current ideologies to ‘fix’ things because that is exactly what happens – they get ‘fixed’ in place and are unmovable, dead, devoid of life. Unity cannot be imposed upon self by some higher grand idealism – it must come as a side-effect of coming into wholeness on an individual basis. Truly there is no greater good for the whole if it compromises an individual’s sovereignty.

In this vison of transformation, individuation is where the power is, not on any belief of solidarity. That does not render solidarity as undesirable. All it means is that for there to be the realisation of full potential for humanity, sovereignty or autonomous self, oneself must come first and foremost. Why? Because the very act of each being themselves creates a whole, a harmony that is wild and free, not forced or contrived, borne of effort and trying to change something; neither was it derived from thoughts that ‘we should’ or ‘it ought to be this way or that’.

This is why the uncoordinated, unplanned, unrehearsed, combined voices of women, long unsung and longing to be heard, do in fact matter, and matter quite literally. For what I saw was these unrehearsed, spontaneous cries joined together through sympathetic vibrations, growing through resonances into powerful waves of sound that quite literally break up matter. They were turning into dust all that is not in harmony with nature; it reminded me of the old biblical story of the Walls of Jericho. I saw the old world quickly crumbling away and new harmonious buildings and infrastructure taking the place of that which is out of harmony. It happened very rapidly in my vision, like a movie on fast forward. I realised it would not really happen like that; it would more likely be a very gradual process and the power of the resonant waves of women would change the world.

It was staggering to see how potentially powerful our own sound is and that each one’s voice affects the whole. When we are spontaneous, free and unrehearsed, we are in the moment and there is no separation of self from experience. It is so powerful that, even without trying to change anything, everything will change, as we simply do what we’ve held back for centuries, let free our cry of the wild.

A final thought entered my mind: That which has been made, may be unmade.

Lynn Paterson 2016 ©

With thanks to Peter, a retired physicist friend of mine who helps me make sense of these experiences and put them into understandable concepts. Edited by Andrew Jurascheck

 

“Everything is determined, the beginning as well as the end, by forces over which we have no control. It is determined for the insect as well as for the star. Human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper.” ~ Albert Einstein

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The Opportunity of Intensity

This is another message from The Beloved within.  It’s from a few years ago now but still feels relevant.  I hope it feeds some souls.  Blessings.

Hi….

Did you remember to breathe?  Are you breathing consciously now?

Whether our experience of intensity is great or small it matters not – intensity is there asking us to grow to include the current experience.  We are not our current experience but usually we believe we are.  It is a stage on the cycle of growth… once we see intensity as an opportunity for growth and expansion, the cycle will become a spiral of knowledge as perspective will have changed.

Breath is always the key to integrating in the moment ‘the overwhelm’ feeling  that experience becomes when we believe we are not big enough or not ‘something’ enough.  When we believe we are only this or that, rather than everything, then experience becomes intense because we perceive there to be a great enough difference between ‘this’ or ‘that’, or ‘self’ and ‘other’. This makes us feel even smaller and less than because we have perceived something as outside of ourselves. So often you hear people saying “this is greater than both of us”… this is a misunderstanding…there is nothing greater than me or you or us.  The ‘us’ is the remembering of who we truly are but the part of me that does not yet remember fully is now trying to cope with the expansion it is currently experiencing.

ALLOWING is necessary for this stage plus some breaking down of structures previously created, so you can grow to include this experience.

Intensity is not always noticed when there is a small difference between this or that. Becoming sensitive to the difference is the key, and that means getting used to intensity.

Cycles within cycles are always happening, allowing the expansion, integrating the new experience, creating new structures, re-defining picture of self, breaking down structures… etc. but these cycles are all happening at the same time. It’s not some neat pattern where we only get to see one part of the cycle happening at a time, there is always cycles within cycles happening all the time.

There is no perfect way to do relationship!  There is not an ideal way of being or doing.  Let go of the identification with your experience – it’s just experience and that is growth.  Allow this experience without having to change it or give it marks out of ten.  Give yourself space to integrate.  Give yourself permission to fall apart as your structures disintegrate yet again.  Enjoy the new structures of self-definition that occur to you as a result of your integration… this is called realisation… then allow the next experience without having to define is according to your new definition of yourself!!!

