Wild Places

A minute ago I came across a Facebook post from a friend (thank you) which simply put, is perfect for what I’ve been thinking about this morning.  Isn’t it incredible that one sentence and a painting can have such a deeply moving effect?  It never fails to amaze me how easily we are touched, or inspired, uplifted…and how crucial it is to feel that sense of connection, of belonging that comes from feeling such instant resonance.

Because I was writing, updating and thinking about France, my experiences there and that we’ve opened the September retreat to others…I was again deep into the vibration of being there, of those incredible experiences there, of the insights, revelations in fact, the beauty of sharing good food, places to visit, sensual touch, pleasure consciously explored in nature, communing with trees, flowers…allowing oneself to be touched deeply, profoundly …the sensations … the sensuality of life to be experienced as all experienced on the outside is a reflection of that inside.  In fact one informs the other… and then this sentence, this picture, so evocative of the eternal feminine…my whole being yearns for this…it must be what I am here for, to experience this, to create my reality from such pictures in my mind…

“The mind I love most must have wild places, a tangled orchard where dark damsons drop in the heavy grass, an overgrown little wood, the chance of a snake or two, a pool that nobody fathomed the depth of, and paths threaded with flowers planted by the mind.” ~ Katherine Mansfield

Frederick Carl Frieseke – Nude In Dappled Sunlight

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“Twelfth Night” ~ An Adevoiler Retreat ~ September 2018

 

Lynn Paterson and Peter Choi are delighted to invite you to join them on retreat in France from 3rd September 2018. This Adevoiler retreat is in 2 parts and both English and French will be spoken. You can choose the first week only or choose to join for the second week as well. Due to the close proximity to the event  we’re asking anyone interested to act very quickly.

The inspiration for this retreat is to invite others to join us in continuing our exploration based upon our experience last September, 2017. ​

From exploring the mysteries of the exterior to the mystery of the interior. Exploring the energy of source in nature and exploring the source in the feminine. Allowing Nature to inform us of deep truths about ourselves and the nature of our place, our role, in the world.

A series of exercises will be intermixed with a series of nature and site visits to progressively unveil what is the mystery … what is it that prevents us from seeing beyond the mystery?

In allowing the veil to lift, to dissolve, we allow ourselves to contact the reality through sensation, perception and illusions.  Part of the aim of the exploration is to re-connect our senses to our consciousness to explore pleasures that are sovereign. In this way we give ourselves permission to be and express ourselves.

Together the group will co-create and live a journey of unveiling to see beyond what we see and to touch beyond what we touch…

The first part is from 3-10 September 2018 and we will be re-tracing some of the steps of last year.  Here we will be focusing primarily on the cathedral sites of Chartres and Orleans, the famous gardens at Giverny (I was there in June this year and it’s fabulous.) We also plan to walk the labyrinth at Chartres – labyrinths have long been known as a mysterious gateway to finding deeper truths.

Location – Les Molieires, Île-de-France.  It’s less than an hour to Chartres form here. Accommodation is in shared rooms in a large private home on the edge of a village in the countryside. We anticipate the costs for the first part (3-10 Sept – 7 nights) to be in the region of £70 per night per person to include accommodation, meals and shared car hire. It will be a little less if all places are filled. Both English and French will be spoken and we have a translator. Meals will be simple and wholesome – preparation will be a shared endeavour.

In the second part 11-14 September, 2018, Peter and Lynn invite you to join us as we continue down into the Loire Valley. We will go deeper into the unveiling process with visits around the Loire Valley and giving more time to the indoor work. Visits we intend (not limited to) will include Chateau Chenonceau – a simply stunning chateau on water with its incredible gardens and huge trees it makes for fabulous outing…plus we hope to find ourselves another labyrinth! Also we will have time in nature and space to integrate.

Location – Loire Valley –  As the retreat is a co-creative endeavour we will only book accommodation once we know how many wish to join us. We estimate the costs for the second part (10-14 Sept – 4 nights) will be similar per night per person to the first week. – It’s not possible to attend only the second week.​

General Information

The Retreat is for a maximum of 12 participants and a minimum of 6, plus us two. Open to singles and couples. If you’re interested the first step is to complete the CONTACT FORM  telling us a little about you, adding any questions… and we’ll be in touch very soon.

We suggest reading through the series of articles FRANCE PILGRIMAGES Lynn has written following her experience in France last year as this will give much information through words, and much more through the spaces in-between. It’s a long read so please don’t wait till you’ve read it to book as time is passing quickly!

Please note: this is not a usual facilitator led group – Peter and Lynn are here to share their experiences and skills etc. in a group format because we love to share what fascinates, intrigues and helps us. There is no charge for facilitation; the cost of the retreat is to cover expenses only. The group we create together is to enhance personal sovereignty – not to diminish it. A big part of our aim is to allow personal space, personal expression, and personal experience for each individual – it is much more desirable for all to be themselves…this retreat will be providing space in which we can be ourselves as individuals and as a group. All participants must be comfortable with deeper work and capable of facing their inner issues in a mature and self-responsible manner.

Transport – flights etc. not included. Car hire is suggested on a shared or individual basis (we trust it to work out between the group as bookings progress).  Please ask about travel arrangements – we are delighted to help and don’t want the travel to be a problem for anyone who wants to join us.

