Summer time in all its fun and glory is a time when everyone should be happy or at least happier… right? Not always as far as I’m concerned; there’s an edginess to it that is hard to explain about summer, and I know I’m not alone in having some deeply challenging feelings in the summer season.
There’s many who share in this. It’s not that I don’t love the sun and warmth and I especially love the long summer evenings when it hardly seems to get dark at all… but once the Solstice is over I can’t help but feel a disquieting, persistent thought that nips at my heels reminding me that the summer isn’t going to last; that it’s all going to be over and everything will dies. I almost dread the first signs of the leaves turning in August, and yet I love the autumn.
Then there’s another part that feels even crueller; the disappointment of unfulfilled dreams. Continue reading →
In my tantra work I’ve worked with quite a few women here in Ireland who have never had an orgasm nor even looked at what their genitals are like. This is an astonishing fact for a lot of people. The suppression of the feminine (Shakti/sexual energy) is particularly aimed at women and many feel completely shamed at simply just being a woman – this is often a sub-conscious belief that they are not even aware they have.
Because of the over sexualisation of women and their bodies, it is even more confusing today for women to understand themselves due to so many mixed messages in the media and entertainment industry. It is no surprise to me that both men and women are still having major difficulties with their sex lives!
We know barely anything about the power of sexual energy – even in tantric circles, we are only just beginners but if we want peace and harmony on Earth, it is essential we as a species claim our divine birth right and open to becoming fully sexually charged humans as sexual energy is the key to becoming empowered. This will require a radical re-think about what sex means, and a necessary letting go of our erroneous beliefs we formed through false information being fed to us over millennia. Continue reading →
I’m a very visual person, especially when it comes to media like movies or images on the computer. I find hours can disappear fast as water down the plug-hole as I become totally immersed in looking through photos and artwork on the internet. Ask me to find an image on a theme I like and I’m kept entertained for hours, especially if it’s nature! That’s what happened when I had decided I needed a new website for my tantra work, One Heart Tantra. I was currently using a theme of a woman holding a red rose but wanted a change whilst still using a floral theme. I had settled on Orchids as my main theme, as I find them so exquisitely beautiful.
I LOVE nature and am constantly inspired by what I see, feel and interact with, whether that be trees, rocks, pieces of dead wood, stones, plants, water, animals, insects and of course, flowers. My task for the site was to find several orchid pictures. I’d already located the main picture, but I needed these for the 8-10 individual pages on the website.
So here I was, trawling through Google searches for Orchid photographs for hours over a three-day period. I knew it was obsessive behaviour; I could have been far more efficient with my time but I was totally hooked on these orchids. Continue reading →
In July 2004 I was staying on Bainbridge Island, WA as part of a 2 week trip I was making to be with Isaac. My mother had shortly passed and this trip had been postponed a couple of weeks so I could go to her funeral. It was my first time on Bainbridge and we stayed a couple of nights with a dear friend of Isaac’s, Sula who he had met in serendipitous circumstances. They hadn’t long known each other and yet were old soul friends who felt a familiar and loving connection with each other at a far deeper level than the few times they had spent together would normally suggest. Between Sula and I there was a deep connection too which beyond the personality level that I was open to knowing more about. Continue reading →
I’m currently taking a longish break away from home, at the moment I’m on Bainbridge Island which is one of the islands in the Puget Sound close to Seattle, WA. It’s stunningly gorgeous here, a little gem of an island far removed from the usual mainland USA even though it is very close geographically. It’s a little sanctuary and in fact, I was told it was only used by the native Indian women and men did not set foot upon the island as it was deemed to be the place where women would go for their menstruation periods, and other feminine transformational & transitional experiences.
Apparently the only time men would come upon this island was for their first sexual initiation which was a sacred rite conducted by elder woman for the young men. How true any of this is I’m not sure, though I must say the island is certainly having an effect on me; I feel very held here and have deepened my appreciation and gratitude for our Mother and all the She represents to us.
As I’m writing this at 2pm on a sunny afternoon, there is a young male deer in the garden at the home I’m staying in; he seems quite unperturbed by my presence and I am able to go outside and just sit observing him. I’ve called him Eugene in honour of an animal totem vision I had many years ago in which I was approached by a young fawn, and on asking his name, he replied Eugene – which I did think was rather unusual!