OF COURSE you will struggle with this as you are both human and divine and it is so easy to ‘lose’ yourself inbetween… but really the truth is not that you lose yourself, it’s that you have yet to know WHO YOU ARE. You are already ‘lost’ in Oneness or another way to say it is that on one level,  that you already know yourself to be everything.  You are here to individuate.  But how can God individuate without the cycles of growth?  How can we as God know ourselves to be THAT until we are THAT?  Only through KNOWING that experience is simply growth, and not who we are. When God (us) redefines herself she then KNOWS she is that, and that, and that over there too… and yet, not just that either because already the next cycle has overlapped the current one because God is always growing and experiencing something new.  There is always something new happening, change is always occurring and that doesn’t change 🙂

Relationship is there to help you define who you are, and who you are not. When you already have the innate ability to be at one with everything, then how would you manage to know this to be so unless something comes along to show you that?  Your gift is to share with others your ability of being at One with everything – it’s not a curse or a fault.

You describe your experience as an issue, yet you are truly seeing the other as an angel and this is accurate.  Yet you cannot see yourself as this! So it’s very one-sided – hence the purpose of relationship because without there being ‘an other’ it would be impossible to be see this.  This is just God having a new experience through the gift of relationship.

Yes… so it’s very one-sided when we meet an other because one hand we are reminded of our true nature, and yet as that happens, we do not allow ourselves to believe we are that also. WHY? Because we believe we are not good enough to be that due to shame. Everything after that comes from guilt of not being good enough, so we endlessly try to make up the deficit of not being good enough.  Unfortunately this is an endless game because there is no such thing as deficit (debt). Why? Because there is no-one else to be indebted to.

Call on Spirit to help you release all shame from your Being, from deep inside every single cell in your physical body. Give yourself the time to allow your experiences without having to decide what next to do.  With one hand, touch/grip the back of your head where it meets the neck (occiput) and with the other, the base of spine (coccyx) and command, “Activate and Integrate NOW”.  Say it 3 times.  This will help.  Do the same for perineum and crown.

Ultimately I would say that you think you are failing at this, yet you are aware of where you have elevated someone above you (made special) and so I must ask the question, how conscious is that?  Very.

And because you ‘see’, you will not be making the same ‘mistakes’ you made before; you have grown and are now coming from a difference perspective than before. The unsettledness is simply evidence of your growth stage. You will get to the stage of comfort when you redefine yourself, but that too will not last.  We do not like the integration part of the process (the magnetic phase) because that part is feminine and we have decided as a collective not to accept the feminine.

You will never make safe the growth process, and if you did, it would not be growth. You will never manage to restrict relationship even if you were temporarily able to define it.  So what does doing it on a practical level actually mean?  Where have you become attached to your ideas of that?

Yes, yes, yes to intensity….Breathe and allow it to pass through you as if you are transparent, made of gauze… ripples moving through a beautiful lake, from the core of yourself out through your body and fields spherically.

 

Lynn’s observations: From my work in helping people to grow to include more pleasure, I see that intensity and our need to restrict and control it comes from fear of it – most people say NO to intensity which doesn’t stop the intensity of course because you cannot stop it.  So you still get intensity. Trying to slow it down, or divert it somehow doesn’t work either, so no matter what you ultimately do, you will grow through intensity whether you say yes or not to it, because it happens anyway!  That is the joke of free will.

Don’t forget to laugh at yourself too, and to admire and congratulate yourself too – like you were observing a child having experiences.

Reminiscing…

One day about 10 years ago, I was driving along in my car and an old familiar song came on the radio.  It took me back years and in an instant I was once again 17 years of age.

I began to feel immersed in the reminiscing.  You know that energy? A sweet sorrow – bitter/sweet… a very poignant feeling of wistfully wishing I was there again because it was so much better back then than it was now… ahh…yes how wonderful it all was then…

Or was it?

Was it really better back then than it was right now?

Because right now was pretty superb actually – I was just in the beginning of a fabulous new relationship, new house, and supremely happy, more so than any other time in my life.

Yet here I was wishing I was in another time and space, convinced by this reminiscing energy that I was better off then.  So I asked myself in a no-nonsense way and realised that of course it wasn’t better then!  It is just some misperception that makes the past seem better or preferable to the present.  In fact I reckoned that in another few years I’d be doing exactly the same thing about this time in my life!

