Let It End

Woman, you bleed from a thousand cuts,

your life blood draining away.

Cease now this tragic waste, this martyr’s sacrifice,

come into yourself,

close all the doors,

save your wisdom, let it mature within.

Fear not, it will birth of itself and you will be re-born.

Wisdom is your child,

you’ve been lied to – this is not the way to heal!

Let it end here now,

do not carry this forward.

End this insanity now, let it not continue one moment longer.

This is what you came here to do,

to end this insanity, this pointless suffering,

it is not brave, it is not noble,

it is insane.

This insanity is not your design, not your truth.

Let it be done with now.

 

© Lynn Paterson 2016

The Opportunity of Intensity

This is another message from The Beloved within.  It’s from a few years ago now but still feels relevant.  I hope it feeds some souls.  Blessings.

Hi….

Did you remember to breathe?  Are you breathing consciously now?

Whether our experience of intensity is great or small it matters not – intensity is there asking us to grow to include the current experience.  We are not our current experience but usually we believe we are.  It is a stage on the cycle of growth… once we see intensity as an opportunity for growth and expansion, the cycle will become a spiral of knowledge as perspective will have changed.

Breath is always the key to integrating in the moment ‘the overwhelm’ feeling  that experience becomes when we believe we are not big enough or not ‘something’ enough.  When we believe we are only this or that, rather than everything, then experience becomes intense because we perceive there to be a great enough difference between ‘this’ or ‘that’, or ‘self’ and ‘other’. This makes us feel even smaller and less than because we have perceived something as outside of ourselves. So often you hear people saying “this is greater than both of us”… this is a misunderstanding…there is nothing greater than me or you or us.  The ‘us’ is the remembering of who we truly are but the part of me that does not yet remember fully is now trying to cope with the expansion it is currently experiencing.

ALLOWING is necessary for this stage plus some breaking down of structures previously created, so you can grow to include this experience.

Intensity is not always noticed when there is a small difference between this or that. Becoming sensitive to the difference is the key, and that means getting used to intensity.

Cycles within cycles are always happening, allowing the expansion, integrating the new experience, creating new structures, re-defining picture of self, breaking down structures… etc. but these cycles are all happening at the same time. It’s not some neat pattern where we only get to see one part of the cycle happening at a time, there is always cycles within cycles happening all the time.

There is no perfect way to do relationship!  There is not an ideal way of being or doing.  Let go of the identification with your experience – it’s just experience and that is growth.  Allow this experience without having to change it or give it marks out of ten.  Give yourself space to integrate.  Give yourself permission to fall apart as your structures disintegrate yet again.  Enjoy the new structures of self-definition that occur to you as a result of your integration… this is called realisation… then allow the next experience without having to define is according to your new definition of yourself!!!

OF COURSE you will struggle with this as you are both human and divine and it is so easy to ‘lose’ yourself inbetween… but really the truth is not that you lose yourself, it’s that you have yet to know WHO YOU ARE. You are already ‘lost’ in Oneness or another way to say it is that on one level,  that you already know yourself to be everything.  You are here to individuate.  But how can God individuate without the cycles of growth?  How can we as God know ourselves to be THAT until we are THAT?  Only through KNOWING that experience is simply growth, and not who we are. When God (us) redefines herself she then KNOWS she is that, and that, and that over there too… and yet, not just that either because already the next cycle has overlapped the current one because God is always growing and experiencing something new.  There is always something new happening, change is always occurring and that doesn’t change 🙂

Relationship is there to help you define who you are, and who you are not. When you already have the innate ability to be at one with everything, then how would you manage to know this to be so unless something comes along to show you that?  Your gift is to share with others your ability of being at One with everything – it’s not a curse or a fault.

You describe your experience as an issue, yet you are truly seeing the other as an angel and this is accurate.  Yet you cannot see yourself as this! So it’s very one-sided – hence the purpose of relationship because without there being ‘an other’ it would be impossible to be see this.  This is just God having a new experience through the gift of relationship.

Yes… so it’s very one-sided when we meet an other because one hand we are reminded of our true nature, and yet as that happens, we do not allow ourselves to believe we are that also. WHY? Because we believe we are not good enough to be that due to shame. Everything after that comes from guilt of not being good enough, so we endlessly try to make up the deficit of not being good enough.  Unfortunately this is an endless game because there is no such thing as deficit (debt). Why? Because there is no-one else to be indebted to.

Call on Spirit to help you release all shame from your Being, from deep inside every single cell in your physical body. Give yourself the time to allow your experiences without having to decide what next to do.  With one hand, touch/grip the back of your head where it meets the neck (occiput) and with the other, the base of spine (coccyx) and command, “Activate and Integrate NOW”.  Say it 3 times.  This will help.  Do the same for perineum and crown.