Both English and French will be spoken and we have a translator. Meals will be simple and wholesome – preparation will be a shared endeavour. Restricted diets can be self-prepared.

Artwork credit: https://sigu.deviantart.com/art/The-King-of-Elfland-s-Daughter-332697611

France ~ Initiation Part V: Revelations and… the Holy Grail?

There is only one story in duality and everything tells it. Relax, breathe and be at peace for it cannot do anything BUT tell you! There is no need to search, nor to look for the truth as every thing you see, hear, touch, taste, smell and sense comes from the same story.

Symbols are not so much of a sign, nor more than you or I are a sign of something. No, we are a representation, or perhaps, a presentation is better…Yes, a presentation of our soul essence! Or a signature? Yes, also a signature in fact, our sign-nature…so yes, a sign, yet in a truer sense of the word sign, not as we commonly think of it.

And a symbol or synchronicity isn’t just a sign, it is that you are starting to see through the material world into the story beneath, you’re getting an understanding – or seeing that which stands-under. You are seeing more deeply. When this is seen it is possible to understand the repetitive patterns in life – and how one thing relates to another…

Thank you for joining me. What I share in this final part of the story is my mystical experience of how my physical journey on the road trip through France mirrored my metaphysical journey into my body and into the mystery of life. Church Temple to Body Temple. I’ve mentioned yoni mapping previously, and for now, it’s suffice to say that yoni mapping is far more than a method of helping us to heal sexual and physical limitation. It is in fact a way of exploring the entire universe.

FULL CIRCLE

By the time I got to Paris on Day 1, we still had a lot of undecideds, gaps, no accommodation booked and some other unknowns but few concerns. By the time we had completed the trip and were back in Paris it had all worked out beautifully, gifting us with an experience never to be forgotten, many insights and delights and the birth of something new to share. There were many extraordinary things that happened on the trip, numerous things that showed up as synchronicities, coincidences and graceful interventions. Themes emerged that linked the outer physical journey with an inner, insightful one – we were experiencing life as above, so below, and not as a concept but in a very literal, living, sense. Yet it wasn’t really until the trip was finished in a physical sense that we realised that certain themes were evident and that the physical, emotional and spiritual levels all weaved a tapestry of our story together. What is showed me beyond everything was that ‘As above, so below’ is what happens whether you know it or not. It’s not a choice. The only choice is whether you choose to work at seeing through the veil. Yet it wasn’t until the end of our trip that it became undeniably apparent how everything is the same within and without. One echoes the other.

Returning to Peter’s Apartment, Paliseau, Paris.
The experience I had at the end of the road trip was one of the most extraordinary things in my entire life. During a long massage from Peter which culminated in yoni touch and yoni mapping, I became very expansive; I ‘went out there’ far and wide, experiencing myself as the entire universe, a great expanse of outer space, the cosmos. This in itself is a phenomenal experience and because it wasn’t the first time I’d had it, I knew moments later when I felt a contraction, a lessening, a densification of the energy that something different was now happening. I felt a momentary sense of loss that I hadn’t managed to stay with the cosmic feeling. Choosing to stay present and with whatever was happening, I re-focussed on the yoni and the breath. I then realised that the densification of energy had in fact created a shape, like a container, and it was shaped as cathedral – I simultaneously felt this inside of me and out with me, encapsulating everything. It was an intriguing feeling that I found completely fascinating and so had no trouble staying completely present, open and curious. I wasn’t searching for explanations, I was simply trusting the process and still continuing in sensing the cathedral church like shape and feeling, which was of reverence, as if I were in a sacred space, a temple, the holy of holies. I felt both a personal and universal sense of awe; there was no seriousness, only sereneness, a feeling of super-light holiness.

A veil dissolved as I realised that the Mother Church was in fact the physical interpretation of the metaphysical energy of the feminine. It is the feminine in form, just as I am. I laughed aloud as I realised that every single person who went into the church to pray was in fact praying in a yoni! A revelation indeed which I felt as truth in the body; it was a complete somatic knowing revelation. Laughing again I was filled with a sense of incredulity that the truth is so utterly simple! I was telling Peter what I was experiencing and he, bless him, stayed so present and I could feel him enjoying my delight. But I wasn’t finished yet, oh no! It was like I was now able to sense through the concept of a material cathedral and see the energy underneath, that which it came from. It is that the solid material of the building is also simply a veil.

Another peal of laughter let loose as I realised that the Virgin Mary was in fact ‘symbolic’ of the female genitals – and when I say symbolic I do not mean that a symbol represents a concept, it is not a separate symbol representing something; I mean it IS the energy itself. Again I felt this as a knowing in my yoni and my entire being. (I had previously seen a good few articles and images detailing exactly this but I cannot tell you how vastly different it was to know this as a direct revelationary experience as opposed to intellectual knowing.)