Such mind games!

Perhaps it is unreal yet it is also so believable and real in the moment it is happening. If we just take it a face value and not question, then we simply continue believing it. It stays real for us. So although the experience of reminiscing is not altogether unpleasant it does have a rather melancholy aspect to it and a strange addictive self-indulgent tendency most definitely leaning towards maudlin. Hmmm… I got more curious about the power of this energy and wondered how it worked. In fact, the speed at which my state of mind had changed once the song came on was remarkable and I began to question the reality of this experience we call reminiscing.

So I allowed myself to go back into the reminiscing feeling and very quickly I was feeling less content once more. Having done a fair bit of de-programming of cultural and societal beliefs already, I was equipped to deal with it.   I questioned this energy outright:  Is this Love?  I asked myself.  “NO” was the answer.  “Well if it’s not Love, it’s not Real and I don’t need to believe it any longer.  I let it go now”.

And, it left. Immediately and completely.  100% shift in experience – instantly I felt so much clearer with no energy of reminiscing to be found despite that the song was still playing.

I was left in no doubt that this experience we have of reminiscing is not helpful and is not the truth of who we are.  It’s just another way to continue circulating discontent in our life.

This was a simple thing for me to do as I was well used to de-programming and was able to notice the shift in experience very quickly. The whole experience lasted less than the 31/2 minutes the song played. The key here is being aware of what is happening in one’s own experience and being in choice, not being in ignorance of what is going on and blindly accepting it.

Get in touch if you’d like to work personally with me on building up your tool kit to deal with this sort of stuff in the moment.

©2016 Lynn Paterson

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Mind the Gap!

This is a realisation, and it’s a conversation I had with myself on 15 August 2015.  I’ve written it exactly as I experienced it and have ignored the impulse to make changes to make it make more ‘sense’.  It is as I heard and experienced it and in the moment it made perfect sense. Although I’ve used the term ‘you’ it is not directed at YOU, but a conversation with myself.  I added a bit of an explanation about the game being fun as I know my reaction can often be how is the game fun when there is so much suffering. Lynn

 

MIND THE GAP!

We are wave and particle ~ blinking in and out of existence, first one, then the other:

Blinking in and out of existence, forgetting I am one when I’m the other.  One moment I am this, and then in the next, I am that.  When I am this, I have forgotten I am that.  When I am that, I have forgotten I am this.  It is in the blink of the I (Aye) that forgetting happens – the gap between this and that.  The crack in the paving. Mind the gap.

Let me show you how to remember you are not one or the other; you are I and the other.

The journey into Solace (Soulace) begins by being willing to take the first step.  There is really only ever one step.  One step is all it ever takes.  If you truly believe you have taken more than one step, then there is something you have missed; you’ve either left it behind or sent it ahead of yourself, or shunted it to the side.  You’ve fallen out of step.  There is only one step – it is whole and complete in itself.

What happens when one is fully cognitive of and in each moment?  Well, then there is truly only one moment, over and over again.  Peace in fact. When one is not fully cognitive in the moment, the moment is fragmented, and one is in pieces, to the exact degree of not being fully cognitive.  The moment when you cannot be fully cognitive is going to have to be experienced ‘again’.

Existence and non-existence is simply about where we place focus. If we are able to focus on both this and that in the same moment, on both wave and particle, then the game of duality is up.

But it is such a delicious game! What fun! First I’m this, then I’m that!  How could this not be fun? Have I forgotten how to have fun?  Why am I trying to be one thing or the other?  Be both.  Be the cake, AND eat it too.*

Language is both the separator and that which it is separated from.

You are I, 1, and the other.

*In this world of great pain and suffering, which as an empathic person I feel very deeply, I was made very aware that having a sense of fun, taking oneself lightly and laughing often is indeed a great antidote to the terrible seriousness and suffering of the world.  It is not to be dismissed as either thoughtless, harsh, unkind nor flippant.  The forgetting of fun is indeed part of the root cause of the suffering.  Fun and kindness go hand in hand.  People who laugh have open hearts, especially those who are able to laugh for no reason at all.  Laughter builds bridges between one heart and another.  The message that was imparted to me left me in no doubt that the simple truth is that fun and laughter, a childlike innocence, is the key to self-realization and a joyful and very engaging life experience.  It what we were created for.