Ultimately I would say that you think you are failing at this, yet you are aware of where you have elevated someone above you (made special) and so I must ask the question, how conscious is that?  Very.

And because you ‘see’, you will not be making the same ‘mistakes’ you made before; you have grown and are now coming from a difference perspective than before. The unsettledness is simply evidence of your growth stage. You will get to the stage of comfort when you redefine yourself, but that too will not last.  We do not like the integration part of the process (the magnetic phase) because that part is feminine and we have decided as a collective not to accept the feminine.

You will never make safe the growth process, and if you did, it would not be growth. You will never manage to restrict relationship even if you were temporarily able to define it.  So what does doing it on a practical level actually mean?  Where have you become attached to your ideas of that?

Yes, yes, yes to intensity….Breathe and allow it to pass through you as if you are transparent, made of gauze… ripples moving through a beautiful lake, from the core of yourself out through your body and fields spherically.

 

Lynn’s observations: From my work in helping people to grow to include more pleasure, I see that intensity and our need to restrict and control it comes from fear of it – most people say NO to intensity which doesn’t stop the intensity of course because you cannot stop it.  So you still get intensity. Trying to slow it down, or divert it somehow doesn’t work either, so no matter what you ultimately do, you will grow through intensity whether you say yes or not to it, because it happens anyway!  That is the joke of free will.

Don’t forget to laugh at yourself too, and to admire and congratulate yourself too – like you were observing a child having experiences.

Reminiscing…

One day about 10 years ago, I was driving along in my car and an old familiar song came on the radio.  It took me back years and in an instant I was once again 17 years of age.

I began to feel immersed in the reminiscing.  You know that energy? A sweet sorrow – bitter/sweet… a very poignant feeling of wistfully wishing I was there again because it was so much better back then than it was now… ahh…yes how wonderful it all was then…

Or was it?

Was it really better back then than it was right now?

Because right now was pretty superb actually – I was just in the beginning of a fabulous new relationship, new house, and supremely happy, more so than any other time in my life.

Yet here I was wishing I was in another time and space, convinced by this reminiscing energy that I was better off then.  So I asked myself in a no-nonsense way and realised that of course it wasn’t better then!  It is just some misperception that makes the past seem better or preferable to the present.  In fact I reckoned that in another few years I’d be doing exactly the same thing about this time in my life!

Such mind games!

Perhaps it is unreal yet it is also so believable and real in the moment it is happening. If we just take it a face value and not question, then we simply continue believing it. It stays real for us. So although the experience of reminiscing is not altogether unpleasant it does have a rather melancholy aspect to it and a strange addictive self-indulgent tendency most definitely leaning towards maudlin. Hmmm… I got more curious about the power of this energy and wondered how it worked. In fact, the speed at which my state of mind had changed once the song came on was remarkable and I began to question the reality of this experience we call reminiscing.

So I allowed myself to go back into the reminiscing feeling and very quickly I was feeling less content once more. Having done a fair bit of de-programming of cultural and societal beliefs already, I was equipped to deal with it.   I questioned this energy outright:  Is this Love?  I asked myself.  “NO” was the answer.  “Well if it’s not Love, it’s not Real and I don’t need to believe it any longer.  I let it go now”.

And, it left. Immediately and completely.  100% shift in experience – instantly I felt so much clearer with no energy of reminiscing to be found despite that the song was still playing.

I was left in no doubt that this experience we have of reminiscing is not helpful and is not the truth of who we are.  It’s just another way to continue circulating discontent in our life.

This was a simple thing for me to do as I was well used to de-programming and was able to notice the shift in experience very quickly. The whole experience lasted less than the 31/2 minutes the song played. The key here is being aware of what is happening in one’s own experience and being in choice, not being in ignorance of what is going on and blindly accepting it.

Get in touch if you’d like to work personally with me on building up your tool kit to deal with this sort of stuff in the moment.

©2016 Lynn Paterson

I-know-but-one-freedom-and-that-is-the-freedom-of-the-mind-Antoine-de-Saint-Exupery

 