Continue reading

Dream Lover

Disco music, dim lighting, the thick cigarette smoke veiling and cocooning me. Sipping a ludicrously expensive gin and tonic I gaze across the nightclub floor at the deejay, willing him to look my way. I know I look gorgeous yet I’m terribly insecure. It works! He quickly comes over to me. I’m shocked and embarrassed; it happened too fast, I’m not ready! I brush him off by pretending he misread the situation. He shrugs and goes away. I’m still shocked that it worked, and so fast! This isn’t something I’ve tried before, tending instead to stay quiet, not flirt even, not wanting to be misread or considered a tease… so no games for me and instead wanting men to understand I’m not a threat, I’m reliable, trustworthy, kind. I feel guilty now – why did I do it? I didn’t even fancy him; I just wanted to prove I could.

Uncomfortable now, I turn away and find myself gazing into the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. My body responds before I’ve even seen his face. He’s young, about 22 I’d guess, with dark blond hair, and very beautiful.

We look, we dance, we smoke and struggle to communicate through our different languages. An hour passes and he wants to walk me back to my hotel, along the beach he says, very romantic under the moon with the sea. My body longing, my emotions surging, my mind says ‘oh right, yes sure, I know what you want and it’s not going to happen coz it will feel cheap, tacky – I will feel used.’ (I also thought about the discomfort of the sand…)

On the way home with the girls now and they tell I should have, thinking I’d said no because of being unfaithful to my boyfriend back home…they said they wouldn’t have told on me. That’s only part of it for me though. I feel a deep regret, and confusion.  Did I make the right decision or should I have taken the chance and gone along with him?  No, I know it would have cheapened, lessened the experience as I thought the physical reality rarely lived up to my imagined one.  With the benefit of hindsight and many years of life, I wonder if I’d have chosen differently had I had some experience of a satisfying, fulfilling sex-life, perhaps I might have not thought that the thought of sex is better than it would be in reality.

Back in the hotel in my rather horrible single bed in the room I am sharing with a girlfriend and her 2 young children in our dismal, creepy old hotel, head spinning from too much alcohol, ears ringing from overly loud music, mind buzzing, wondering if I will manage to fall asleep and if so, will I ever awaken again from the intensely psychic energies of this creepy old place!

I drift off whilst thinking of my Italian Adonis. A moment later I’m immediately awake. He’s stepping into the corridor leading to my room! It’s a long, narrow passage-way and he’s walking slowly towards my door…

My body is responding, fully sexually aroused in mere moments. I’m lying on my back, utterly still, silent, every inch, every part of me intensely focussed on his progress. My body is singing.

He gets closer and closer, my pleasure intensifies with every step he takes. I can barely breathe, all is still, there’s no sound, no space, no time. The air, thick with my expectancy and anticipation, holds me a willing prisoner in my cocoon of pleasure.

Outside my door now, his hand on the handle, turning it. The door opens… I orgasm, not a small orgasm but a huge mega, completely real orgasm like I’ve never orgasmed before. It doesn’t hit the roof; it goes right through it and out of the building, reverberating its celebration for miles into the night. No, not a small orgasm like all I’ve had before through self-stimulation of the clitoris, this was an orgasm to change my life. I never knew how BIG orgasm could be, my whole body involved, the energy massive and unrestricted and not just contained within my body.  And at exactly the same moment I orgasm, I awake, until then I did not know I was dreaming.

In the moment, I realise that I have no resistance, no fear, no self-inflicted limitations;  my body and energy field are as one and I experience nothing but wave upon wave of ecstatic pleasure and there’s nothing to stop it happening.  I sense it like a sphere of shimmering subtle energy emanating from my body and simultaneously returning to me. I sense how it interacts with what it touches.

I lay there afterwards, going over the experience and insights.

OMG that was amazing! Awesome!

Will I be able to do it again?

Now, that’s how sex SHOULD be.

Why can’t I do that when I’m with someone?

Why indeed. At the time I got many insights, not least was that this experience confirmed to me what I had long suspected: my inability to orgasm with a partner was purely psychological and there was nothing physically wrong with me.  As the years passed I also developed many other insights and this experience was fundamental to my own sexual healing journey and also the work with others for theirs.

Another valuable insight I got at the time was that I realised that what I’d thought of as good orgasms up till now were in fact miniscule and puny in comparison. They’d been limited to and caused through physical stimulation. This dream orgasm had been completely touch free. Somehow I knew that the possibilities and implications were huge! Though for some years all I saw was that the reality of sex with another was often much less than the anticipation of it. That fantasy was more enjoyable than fact. But what is real and what is not? Is it not the case that both fantasy and fact can both be extremely enjoyable experiences and why should we put one above the other? Couldn’t we just enjoy both, rather than polarize to one extreme or the other?

The ‘wet dream’ I’d had was not from contrived sexual fantasy; it had happened without my conscious mind choosing it, though I was consciously aware and chose to think about this dream lover before I went to sleep, I had not fantasized about having sex with him.

The way I experienced the ecstatic energy was vastly different in my body. The sensation and awareness of having no resistance to the orgasmic energy was in itself an ecstatic experience and the orgasm added to this. It could equally be the other way around. For me, this raises questions about the nature of energy, of physical being, of interaction. And no touch involved! Purely from the imaginal realms I’d had a highly energized and physical experience.  That alone was mind-blowing.