But Alan Watts says it much more succinctly!mind the gap3

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And now some random perspectives on that gap…

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bELoved I Am

“Beloved I Am, touch me with your passion, ignite the flame of Love within me! Leave nothing untouched! Unravel me completely.”

“Oh sweet emptiness how I yearn for you! To discover with the secrets of eternity is joy itself! Be with me now my Love for I Am nothing without your desire to know me.”

“Ah Spirit, be upon me now like no other time! Ravish me, explore every atom of my existence and leave no space unvisited. Discover in me the joy of Being.”

Spiraling through space undoing and redoing myself, unmaking and remaking myself. There is nothing here to stop me. Unravelling myself, swirling and coming together again anew … a cosmic dance of Love; Spirit unknowing in one moment … knowing in the next, dancing here, dancing there, dancing every where.

Separate circles … not spirals. Bands, circles, rings – they constrict and bind. Concentric circles around the self…

The eternal Now moment found within the deepest of Self knows no bounds.

She said “Your prison is a self-made construction of the mind. It is not hard to find those who wish to help you build and maintain it, for the wages of sin may be irresistible.”

An emptiness bestows itself upon me; there is a bleakness about it, yet joy can be pulled up by a thread from this void.

To know yourself you have to turn yourself inside out.

Consciousness invading me, swarming over every part of me, nothing is left of me. A mass movement, a movement of mass. Consciousness leaving no stone unturned, no thing can stand in its way as it swarms over and through, devouring, consuming everything in its path, its wake leaving me shattered, broken apart and undone every sense I have, no sense of ‘me’ is left in this moment; I Am dissolved in the sea of consciousness.

 

            Something is stirring my molecules. Something is stirring them back together…

            But wait! Out of the corner of my ‘I’ a small silver fish appears. The silver fish of consciousness is back.

 

 

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Crisis

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He, who had done more than any human being to draw her out of the caves of her secret, folded life, now threw her down into deeper recesses of fear and doubt. The fall was greater than she had ever known, because she had ventured so far into emotion with him and had abandoned herself to it.―Anaïs Nin
It was one thing to be attacked by someone you hated, but this was something else. This was the kind of hurt that could only be inflicted by someone you loved, who you thought loved you. It was sort of like being stabbed from the inside out. —Ethan Wate, “Beautiful Darkness”
The highest, most decisive experience is to be alone with one’s own self. You must be alone to find out what supports you, when you find that you can not support yourself. Only this experience can give you an indestructible foundation. —C.G. Jung
A Dark Night is . . . a mental and emotional state of despair that arises when something is so painful that it blots out all other considerations and makes carrying on as usual out of the question. —Susan Piver

 

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I wrote this short poem last year, at one of the peaks of despair after my relationship broke up.  It yielded a massive break-through…though I had to go into the pain fully to experience it before it broke on the shores of truth.

CRISIS

The cry of darkness, the call of the wild, burning from my heart into yours. Shadows; dancing and chasing themselves into endless knots of stupidity in my mind. How can it be that I do not know?

Chasms open up into pain engulfing my very consciousness reminding me of my mortality and screaming like a banshee in a high wind I cry NO! there is no me that is threatened here.

Moving On

Dear Friends,

The time has come for me to move away from this beautiful sanctuary of Courtmacsherry in West Cork.  It’s gifted so much to me and taken so much from me.  It has held me through a deep transition and becoming.  On 13th April, exactly one month after I had a major revealation on my birthday which showed me how I must first choose myself and then all other choices/decisions/thinking becomes obsolete, I had another vision and saw my next steps.  My heart called me to write; to move to Co Clare or Galway for 3-4 months and empty myself of the past 15 years of life and learning. In that moment I knew I wanted to give up tantra, sacred sexuality work, ‘healing’ work, sessions, groups, retreats …all of it.

I saw how easily I could give up the house here, and my stuff, and move away. I saw how my reasons for staying here were nothing but excuses justifying staying put. In another reality, which I found myself in the very next day, things didn’t look quite so simple!  But I knew I had to act as if I were still in that vision of freedom.

Over the past month the integration that has taken place through extreme intensity and the deepest fears.   I’ve gained clarity through healing, self-care and the integration of those experiences and those since my relationship broke up back in July.  It’s almost been a whole year since then, and when that year completes itself, I can feel now that I will be in a very different place, both physically and metaphorically.

