France ~ Initiation Part V: Revelations and… the Holy Grail?

There is only one story in duality and everything tells it. Relax, breathe and be at peace for it cannot do anything BUT tell you! There is no need to search, nor to look for the truth as every thing you see, hear, touch, taste, smell and sense comes from the same story.

Symbols are not so much of a sign, nor more than you or I are a sign of something. No, we are a representation, or perhaps, a presentation is better…Yes, a presentation of our soul essence! Or a signature? Yes, also a signature in fact, our sign-nature…so yes, a sign, yet in a truer sense of the word sign, not as we commonly think of it.

And a symbol or synchronicity isn’t just a sign, it is that you are starting to see through the material world into the story beneath, you’re getting an understanding – or seeing that which stands-under. You are seeing more deeply. When this is seen it is possible to understand the repetitive patterns in life – and how one thing relates to another…

Thank you for joining me. What I share in this final part of the story is my mystical experience of how my physical journey on the road trip through France mirrored my metaphysical journey into my body and into the mystery of life. Church Temple to Body Temple. I’ve mentioned yoni mapping previously, and for now, it’s suffice to say that yoni mapping is far more than a method of helping us to heal sexual and physical limitation. It is in fact a way of exploring the entire universe.

FULL CIRCLE

By the time I got to Paris on Day 1, we still had a lot of undecideds, gaps, no accommodation booked and some other unknowns but few concerns. By the time we had completed the trip and were back in Paris it had all worked out beautifully, gifting us with an experience never to be forgotten, many insights and delights and the birth of something new to share. There were many extraordinary things that happened on the trip, numerous things that showed up as synchronicities, coincidences and graceful interventions. Themes emerged that linked the outer physical journey with an inner, insightful one – we were experiencing life as above, so below, and not as a concept but in a very literal, living, sense. Yet it wasn’t really until the trip was finished in a physical sense that we realised that certain themes were evident and that the physical, emotional and spiritual levels all weaved a tapestry of our story together. What is showed me beyond everything was that ‘As above, so below’ is what happens whether you know it or not. It’s not a choice. The only choice is whether you choose to work at seeing through the veil. Yet it wasn’t until the end of our trip that it became undeniably apparent how everything is the same within and without. One echoes the other.

Returning to Peter’s Apartment, Paliseau, Paris.
The experience I had at the end of the road trip was one of the most extraordinary things in my entire life. During a long massage from Peter which culminated in yoni touch and yoni mapping, I became very expansive; I ‘went out there’ far and wide, experiencing myself as the entire universe, a great expanse of outer space, the cosmos. This in itself is a phenomenal experience and because it wasn’t the first time I’d had it, I knew moments later when I felt a contraction, a lessening, a densification of the energy that something different was now happening. I felt a momentary sense of loss that I hadn’t managed to stay with the cosmic feeling. Choosing to stay present and with whatever was happening, I re-focussed on the yoni and the breath. I then realised that the densification of energy had in fact created a shape, like a container, and it was shaped as cathedral – I simultaneously felt this inside of me and out with me, encapsulating everything. It was an intriguing feeling that I found completely fascinating and so had no trouble staying completely present, open and curious. I wasn’t searching for explanations, I was simply trusting the process and still continuing in sensing the cathedral church like shape and feeling, which was of reverence, as if I were in a sacred space, a temple, the holy of holies. I felt both a personal and universal sense of awe; there was no seriousness, only sereneness, a feeling of super-light holiness.

A veil dissolved as I realised that the Mother Church was in fact the physical interpretation of the metaphysical energy of the feminine. It is the feminine in form, just as I am. I laughed aloud as I realised that every single person who went into the church to pray was in fact praying in a yoni! A revelation indeed which I felt as truth in the body; it was a complete somatic knowing revelation. Laughing again I was filled with a sense of incredulity that the truth is so utterly simple! I was telling Peter what I was experiencing and he, bless him, stayed so present and I could feel him enjoying my delight. But I wasn’t finished yet, oh no! It was like I was now able to sense through the concept of a material cathedral and see the energy underneath, that which it came from. It is that the solid material of the building is also simply a veil.

Another peal of laughter let loose as I realised that the Virgin Mary was in fact ‘symbolic’ of the female genitals – and when I say symbolic I do not mean that a symbol represents a concept, it is not a separate symbol representing something; I mean it IS the energy itself. Again I felt this as a knowing in my yoni and my entire being. (I had previously seen a good few articles and images detailing exactly this but I cannot tell you how vastly different it was to know this as a direct revelationary experience as opposed to intellectual knowing.)