I was even less satisfied with partnered sex A.D. (After Dream) than I had B.D. It would be some 20 years before I was able to feel comfortable enough to relax and ‘achieve’ orgasm with a partner through intercourse. That’s quite sad of course, yet it was also this situation that contributed to my desire to help others with sexuality issues and also of course to continue exploring for myself too.  My reality at the time was that though I had a longing for more sexual satisfaction, it wasn’t really centre stage in my life and only once in while would it creep in from the edges of my mind.  I simply believed that this was just the way it was for me.  So I’d settle for less, unable to even consider talking to my partners or seeking help, hoping things would change on their own or I’d meet someone with whom everything would be perfect.  This fear of talking to another about sex also gave me good skills to make others feel comfortable talking to me about their sexual issues and to listen without judgment.

Nowadays I continue to develop myself and grow in spiritual awareness through exploring my sexuality and looking back on my younger self I feel deep compassion for her for all the confusion, suffering and misunderstanding she went through.

© Lynn Paterson 2018

France – Initiation Part IV

Dear Reader, thank you for visiting. This blog is a continuation of my story about  journeys and experiences in France.  The story has taken longer to write about than the actual time in France!  This is because the story is actually woven into a very large part of my life and is evidence of how spirituality and awareness unfolds and expands in the living mystery school we call life … you can find all the parts on the France Pilgrimages menu tab.

Rennes-les-Bains
Peter and I had taken a long journey in many senses of the word to get here. There was a sense of home-coming and some relief at reaching Rennes-Les-Bains.  We both had our own as well as shared memories and I think we were feeling the sense of the great wheel turning on being back here. For me it was bitter-sweet to be back here with the memories of exactly 3 years ago in 2014.   So much of my life experiences are connected to this place; it seems that Rennes-Les-Bains is somehow acting like a pivot around which much has turned.   We arrived mid evening and found our accommodation to be quite basic, or even a little grim in fact. It’s a small village and there seems to be a dearth of nice self-catering places to stay but never mind, it was in a great location only steps away from the main square and frankly, it was enough just to be here.

Rennes-les-Bains is of course deep in the well-known mystery that surrounds the area and the village of Rennes-les-Château. For me though the area now is much more about the deeper mystery of the eternal feminine.

We had booked 3 nights here and were looking forward to relaxing, travelling little and allowing things to organically unfold.  I had a mystery to follow; that of discovering the source of the salty River Sals which runs through the area.  This river is where Magdalene was said to carry out baptisms, in the Fontaine d’amour (and you can see my photos from the 2014 retreat in the first part of this blog series).  The subject of salt, and source, had come intuitively to me during the inner instruction I received about re-visiting France again in 2017.  Though it was a rather sparse, vague intimation, I knew immediately that it was a deep and significant intimidation of many layers and felt too it was connected with the River Sals.

I knew that the reference to salt was also about the alchemy and metaphysical subject of salt and I have carried out a good deal of research and searching on this and at the same time I am aware that it is often better to leave aside looking into what others have written or discovered about salt as this does create preconception. I know that direct experiential insight, ‘knowing’ is in fact a far more powerful experience and learning for me than any research I might have done. The reference to salt was not new to me either as on and off for some years now I had pondered on salt and the deeper meanings/function of it for some years. In particular this quote from the bible was something that I kept on coming across:

“Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can you make it salty again?”

Since I first became aware of the quote I wondered about it and it now rings so true for me for I know I lost much of my flavour over the past few years and this trip was working to restore it in a multi-dimensional way.

This more recent salt/source intimation was somewhat ‘validated’ during a conversation I had with an acquaintance who guides people around the area and appeared to have made a similar connection.  My agenda for Rennes-Les-Bains therefore was to find the source of the Sals!

A Magical Meeting

The next day was another beautiful sunny day and after a lazy morning we headed to the square. We ordered a pizza and beer and reminisced about the extraordinary coincidences of 2014 dining there with Taj and each spotting an acquaintance we knew, who were actually dining together!

We were also chatting about the source of the Sals and doing some internet searching on the topic. I had just been talking to Peter about a friend Marie, whose house we almost stayed in 3 years ago, might know the location as her house was in Sougraine, the village just beyond Rennes and where the river would be sourced above. Though she no longer lived in the area I was about to message her and at that moment my attention was drawn to the sound of a car door shutting and I watched as a lovely woman jauntily moved down the street and into the square.  Now I had only met Marie the once, but this looked very like her.  I just stared as she passed, incredulous and yet not believing it could be her – I meant here are coincidences and synchronicities but really?  Anyway, she passed me by without recognition and went into a house in the square…I sent the text anyway.

Five minutes later, as I was watching the house in the corner she emerged without her sunglasses, I had also removed mine.  There was no doubt now that it was Marie!  As it usual in these serendipitous moments we were both delighted and somewhat awestruck, even slightly overwhelmed at the odds of it happening and we had a sweet, tearful reunion. She was only here for another hour and had been visiting her daughter in another village and popped into Rennes to see an old friend.  Marie now lived in Berlin and had an hour before leaving to catch her flight back.

Though she had no clue about the source of the river Sals, both Peter and I had at the moment Marie came over, simultaneously found the same site on the internet which gave precise directions to the source.  Marie’s surname sounds like river (I won’t give the actual spelling to protect her identity) and of course, her first name is Mary.