I gained much clarity on the tantra and healing work and since I pulled out completely which included cancelling events and the women’s circles. It was very clear to me that any remaining ideas or concepts I had of healing or therapy were no longer appropriate or useable. Since giving it up I have seen where and how I was embroiled, and saw through my own expectations and my need to give, and my need to take.  Once I’d seen that I knew it was okay to work with a select number of clients providing It didn’t interfere with my writing and other priorities. Now I am working with a few clients with whom it’s possible to work with in a new and clearer way without expectations, obligations or other entanglements which inevitably crept into sessions in the past. It’s freer, easier, and more delightful ~ it’s an innocent pure expression of being. And of course, the ‘work’ has become more powerful simply because all the ‘trying’ has been lifted away – no more pressure to perform!  (I’m walking my own talk – see my blog: http://www.onehearttantra.com/blog/are-all-those-ps-making-you-miserable)

I’ve had so much cool shit happen over the years, so many mystical and magical experiences, deep wisdom, revealations and insights, but also terror and at times misery, constant anxiety and fear of failure, heart ache and falling in love, finding myself in love too.

I’ve worked with pecu-liar self-proclaimed masters, worked with many awesome teachers and healers, met and said goodbye to so many soul-mates, friends and lovers and through it all have recognised the many and varying roles we play out for each other, over and over again – those which I experienced the deepest, most profound joy and love with were the same ones I experienced the deepest and more terrible grief and sadness with.  It’s not personal; it’s simply the way of it until I learn to choose myself, for myself, in every moment, in every sense, in every way.

I’ve learned about energy management, how we give and take power from each other and why we do that.  I’ve given away more power than water goes over Niagara Falls in a year.  And taken just as much! I’m learning a new way of being, I’ve owned my longings and yearnings and stopped expecting someone else to make me unhappy. And I’ve stopped looking for them to make me happy too J.  I’ve given up on my dreams of how my future should, or will be and come into a place of not knowing, again and again. I’ve been angry, mad, sad, bad, awful, controlling, manipulative, horrible, terrified, scared, afraid, courageous, brave, stupid, sensible, sensitive, generous, mean, medium, shamed, blamed and guilt-ridden. I’ve hated and mated, been high and low, hot and cold, black and white, here and there, back and forth and round and round.  I’ve become aware of playing and being played, both victim and abuser equally, to exactly the same degree and intensity of each role. I’ve discovered how the mechanics of karma operate, seen the hidden power behind the sun and seen deeply into the addiction of doing and the diseases of society such as the Saviour-Martyr program and the false masculine and feminine archetypes.

I can’t wait till I have it ready to share with you!  Except I have to cos it’s not written yet…

Moving Sale

Actually I started this as a Facebook post as an infomercial to announce the sale of treasured items and ex-belongings – both as I could use some cash to fund my writing retreat, and also to give a little to help in Nepal.  I’ll gift 25% of proceeds to an awesome local charity called “just-one” (see below for information on the organisation).

I’ve sacred geometry, costume and crystal jewellery, Buddhist statues of Tara’s and Ganesh, clothes, handbags, shoes, pictures, books, dvd’s, some household and other bits and pieces– all in good condition as I look after my stuff so well – so watch the Facebook space as it’ll be happening very soon both on location and on Facebook.

June Exchange Offer for Helping

It would be nice to have some help with packing and moving preparations.  If you fancy a part holiday here from a few days to a week or longer in exchange for some time helping me pack etc. then I’d love to hear from you.  Equally, I am open to exchanging teaching and tantra for your assistance. Whichever it is, I’m looking for someone who is grounded and responsible as I may be going away for a few days and will need the cats looked after. Having your own transport is necessary. Get in touch via email or FAcebook messaging as soon as possible if this interests you (onehearttantra(@)gmail.com).

To Conclude

Thank you for sharing, caring and helping in whatever roles you’ve played out with me over the months, years and lifetimes.

In Love,

Lynn

From their website: Just-one strives to actively promote and facilitate educational opportunities for disadvantaged and marginalized children in Nepal by working at a grass-roots level with the children, their families and their communities to implement a range of carefully developed, culturally sensitive, sustainable initiatives. – See more at: http://www.just-one.org/#sthash.BWBHZNKo.dpuf