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France Initiation ~ Part III: September 2017 Pilgrimage

Dear Reader,
Last year in 2017, I visited France twice. If you’ve read the first two parts of this series, you’ll remember that I thought I was through with France and the story of Magdalene etc. so it was a bit surprising to me to now have such an insistent pull and strong connection starting up again. I’d gone once in early summer and stayed a week with my friend Peter who lives to the south of Paris and then again for the road trip in September visiting the astrological oracles of Druidic initiation. It’s mainly the experiences leading up and including the September road trip that I’m writing about here. I hope that you will forgive the long and self-indulgent nature of it.  Let me start by telling you about how and when I met Peter…

Peter and I met on Deborah (Taj) Anapol’s Pelvic Heart Integration training course in England in the summer of 2014  where we had an opportunity to work together during the week. Peter then came and visited me in Cork after my marriage broke up; his gentle presence and support were truly appreciated and it’s been that way ever since. Over time we’ve discussed many things and found a very nice meeting of minds which was growth inducing, we explore metaphysics and physics, health and body, touch, pleasure, Tantra, Taoism, sexuality, spirituality, good food, freedom and truth. We have enough similarities and enough differences to make it interesting.  Peter is a physicist, and despite thinking I hated physics (old school stuff) until a few years ago, I have found that much of my mystical insights and experiences come through in a way that begs for clarity through physics. Running things past Peter has been an incredible gift to make sense of some of the more way out concepts that I access. I no longer hate physics though I still struggle to understand.

For some years now Peter has been practising a remarkable tantric type massage and has more recently been developing a method of yoni touch known as yoni mapping and is receiving incredible feedback and results with the women he is working with. The underlying principle of Peter’s work  that of pleasure: pleasure in giving and pleasure in receiving. He helps his clients revise any conditionality they carry that pleasure is bad and this creates an opportunity to let go of trauma held in the body and mind. When we open the door to accepting pleasure in the body as a fundamental right of being alive, not only may we rewrite our story and rewire our brain and body, we may also open the door to self-sovereignty too. He has developed effective blends of essential oils to assist with his work along with utilising crystal yoni eggs. I tell you this because massage, mapping and yoni forms a great deal of the experience I had in France when I returned there in September. Peter also joined Taj and I for our Initiation Retreat in 2014 and the three of us spent a good deal of time together. He was also in our intrepid Cathar Caves of Initiation outing group. It seems perfect that the cycle of the France Initiation retreat continues with the two of us and I’ll be sharing more about Peter’s work, our collaboration and our invitation to participate soon.

THE INSPIRATION
I think it was in March 2017 when I got an inspiration to return to Rennes Les Bains and the South of France. It came at the same time I was at Bracklinn Falls (a phenomenal high energy place and waterfall in Central Scotland) when I was receiving inspiration from the nature and oak tree spirits to bring a small group to visit waterfalls and trees in the area. The France thing was almost like an afterthought, as in, yes, and go back to the south of France and take a group there. Visit the salty river. Salt is important. I also knew it was to be in the beginning of September*. Because the inspiration for France came through at the same time as NatureMyTemple I see them as both separate and entwined.  A twin birth you might say. I felt more ready to launch NatureMyTemple and this took a lot of work (see blog) – the France trip felt out of my reach for a group – I just couldn’t see how I could take a group when I didn’t even know what I was taking them for. Despite feeling a new way of ‘doing’ groups which was basically not doing with having little or no structure. I just wasn’t able to move forward with it for France yet – it was all too soon for me to put a feeling into practise and I would require more experience to trust this new way.

*It wasn’t until 2 days ago that I realised why it was that September was when I knew I must go to the South of France, not only in 2017 but also in 2014 with Taj and when I look back over the deepest experiences I’ve had in France, they have always been in early September.  Astrologically speaking, 23 August and 22 September is the sign of Virgo, the Virgin.

Here’s the symbol for Virgo. An M, for Maiden, or Mary, or Mother? Also looking very much like church architecture/arches. The additional bit on the right is supposed to represent a sheaf of wheat, but is also similar to the sign of a fish, as in the ichthys, Christos. Wherever you look, the same story is there.

THE PLANNING, WHAT PLANNING?
I’d left Paris after my week at Peter’s in June with some ideas about the trip but there was nothing all fixed. I didn’t even know at that stage whether I would go alone, with Peter and with a group. I was extremely confused over the resurrection of the Magdalene presence and couldn’t get away from it. I knew I must pay attention to it precisely because it did keep on coming up. On 22 July I attended a Magdalene’s Feast day meditation at a friend’s invitation. Later that night I messaged Peter about how confused I was with the push/pull I was experiencing – up till then I hadn’t thought about it for some time, nor talked to anyone about it since 2014: Continue reading

“I Want to be Veiled!”