All this is what I nowadays refer to ‘resonance’ happening – I used to think of it as synchronicity until an experience a few years ago changed the way I interpret reality and I began to move from seeing events as cause and effect to seeing reality created through sympathetic vibrational resonance. (See this blog for more on resonance) When things/events became so inter-linked that I couldn’t make sense anymore about how such unlikely things could be happening, I had to find another explanation, as cause and effect were simply too limited to explain the reality I was experiencing.  Once I began to see events through the eyes of resonance, it became a lot easier to understand how even the most outrageous of synchronicities and coincidences happen, and to some extent, it removed a large part of the mystery, some might say magic, of such experience.  This is only part of the case as along with understanding of how we create reality comes peace. However there is no doubt that the ‘entertainment’ value of synchronicities, the fascination in them, starts to diminish once you see how resonance works in the creation of reality.

It is true that the whole of the France trip itself including the planning and aftermath was an experience of resonance at work and this worked like a spiral, gradually becoming more obvious and powerful as we reached the centre, which was Rennes-les-Bains in 2017 just as it was for me in 2014.  When I’m there it feels like I am in the centre point of a gravitational pull where the veil is so thin, where there is no time between cause and effect and simple imagining can makes things happen almost instantaneously.

Here in the Languedoc we knew we were at the centre; the deepest, most southerly part of our journey geographically, literally and emotionally. Our activities here were to be deep in nature, springs, mountains, rivers, cave…deep earthly experiences and deep in body, relaxing, massage, resting. We had all in all 5 days in the south after which it was our turn around to head north and east. Right now though we were heading in the beautiful sunshine out on a short journey to Sougraine area to find the salty source which we were happy to discover was very easy to find thanks to the blog. (There’s some great information on the salty source on this blog.)

The Salty Source
Like the blog authors we left the car at the bottom and hoofed it up; it was a lovely walk up beside the river through mountain pasture and I was grateful for the shade of the trees as it was still pretty hot plus I was tired from the journey and lack of sleeping well. We reached a car parking area and found a track up through the woods which opened out onto the clearing and here was the salty source which bubbles up from the ground. All my fatigue instantly vanished and I felt renewed just being here; I felt such joy, peace and comfort being here. I had a lightness of spirit and soul and I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay overnight, to camp out under the stars, and I wanted to bring others here to, just to simply be and soak up the energy of the place.

“Have salt among yourselves, and be at peace with each other” (Mark 9:50b)

This is a quote I just found in the bible (honestly, I hardly know the bible yet it is proving a very interesting source of meaningful and appropriate salty quotes, not to mention giving me some new and deeper interpretations to chew upon.)

We had fun there, like children exploring. We tasted the water and were so astonished at how incredibly salty it was! Apparently at times it can be twice as salty as the Mediterranean and I can easily believe that. We marvelled at how green the algae in the salty water was – how did it manage to grown in such a saline environment? We scrambled up to the source itself, bubbling magically out of the ground through rocks, coming down from Mt Bugarach (which is in itself known as a mysterious, sacred mountain.) A couple of tourists arrived and we had a brief and pleasant conversation with the older lady marvelling at the saltiness; I could tell she was similarly affected by the place. I bathed my feet in the super cold source and we explored the little huts where peasants evaporated water to obtain salt for selling…salt for sale (see how the words are connected here…) Sel-cell-salt-sell-self-sel(scot’s for self)-sale (Italian for salt) sel (French).

In the months after France I have continued to meditate and research on salt and my understanding is expanding on this vast topic – I am now more interested and fascinated than ever to discover how incredibly significant this humble compound is no matter which level of interest is looked at. Today I came across the term ‘A Covenant of Salt’ which is found in the Old Testament 3 times. As I said, I am by no means a scholar on the bible, however over the years ‘knowings’ which have come to me are often to be found in the bible and I have learned that the truth is not restricted to one place or another, nor one book or another, but in a ‘both and’ way and not in an ‘either or’ manner.

A Covenant of Salt is an eternal covenant; one which cannot be broken.  This I sense refers not only to an agreement between people, and between people and God, but on a much deeper level, this is an agreement between us and our Source. Are we are a compound that cannot be unmade? Salt of the earth =truthful and with integrity.  These are not just fanciful descriptions – they are facts of existence, and there is no choice in the matter – they are so. The attributes are not separate from the substance, so the substance must be that too.

The Weather Turns
The next day autumn arrived early to the South of France. The weather was cooler but fine for a morning walk around the village to the red spring/source and Seat of Isis – I’ve little to report on that as it’s another well-known power point that I feel very little at and I went there to see if that had changed much, but it hadn’t and though I felt a deep sense of calm in the chair there isn’t much else to share. By afternoon it was raining with unusually cool temperatures of 15C. The weather stayed wet and cold like this for the next day too and we took the opportunity to rest a lot, sleep late, read, talk, cook for ourselves nourishing meals and importantly, give massages.  I’ve mentioned previously that the giving of touch in the form of massage was an important aspect of this trip – though I’ve been in favour of touch and massage for many years now (including doing tantra massage professionally for 9 years) it wasn’t until this trip that I truly, deeply realised just how much it helps in the integration process, and this is of course especially if you’re the type who is in their head a lot, analysing and intellectualising the spiritual initiation and journeys of consciousness. I remember when Deborah Anapol and I were planning the first retreat to France that she said the Gnostic initiates were constantly massaged during certain initiations and this struck me at the time as being accurate and very interesting. I’ve since tried to find confirmation of this unsuccessfully.

Ussat-les-Bains – 2 nights
We were supposed to have a guided tour of the Cathar caves of initiation (the same caves I’ve still to write about the first experience in 2014) but our guide had to cancel at the last minute, this wasn’t so much disappointing as a little surprising as we’d only just spoken with him a some days previously to arrange it, plus we discovered our accommodation was only 2 houses away from where he was, so it all seemed to be aligned nicely.  However it wasn’t to be and we decided we would try and find the caves ourselves, which we did and spent some time in the dark inside the complex of 7 caverns. We just stayed at the entrance to it and I confess I was afraid to go into a complex not knowing if I would get lost. Peter however had no such fear and next time he said he would go through the complex. Even that gives me cause for fear and I’d probably be worried about him not coming back out!!  We then found the Bethlehem cave which is the cave of final initiation of the Cathar initiates. This is the cave that has the pentagram carved into the wall where in 2014 I got up into it but this time I was less fit and didn’t try it.  Peter did very ably though and then later on he gave me more massage – what a guy.

Situated in the Ariège River valley, Ussat-les-Bains, like Rennes-les-Bains,  is also a thermal spa well known for its rich mineral water with curative properties.  There’s another village joined to it called Ornaloc and the commune is referred to as Ornolac-Ussat-les-Bains.

So the theme of water, springs, salt, mineral water, rivers, caves, nature was evident here too.

From Ussat we headed west via Montsegur Castle which we only looked at from the road.  We then headed to Nebias and spent a good couple of hours in the breathtakingly beautiful and mystical Labyrinthe Verte . Once again I had bitter-sweet memories as the previous time I’d been here was with my now ex-husband  whilst staying at Monsegur however the beautiful sunny day, the company, both human and nature spirits, worked magic upon me and my mood lifted quickly. This place is deepest green nature, thick with nature spirits. It wasn’t until we were leaving that we realised that we’d gone through three distinctive levels or zones at this place, both physically and energetically. This mirrored our overall trip and also that of entering a cathedral building – through the entrance vestibule, then the nave and then the apse/altar. Some may also notice this is also echoing that of the triple goddess, with maiden, mother and crone. Or Virgin Mary, Mary Magdalene and Black Madonna/Virgin.   For me this trinity ‘pattern’ was to come to life even more vividly during my final massage with Peter after we returned to his home in Paris.

Heading North and West
North east onto Sete that evening to stay with a dear friend of Peter’s for 2 nights. I’d thought about visiting Beziers or somewhere else but in Sete we had lovely weather gain and I was feeling I’d had quite enough of Cathar and deeply emotional/spiritual experiences! Instead we had delightful meals out and explored the town with Peter’s friend. I really appreciate the opportunity to have such amazing changes in scene and content – the variety is a balm to my soul.

From Sete we headed a little north to Saint Maries de la Mer where we had lunch and visited the chapel.  I had a profound experience which started on the beach as we arrived, remembrances of incredibly happy times though I’d not been there in this lifetime. I was highly energised. The chapel felt like home to me – I remembered it and the feeling of being there was deeply nurturing. I walked up the aisle like I owned it – so interesting to get that sense of complete and utter ‘rightness of being’.  It is built on an underground spring which is visible from the chapel but not accessible, said to be the reason Mary Magdalene chose the spot to make home in. Yet another spring/source and by the time I had got this far, the theme of water, springs, source, salt was evident though not the meaning. There is also the famous  salt – Fleur de Sel de Camargue from the area which is associated to Mary Magdalene by the pilgrims and seekers who come to this place.

The energy/area of the Camargue is incredible and I find it hard to describe it – it definitely reminded me of Corsica, and there is indeed something very different about it, as if it were another country almost. Certainly it evoked or awakened cellular memory for me and touched me profoundly.  I can feel it now in my body as I tune into the area as I write about it.

Our next stop was Aix en Province – this was unscheduled until we got to Rocamadour when Peter received a call from a lady connected to his friend in Sete; she was asking him about tantra massages for herself and a friend.  Why not call in after Sete then?  They were delighted and so she hosted us overnight in her beautiful home in Aix-en-Province.

From Aix we headed north with an overnight stay in Vienne which is a town I felt resistance to once I was there, especially in the cathedral, though it was probably Peter’s favourite cathedral. Next day we head back to Paris which was a long drive and it was very good to get back home to Peter’s apartment.

I’d like to finish here and leave the last part for another day because what happened to me during a final massage from Peter was one of the most extraordinary revelations of my life and gave me knowing (gnosis) on the nature of reality, religion, the Virgin Mary, Mary Magdalene, the Black Madonna and Nature herself.

If you’d like to see more pics of the trip: https://photos.app.goo.gl/19PiPuhU3U2w3BM43

France ~ Initiation (Part II)

Dear Reader, as this story directly continues from France-Initiation (Part I), may I suggest you start there before reading this as otherwise it won’t really make much sense.

*****

At the end of the first part France–Initiation (Part I) I was telling you about the devastation I felt at the death of a story I’d been carrying for many years, upon which much of my sense of self was built. The death of an ‘inner story character’ is literally is like a death of a self, albeit a false self but that it is false is not known until the moment of the death-blow. That sort of experience is like the tarot card ‘The Tower’ and it was not without a sense of irony that I remembered the name ‘Magdalene’ has been translated to mean tower.

That Taj (Deborah) seemed fine, even excited, about my 180 degree turnabout was an exceedingly healing experience for me and taught me that there were some people who did indeed embrace the unexpected and change, and that here was a great friend indeed who appreciated me for who and what I was – and not for who and what I thought I was, or who I thought I should be.

This was a great antidote to the pattern of “I’ve made my bed and now I must lie in it”, which quite literally does of course mean lying to self, and others. This particular pattern I see in myself and other women, though there are men who carry it as well.  I feel it is a (false/shadow) feminine pattern and it goes along with the fear that women/the feminine are/is always changing their/its minds, that they can’t be relied upon, they are emotional, are not dependable, unpredictable, uncontrollable, not understandable, not logical. In other words, not safe, dangerous! It’s quite easy to dismiss this one yet in my experience it shows up in people on a daily basis and mainly you can see this through its counterpart which is the rigid, fixed mentality of authority. (Interestingly enough, this same pattern was to rear its head in 2017 when I was planning the return to France.)

Deborah and I went ahead and recorded our free introductory teleseminar the next day. I’d love to tell you that it worked out even better than it would have done before I had my turnabout, but it did not. In fact I didn’t feel it went well at all. I felt challenged to find my voice and more so that I’d lost the thread of what I wanted to share, and also that I couldn’t properly articulate what I was going through. Taj however thought differently, she really enjoyed it and had no criticisms of my contribution. I’ve not been able to bear even the thought of listening to the video since then.* (for update – see end of blog)

Knowing our next one was due on February 22nd I decided to let things settle for a few days. But they didn’t and if anything, I felt even more strongly about things. The energy was gone for me and I couldn’t get it back.  I went ahead and told Taj I couldn’t continue with the teleseminar series nor the week-long retreat we’d planned.  I felt terrible about it all.

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Frequency, Dimensions and States of Being

I’d been reading the Cathar book We Are One Another by Arthur Guirdham and I’d been at it pretty intensely, getting drawn into the story for a couple of weeks, and it was also just after the first Waterfalls retreat. I’d been sharing with a friend about my France experiences, and there was a certain energy to that. That night I couldn’t sleep and was restless, some kundalini type orgasmic energy (mild) came up through me and that is slightly unusual for me these days. Then I started to get words through:

Kundalini can be utilised to raise vibration consciously. Once a certain vibration is reached, the information (truth) at that level is available to read, or is revealed. Like moving up and down the musical scales, different vibrational state can be accessed easily.  Movement between them (like an elevator) is easily achieved.  One floor is not necessarily better than another, once all are easily accessible by choice, one can move between at will and not get stuck in one place.  It’s the getting stuck and not realising you can move, that is suffering.  Once you realise you can move at will, suffering ceases, as does judgement and really, not floor is better or worse than another, they are just different, and preferences are fine to have.

Sexual ecstasy can be used in the same way, as can nature, like waterfalls, which can give access to the Nature Spirit dimension.  Getting stuck in lower states can be avoided, or if it happens, then there’s always someone there to remind you .  This is the benefit of having a group to consort with.

This movement describes resonance.

Food can be used – by omitting food of low vibration, one may access higher frequencies.  Vibration however will not be sustained at this level because there is separation/judgement of ‘lower’ food, or energies. Transcendence is not lifting above, not going through.  So, if there should be a time when vibration drops, and there will be because it’s not true higher vibe, but almost like artificially made higher state, then a crash will happen because there is still a frequency not embodied. By eating low/dense vibration food, and not judging it, one may bring consciousness to the lower states, thereby giving opportunity for growth and expansion to that state.  Any judgement on anything will negate any chance that there is anything in that structure that may be utilised. All states exist in all humans at all times.

The ‘key’ is remembering that one can travel or move between frequencies.

Travelling to other locations horizontally (physical travel to locations on the planet) gives access to information and inter-action there too.  Embodiment is helped by massage.  Once one person accesses a frequency and embodies it, it is available to all at that level.

Penetration of Matter by Spirit. It’s about matching frequency.

You can travel ahead but you must circle around and collect the strays, the laggers-on and help them if you are one who can bridge the gap by having one foot in high and the other in low.  Function – ascension.

I realised that though food was mentioned, this was but one example of how we may judge activities or organisations, such as the banking and financial sector, or government etc.  Name your favourite dislike!  It was also understood that making anything a villain, or hero, would inevitably lead to it becoming the other.  Don’t take sides – build a bridge between them instead.

This is a time for collaboration. That the Cathars upheld each other comes across very clearly in that book, they looked out for each other and lifted each other when one was hurting, wounded, in pain.  This is something we can do for each other, just by listening, chatting, being kind – it’s easy to help another like this and one feels lifted by the experience of doing so.  If I am feeling low, then I must learn to reach out and let my dear ones know – and vice-versa.  It doesn’t hurt or deplete me to allow love to flow through me if a dear one is feeling low.  The key is the knowledge and awareness that it is possible to move between states of consciousness and that one is not ‘fixed’ in one place…this is also important when it comes to listening to a dear one in pain – they do not need to be fixed.