This is my second visit to Bainbridge Island, I was first here back in 2004 when I was over from Scotland visiting my beloved Isaac in July of that year. We were doing a road trip, meeting some dear friends of his that he wanted me to meet. One of those was Sula. We visited with her for a couple of days and on our departure day we were sitting having breakfast at the Streamliner diner in Winslow, the main town on Bainbridge.
Isaac and Sula were chatting away after we ate and I allowed myself to drift off into a lovely soft state of consciousness (this was easy as I was almost constantly in a state of love-bliss the whole time I was with Isaac that trip). My eyes settled on a photograph picture on the wall of an American bald eagle. The photo was a close up of the bird’s head and shoulders, in semi profile.
This picture here is similar in energy though the pose is different – the one in the diner showed more of it’s shoulders and that gave me a different perspective. I’ve always loved eagles and hawks and whilst I see a fair number of hawks, my sightings of eagles have been limited to once or twice in Scotland where I’ve golden eagles, and also on a skiing trip in Nevada. I once saw a sea eagle which was so amazing.
The photo drew me in and I was totally absorbed… I began to feel that the bird was actually right there in the diner… the sounds of the diner and of Isaac and Sula chatting faded into the background and I began to experience myself as the bird. I could feel the haughty magnificence of the eagle, it’s detached attitude, or more like, it’s non-attached nature. I could feel the way my head moved on my neck, like stretching your head up and shoulders down and swiveling the head around. I felt the eagle’s strength and its ability to fly so powerfully and see from such a great distance… again, I felt the non-attached sovereign regal like haughtiness; not from it feeling superior to anything but simply it’s non-emotional nature, and it was at all not a cruel feeling. I felt I could see from such a high perspective, so totally non-attached, I felt such power course through my body and felt my eyes shoot out intense lightning like energy that was so piercing in it’s crystal clear clarity.
At the same time, I was also observing my experience and was totally amazed at it all, it was so fascinating to be able to experience even a little of what it was to be an eagle; I was literally awestruck and as I came out of the experience I was not able to share it with Isaac and Sula. I had to take some time to myself in the ladies room where I shed some tears at the sheer beauty of this bird and thanked the Source of Creation for my experience, and for gifting us the diversity of Earth’s nature.
I had another eagle experience later on that road-trip whilst we were driving down from spending a few hours up Mt Shasta in California. I was on the look for chipmunks (my God, how cute are they – I want one) which we don’t have in the UK and so didn’t notice a golden eagle soaring above. It swooped down and flew right over our car; Isaac saw it and said it was no more than a few feet above us. Though I didn’t actually see it, I could feel it’s HUGE presence and looked up and over at Isaac and said in awe “What on earth was that?”
To this day, when I tune in or see eagles, I can still feel some of that ‘eagle-ness’ in my body and whilst I have always loved and been called by eagles and hawks, I am now even more enchanted whenever I get the gift of seeing them.
My understanding of what happened was that I ‘merged’ energetically with the eagle or spirit of eagle and that anyone can do this with practise and intention. It happened spontaneously for me at that time and has not happened since with eagles, though it has with other life intelligence, such as flowers, or animals, insects etc. and this has happened in various differing ways, but always from a sense of total absorption and love. I wonder also if there was a memory of shape-shifting in this experience and if you wish to know more about what I mean I invite you to read the next part of the story which happened as we traveled down the Interstate 5 to Oregon… see Animals; Merging and Shape Shifting ~ July 2004 ~ Pacific North West USA
A bit of rain is falling this morning, and being a bit of a fair weather freak, I wonder how wet I will get if I go for my walk. I go anyway and find it soft and gently warm outside. Contrast to yesterday when it was so bright.. today I find myself more introverted and feel that instead of looking for something, I will let things comes to me instead.
I set off up the wee road and before going far realise that I have a script running in my head.. it’s like I’m rehearsing for this blog…. like a fly on the wall documentary… jeez – it’s just a blog for God’s sake! Why do I get into this energy of contriving so easily? I resolve to set it aside and continue.
It comes back very quickly and I catch myself plotting what I will say in the blog. I have to laugh at myself really – fighting with this will only produce more of it. I let go again and decide to take another path in the woods. A few yards further and I come across this little scene:
I consider the merits of taking photos of this to share. I take them anyway – after all, the idea is to share what I find interesting on my walk. I could do with being less interested in the value of something, I thought.
I moved closer to the little woodland hide-away, fascinated by the consciousness that would think to drag a metal barrier fence, a traffic cone and other bits and pieces into the woods to construct a habitat (of sorts):
I checked out the empty beer cans… a picture started forming in my head, the chairs are side-by-side facing a pallet, behind which were more than a few empty beer cans. Only the TV was missing.