As usual, I woke up this morning in fear. Actually, more accurately,  what happens is that I awake, and then a few seconds later, I feel fearful.  It’s not a huge, terrible fear; it’s a quiet, almost indiscernible fear. I’ve  been aware of it for some years now and despite many attempts to root it out I still have it. Nowadays, I notice it more so because I get hot flashes due to menopausal symptoms – what happens with hot flashes for me is that if I have an anxious or fearful reaction to something, I then get a hot flash – it’s like a mild panic attack because the adrenaline is activated.

I used to think this morning fear was just fear at being here, on the planet and not feeling safe, not feeling at home here, so when I come out of sleep, awake and come back into my body, I then realise I am ‘here, and that’s enough to make me go into fear! Or so I thought. Recently though, I began to see that upon awakening, I am actually in my body and it is actually that realisation that causes me to feel fearful, and that’s what makes me to leave the body.

Quite an important distinction here as I had always thought we leave our body when we drop off to sleep. However that is not the whole story, and I think what really happens is that we have to fully come into our body in order to leave it! Not exactly sure how this works, but a theory would be that we have to fully ground into the body so that the part that leaves and merges can do so because it is still connected by the silver thread that has to be fully grounded.

Anyway, today was different because as I awoke in peace and moved into fear, I realised that the fear happens at the moment of realisation that I am separate … an individual person – because in sleep and for a few moments before I become aware, I must be knowing that I am not separate…otherwise, I would not have fear when I realise I am once again an individual.

This was a powerful realisation for me because whilst I have truly once or twice really known the words of Marianne Williamson, that we are in fear of our power, it was not something I had truly connected before. Here was another piece of the jigsaw puzzle falling into place. I feel fear because I am an individual. I dozed off again feeling content with this insight which nicely tied in with an experience I had last year about the power of fully individuating.

Awakening about an hour later, I was aware of hearing myself talk to myself… or perhaps it was a dream without a picture… like a soundtrack. I said “I want to be veiled.” Wow! Did I really hear myself saying that? “I want to be veiled!” I’ve never had a program reveal itself to me in this way before, yet I’m pretty sure it was my sub-conscious talking! Immediately I realised the importance of this on not just an individual but collective scale too. We are frightened of the power of women and so we veil them. Physically this happens in some countries, but it also happens energetically in many others. On another level it happens in each of us, whether male or female, as we each have equal masculine and feminine (yin and yang) whether we are a woman or a man. It also applies to the veil of illusion of this 3D ‘reality’ we live in. That veil is often called ‘Maya’ and it is what keeps us from knowing that we are not separate, but are One with All That Is. People who have psychic powers are able to see through the veil more than others and those who have done a lot of clearing* find that this also thins and
eventually removes this veil.

We in the West can often be heard criticising those countries that force their women to cover up and we cannot easily understand why some women actually say they like to wear the veil because they feel safer. They have this pattern more prominently than we do and as such display it for all of us to see. Each nation carries a piece of the shadow puzzle of human consciousness, and just as each region does, each city, town or village and family also does. Indeed, it continues right down to each individual and beyond.

What would happen if we as a whole could see this reflection as collective issue instead of judging? What happens when we see all human behaviour as a reflection of the collective rather than blaming the person as a being or even as their individual issues? To me this is incredibly exciting thing to explore, because despite being a fairly aware individual and intellectually understand this principle, it is another matter entirely to embody and experience the direct knowing of this truth and then to see the programme that I was running without knowing it was amazing.

Of course, I still had the programme to delete which I did and it’s likely that I won’t have seen the end of it because usually clearing limiting beliefs is not a one-off event but an on-going process. Yet, that experience of hearing myself say “I want to be veiled” was powerful in helping me to see how the collective consciousness works in the individual.

Releasing the fear of being seen is the next step – I’ve done a LOT of work on this already, believe me! There used to be a time that I literally became sick at the thought of speaking in a group – even imagining talking about myself and giving my name was enough to have me shaking with fear… and it was worse when the time came too! These days I am not so bad and most folks would have no idea just how desperately insecure and shy I once was, and still can be from time to time. It has never totally gone away and as I said before,  it’s a work in progress releasing it.

I am reminded that compassion for self and others is imperative when doing the ‘work of the self’ and as we do this work as individual, it affects the whole, the collective, and anything that has been done, can be undone.

If you’d like to know more about the clearing* work I do for myself or are interested in arranging a session please contact me for further information- it is my delight to share this work with others so we can enjoy simply being ourselves. You can find the tool I used on the “Tools”  page (Deleting DNA/Matrix Programmes)

*clearing is how I refer to the practice of rooting out that which is  not helpful for our spiritual growth…