Blessings

Lynn

©Lynn Paterson October 2017

France ~ Initiation (Part I)

Earlier this year I was surprised to feel the inner calling to return to the south of France.  I’d thought I was finished with France. I was even more surprised to feel a connection again to Mary Magdalene as I was certain I’d left all that behind, never to be re-visited.  Then the Cathars popped in too and all sorts of resonant information started collating itself in my close connections, social media, inboxes and other such places. As I said, I was very surprised to find this connection alive again because as far as I was concerned, I’d seen through all of the illusion and had no desire to get back involved with any of it again. I’d visited the area about 10 years previously and also in 2014 with a group.  Though my time there in 2014 was incredibly awesome, there were other aspects that I’d come into realisation about afterwards that lead to me withdrawing energy from the stories and people of the area.  I remember that even in 2014 I was surprised to hear from Magdalene again, as I hadn’t been feeling much of a connection for some years.  Truly, it’s a living mystery how these things come about!

In late 2013, and early 2014, I’d had two ‘callings’ from Magdalene in connection with the south of France.  As it turns out, so had my friend Deborah.  She emailed me “Magdalene is calling me, fancy going to the south of France with me?”  Deborah and I had re-connected in 2014 in Malta/Gozo after several years of little contact between us – but one thing is for certain with Deborah and me, every time we met it was extremely activating for us both.

“Magdalene’s been calling me too, so yes!” I somewhat bemusedly found myself saying. We decided to organise a retreat and blend that with private time. I felt like it must be in September. We called our retreat “Initiation” and all I can say is, it certainly was! One major factor in our retreat was to leave space for the Unknown (Divine Mother )  to come in – I was very sure of this aspect though Deborah less so, she was always happy to trust my intuitive hits.  Here’s how we put it:

“Our theme for the weekend is “Initiation”. Our intention is to invite the serpent-light power of Kundalini to awaken. We will be the crucible for Gaia’s Fire and our instructor will be Gaia Herself. And this is the exploratory part… we don’t know precisely what She will bring forth!”

Mary Magdalene by Richard Stodart

Little did we know what this was setting off for us, and that our individual and joint stories would weave unexpected and unknown paths.  In fact, I wonder at my own inexperience looking back – boy have I had initiation after initiation since then!  I have also discovered since that our story wove with that of the Cathars as well as that of Mary Magdalene.  When we discovered that there was a Cathar cave experience that the Cathar Initiates took part in we decided we simply had to include the cave expedition which several retreat participants decided to join us in too.  Because of the turns my life took that summer, I never did blog about the retreat, sites and caves we experienced so I’ll be including that later on, but for now I’m skipping ahead to the story of the 2015 retreat.

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The Wild Love of Spirit

~~~~ feel ~~~~

The wild oscillations occurring in my heart refuse to be tamed;

The Wild Love of Spirit ignites a flame that cannot be contained nor defined by intellect alone.

I soar with Spirit and scream with the Goddess.

My heart breaks open easily.

Tears fall freely as every moment brings me more Love, more compassion, more awareness.

I have tasted ecstasy and have known myself as Love too many times now to return to the limitations of the mind.

I have seen the face of the Beloved and will not settle for less.

Ecstasy Of St.Teresa - Staglieno Cemetery in Genoa, Italy

spiritual_ecstasy_by_jackthetab

bELoved I Am

“Beloved I Am, touch me with your passion, ignite the flame of Love within me! Leave nothing untouched! Unravel me completely.”

“Oh sweet emptiness how I yearn for you! To discover with the secrets of eternity is joy itself! Be with me now my Love for I Am nothing without your desire to know me.”

“Ah Spirit, be upon me now like no other time! Ravish me, explore every atom of my existence and leave no space unvisited. Discover in me the joy of Being.”

Spiraling through space undoing and redoing myself, unmaking and remaking myself. There is nothing here to stop me. Unravelling myself, swirling and coming together again anew … a cosmic dance of Love; Spirit unknowing in one moment … knowing in the next, dancing here, dancing there, dancing every where.

Separate circles … not spirals. Bands, circles, rings – they constrict and bind. Concentric circles around the self…

The eternal Now moment found within the deepest of Self knows no bounds.

She said “Your prison is a self-made construction of the mind. It is not hard to find those who wish to help you build and maintain it, for the wages of sin may be irresistible.”

An emptiness bestows itself upon me; there is a bleakness about it, yet joy can be pulled up by a thread from this void.

To know yourself you have to turn yourself inside out.

Consciousness invading me, swarming over every part of me, nothing is left of me. A mass movement, a movement of mass. Consciousness leaving no stone unturned, no thing can stand in its way as it swarms over and through, devouring, consuming everything in its path, its wake leaving me shattered, broken apart and undone every sense I have, no sense of ‘me’ is left in this moment; I Am dissolved in the sea of consciousness.

 

            Something is stirring my molecules. Something is stirring them back together…

            But wait! Out of the corner of my ‘I’ a small silver fish appears. The silver fish of consciousness is back.

 

 

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