The Wild Love of Spirit

~~~~ feel ~~~~

The wild oscillations occurring in my heart refuse to be tamed;

The Wild Love of Spirit ignites a flame that cannot be contained nor defined by intellect alone.

I soar with Spirit and scream with the Goddess.

My heart breaks open easily.

Tears fall freely as every moment brings me more Love, more compassion, more awareness.

I have tasted ecstasy and have known myself as Love too many times now to return to the limitations of the mind.

I have seen the face of the Beloved and will not settle for less.

Ecstasy Of St.Teresa - Staglieno Cemetery in Genoa, Italy

spiritual_ecstasy_by_jackthetab

Crisis

photo-8

I wrote this short poem last year, at one of the peaks of despair after my relationship broke up.  It yielded a massive break-through, though I had to go into the pain fully to experience it before it broke on the shores of truth.

CRISIS

The cry of darkness, the call of the wild, burning from my heart into yours. Shadows; dancing and chasing themselves into endless knots of stupidity in my mind. How can it be that I did not know?

Chasms open up into pain engulfing my very consciousness reminding me of my mortality and screaming like a banshee in a high wind.
I cry NO! there is no me that is threatened here!

………

He, who had done more than any human being to draw her out of the caves of her secret, folded life, now threw her down into deeper recesses of fear and doubt. The fall was greater than she had ever known, because she had ventured so far into emotion with him and had abandoned herself to it.―Anaïs Nin

It was one thing to be attacked by someone you hated, but this was something else. This was the kind of hurt that could only be inflicted by someone you loved, who you thought loved you. It was sort of like being stabbed from the inside out. —Ethan Wate, “Beautiful Darkness”

The highest, most decisive experience is to be alone with one’s own self. You must be alone to find out what supports you, when you find that you can not support yourself. Only this experience can give you an indestructible foundation. —C.G. Jung

A Dark Night is . . . a mental and emotional state of despair that arises when something is so painful that it blots out all other considerations and makes carrying on as usual out of the question. —Susan Piver

 

Moving On

Dear Friends,

The time has come for me to move away from this beautiful sanctuary of Courtmacsherry in West Cork.  It’s gifted so much to me and taken so much from me.  It has held me through a deep transition and becoming.  On 13th April, exactly one month after I had a major revealation on my birthday which showed me how I must first choose myself and then all other choices/decisions/thinking becomes obsolete, I had another vision and saw my next steps.  My heart called me to write; to move to Co Clare or Galway for 3-4 months and empty myself of the past 15 years of life and learning. In that moment I knew I wanted to give up tantra, sacred sexuality work, ‘healing’ work, sessions, groups, retreats …all of it.

I saw how easily I could give up the house here, and my stuff, and move away. I saw how my reasons for staying here were nothing but excuses justifying staying put. In another reality, which I found myself in the very next day, things didn’t look quite so simple!  But I knew I had to act as if I were still in that vision of freedom.

Over the past month the integration that has taken place through extreme intensity and the deepest fears.   I’ve gained clarity through healing, self-care and the integration of those experiences and those since my relationship broke up back in July.  It’s almost been a whole year since then, and when that year completes itself, I can feel now that I will be in a very different place, both physically and metaphorically.

I gained much clarity on the tantra and healing work and since I pulled out completely which included cancelling events and the women’s circles. It was very clear to me that any remaining ideas or concepts I had of healing or therapy were no longer appropriate or useable. Since giving it up I have seen where and how I was embroiled, and saw through my own expectations and my need to give, and my need to take.  Once I’d seen that I knew it was okay to work with a select number of clients providing It didn’t interfere with my writing and other priorities. Now I am working with a few clients with whom it’s possible to work with in a new and clearer way without expectations, obligations or other entanglements which inevitably crept into sessions in the past. It’s freer, easier, and more delightful ~ it’s an innocent pure expression of being. And of course, the ‘work’ has become more powerful simply because all the ‘trying’ has been lifted away – no more pressure to perform!  (I’m walking my own talk – see my blog: http://www.onehearttantra.com/blog/are-all-those-ps-making-you-miserable)

I’ve had so much cool shit happen over the years, so many mystical and magical experiences, deep wisdom, revealations and insights, but also terror and at times misery, constant anxiety and fear of failure, heart ache and falling in love, finding myself in love too.

I’ve worked with pecu-liar self-proclaimed masters, worked with many awesome teachers and healers, met and said goodbye to so many soul-mates, friends and lovers and through it all have recognised the many and varying roles we play out for each other, over and over again – those which I experienced the deepest, most profound joy and love with were the same ones I experienced the deepest and more terrible grief and sadness with.  It’s not personal; it’s simply the way of it until I learn to choose myself, for myself, in every moment, in every sense, in every way.

I’ve learned about energy management, how we give and take power from each other and why we do that.  I’ve given away more power than water goes over Niagara Falls in a year.  And taken just as much! I’m learning a new way of being, I’ve owned my longings and yearnings and stopped expecting someone else to make me unhappy. And I’ve stopped looking for them to make me happy too J.  I’ve given up on my dreams of how my future should, or will be and come into a place of not knowing, again and again. I’ve been angry, mad, sad, bad, awful, controlling, manipulative, horrible, terrified, scared, afraid, courageous, brave, stupid, sensible, sensitive, generous, mean, medium, shamed, blamed and guilt-ridden. I’ve hated and mated, been high and low, hot and cold, black and white, here and there, back and forth and round and round.  I’ve become aware of playing and being played, both victim and abuser equally, to exactly the same degree and intensity of each role. I’ve discovered how the mechanics of karma operate, seen the hidden power behind the sun and seen deeply into the addiction of doing and the diseases of society such as the Saviour-Martyr program and the false masculine and feminine archetypes.

I can’t wait till I have it ready to share with you!  Except I have to cos it’s not written yet…

Moving Sale

Actually I started this as a Facebook post as an infomercial to announce the sale of treasured items and ex-belongings – both as I could use some cash to fund my writing retreat, and also to give a little to help in Nepal.  I’ll gift 25% of proceeds to an awesome local charity called “just-one” (see below for information on the organisation).

I’ve sacred geometry, costume and crystal jewellery, Buddhist statues of Tara’s and Ganesh, clothes, handbags, shoes, pictures, books, dvd’s, some household and other bits and pieces– all in good condition as I look after my stuff so well – so watch the Facebook space as it’ll be happening very soon both on location and on Facebook.

June Exchange Offer for Helping

It would be nice to have some help with packing and moving preparations.  If you fancy a part holiday here from a few days to a week or longer in exchange for some time helping me pack etc. then I’d love to hear from you.  Equally, I am open to exchanging teaching and tantra for your assistance. Whichever it is, I’m looking for someone who is grounded and responsible as I may be going away for a few days and will need the cats looked after. Having your own transport is necessary. Get in touch via email or FAcebook messaging as soon as possible if this interests you (onehearttantra(@)gmail.com).

To Conclude

Thank you for sharing, caring and helping in whatever roles you’ve played out with me over the months, years and lifetimes.

In Love,

Lynn

From their website: Just-one strives to actively promote and facilitate educational opportunities for disadvantaged and marginalized children in Nepal by working at a grass-roots level with the children, their families and their communities to implement a range of carefully developed, culturally sensitive, sustainable initiatives. – See more at: http://www.just-one.org/#sthash.BWBHZNKo.dpuf

Radio Interview with Lynn on Tantra and Kundalini

My interview about Tantra and Kundalini on the I AM Well Show (18.12.13)  is now available to listen on-line:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/renford/2013/12/18/the-i-am-well-show-with-guest-lynn-paterson

c

Tantric Sex… with an Orchid?

I’m a very visual person, especially when it comes to media like movies or images on the computer. I find hours can disappear fast as water down the plug-hole as I become totally immersed in looking through photos and artwork on the internet. Ask me to find an image on a theme I like and I’m kept entertained for hours, especially if it’s nature! That’s what happened when I had decided I needed a new website for my tantra work, One Heart Tantra. I was currently using a theme of a woman holding a red rose but wanted a change whilst still using a floral theme. I had settled on Orchids as my main theme, as I find them so exquisitely beautiful.

I LOVE nature and am constantly inspired by what I see, feel and interact with, whether that be trees, rocks, pieces of dead wood, stones, plants, water, animals, insects and of course, flowers. My task for the site was to find several orchid pictures. I’d already located the main picture, but I needed these for the 8-10 individual pages on the website.

So here I was, trawling through Google searches for Orchid photographs for hours over a three-day period. I knew it was obsessive behaviour; I could have been far more efficient with my time but I was totally hooked on these orchids. Continue reading

Sexual or Spiritual? ~ Dissolving the Barriers of the Mind.

“If your flame of awareness is burning bright, you will know that sex is not just sex. Sex is the outermost layer; deep inside is love, and even deeper is prayer, and deepest is God himself. Sex can become a cosmic experience; then it is tantra.” – Osho

Beyond our mind-made labels of who we think we are as sexual or spiritual entities, beyond our concepts of sexuality of straight, bi, gay or any other identification we have, is Love. Osho knew this and elegantly shared it in the quote above.

To know thyself as Love, both as an individual and as the One, is the realisation we long for, even we do not yet know it.

It takes a lot of self-trust and courage to really let go into ecstasy – and someone to hold their own heart-space as they give unconditionally to you. Continue reading

Animals; Merging and Shape Shifting ~ July 2004 ~ Pacific North West USA

In July 2004 I was staying on Bainbridge Island, WA as part of a 2 week trip I was making to be with Isaac. My mother had shortly passed and this trip had been postponed a couple of weeks so I could go to her funeral. It was my first time on Bainbridge and we stayed a couple of nights with a dear friend of Isaac’s, Sula who he had met in serendipitous circumstances. They hadn’t long known each other and yet were old soul friends who felt a familiar and loving connection with each other at a far deeper level than the few times they had spent together would normally suggest. Between Sula and I there was a deep connection too which beyond the personality level that I was open to knowing more about. Continue reading