I contemplated on the desire, the effort and the people who constructed this and spent time here. A fair amount of effort was needed. But why want to be in the woods and then leave your trash around? Pondering on these simple questions could reveal much about the workings of human consciousness and the state of the world. I’m not judging, I’m wondering, pondering and contemplating as I find it fascinating to unravel the workings of the mind.
I left the little domestic scene and continued. The path ran out and I had to make a new one, feeling slightly guilty about trampling the bluebells as I went. I blessed them. These woods are extraordinary to me – for some reason I am so enamoured by so may different things here… it’s impossible agin to stick with only taking 4 photos so I revise my commitment and think perhaps I will just do the blog once a week instead and include more photos.
I took another new path off the main path… it went sharply uphill. It came to a point where it split. like a Nexus,, with many paths going in many directions… I followed one which finished in this little sweet space. I was sure I could hear the fairies singing…
I came out off the woods at a different point on the road – a place where one of the house-owners has garden-ized a bit of the land at the side of the road. This tree made me stop and my resolve melted. I took its picture. The little plants growing on it are Penny Wort, or Navel Wort (they look like tummy buttons) and they are edible, in a salad, with a slight mushroomy flavour and like a succulent.. very juicy.
In the shower I was thinking about values and our habit of placing a value on everything. I wondered about all the stuff we own, all the things, the experiences, the teachings, the give-aways. I wondered if we value anything we don’t need.
My mind wandered to an instance where I gave-away some energetic tools as an experiment to see if other people found them useful. I was pretty sure they weren’t being used still. Something arose in me that was uncomfortable but I couldn’t place it… just couldn’t see what it was but it caused my adrenals to kick in (this is what happens to me now-a-days… due to menopause I suspect and a refining, a re-defining of my energies, I get a reaction in my body that is in direct relation to something that I have thought or seen. My inner interpretation, or filter system recognises it and it is interpreted as a threat. I’m taking measures to address it.) It was about the value or interest in things… like this blog – truly it could only be interesting and of value as long as I was not trying to make it so. The moment we try to make something in a particular way, the purity is lost and the thing is now less than it could have been.
What if I were to simply let go of any idea of value or worth … to stop looking at things or people, or experiences and assigning a perceived value to it? I suspect peace is the answer.
And, isn’t it interesting how we have constructed a world wher value is everything: “How much is he worth?” is a common question.. “He’s worth a fortune”… Is he now???
“How do you earn your living?” (You mean we have to pay to be here? Why?)
And isn’t it interesting that we call the value of money charged as ‘interest’ when we loan or borrow it?
I’ve been taking a morning walk for the last month, before my shower and before breakfast. Sometimes it’s been a delight and sometimes it’s been an effort but I am feeling the benefits of it. I’m starting to slow down and notice my reactions to things more clearly… I notice how hard it is for me to simply just walk without trying to make a goal out it somehow. I catch myself falling into the habitualised programs that take me away from the moment. It’s not rocket science – I’ve known this stuff for ages yet knowing is not doing and doing is not being. Unless that doing arises from a state of being, then it’s being too:~)Yesterday whilst out on a longer than usual walk in the woods by the sea, I found myself wishing I had a camera or a video so I could share some of the simple beauties I come across on my walks. Nothing extraordinary and yet exactly that at the same time. No moment will ever be experienced exactly like that again. So I decided it would be nice to post a diary of sorts of my morning walks… time will tell how often and how long I keep this up.
So armed with my camera I set out this morning and soon discovered so many beautiful things to take pictures of that I lost my way. Or at least lost the perfection of being present because I was so intent on futurising, on taking pictures to share that I was disconnected from simply just being. I realised that I needed some discipline or else my walks would be wasted so I decided to limit myself to taking only 4 pictures per walk after today, and then reduce that further to maybe only one or two… or even a short video from time to time. I had a bit of an anxious moment then, worried that I may not get the best of the best of the best shots unless I took loads and then cherry picked. Sigh… off I go again!
It was and still is, a beautiful sunny morning here in Courtmacsherry, (West Cork, Ireland) with hardly a whisper of a breeze. I’m home and breakfasted and sitting here blogging – this is taking ages!!! Gotta cut this down or it won’t be practical to continue and completely defeating the purity of the inspiration. Ho hum. Here’s some more pictures from my walk this morning: