“Till the wind shake a thousand whispers from the yew” – T.S. Eliot
It’s been just over three years since the yew incident in Devon which forms the main part for this blog, I’ve only recently felt to write about it. Before now, I never really seriously thought to put it into the written word and now that I have, I’ve really struggled in writing about it and it’s testing me in many ways.
Days of starting and not getting anywhere, going off on tangents and realising that they’re not tangents and unable to cope with trying to get a very large map into a readable format. There are layers of meanings within meanings and always there is a deeper level of understanding to drop into. But how does one paint the whole universe? By realising that one cannot not paint the whole universe in the first stroke? At least not unless one trusts that in every word, in every space, in what is said, and not said, is like a hologram that contains the whole. And by just being content with the content so far… and realising that sometimes the perfection of writing is that it is imperfect, and unfinished.
That hasn’t made it easier to write and I know now after struggling with it for weeks, that I am going through a deep initiation and learning as I write this piece. As I sit now writing this bit, I have just experienced a small panic attack and an intense urge to get up and do something else, anything to distract myself. I become quite agitated and get adrenaline rushes and hot flushes. I don’t know whether this is just about writing this particular piece or writing in general. Probably the two are not separate. I can only manage to write a few words, and a sentence or two takes more than 30 minutes! I think it’s partly because of the difficulties in either talking or writing without using a linear cause and effect model. I must write a poem about the experience of trying to write this stuff 😀 Certainly it would help if I could develop more of a sense of humour about it all – probably a good time for some laughter yoga! In writing this piece, I can actually see myself playing out on the micro scale the macrocosm of my life habits – the distraction, the focus on the little details like spelling, the seeming inability to trust the process, the constant allowing of interference, lack of focus, distraction by shiny things… the list goes on …and I’m betting all that sounds very familiar to a lot of people.
I suspect that this is just the beginning, and that I will be writing about this and in general from now on. One of the incredibly difficulties I find in writing is in trying to describe things from an holistic experience, rather than cause and effect, or storytelling in a linear fashion. I don’t know where to start and how to describe all the various directions my experience takes me in. This is because that even if not at the time, I now experience life as simultaneous potential (resonance) and not just in terms of cause and effect and a single forward moving timeline. I mostly always write from my direct experiences and will sometimes include additional material to help to explain or expand my findings. Sometimes this acts like validation for me. Also, I write in this style to keep it as pure as possible, I do not wish to translate it into ‘givens’ or create more dogmas from my findings. The point of experience or the sharing of it, is not control and knowledge – it’s not so one can say, ‘well this is the truth, and now I’m happy because I know the unknowable’.
Additionally, and interestingly, there are two very important things I’ve discovered during this process. 1) coffee is a shamanic plant medicine and can be engaged with as such. 2)My internal guidance telling me that ‘little and often’ is incredible wisdom for me, and not only does it work, it reveals so much more, and importantly, un-writes old unhelpful stuff and writes new neural pathways that have implications throughout my life. 3)I’ve forgotten what number 3 was.
I’m organising a nature retreat in the Trossachs area in Scotland for Sept 29th – Oct 1st, 2017. For the past few days I’ve been immersed in writing and re-writing about it. It’s simple, yet it’s been a big deal for me to move into being okay with the simplicity of it. Workwise, I’ve gone through a huge transition since pulling back from the tantric work I was offering. This has not just been about trying to find the write words; it’s been about moving into a deeper part of myself, leaning into the Lynn-ness, integrating and embodying (interesting that the word ‘dying’ is within the word embodying) and becoming less of me in so many ways, and in the process, becoming more.
This is my first offering of this kind and it will launch a new endeavour I received a few months ago when meditating at Bracklin Falls in Callander. A new chapter of healing started after I returned from living in Ireland; a very deep process, and central to that was Nature and elemental beings. I started taking even more time in nature, alone, walking, sitting by waterfalls, communing with trees, taking in the beauty of nature, slowing down into stillness and allowing my mind and emotional space to be less complex, divesting myself of deeper and deeper layers of conditioning and fears. I felt called to do this, an essential thing my soul insisted upon. My experiences, and photographs, of nature changed, they became more alive, more multi-dimensional. I found a new term, multi-sensual, which describes perfectly the wholistic nature of life of experience and experiencer.
At Bracklinn Falls that day I received the first insights into a new endeavour, a body of work, part of which is offering retreats for groups of people and elementals to come together in magical, playful, creative collaboration with each other and the elemental beings. This information is part of the story of my whole life expression – I could say it’s the result of all the years of being interested in nature, metaphysics, mysticism, tantra etc etc, yet the truth is that I cannot separate things anymore into cause and effect, so I see the information that came through simply as another chapter in the story of my life expression.
Some years ago, I realised that we (elementals and humans) each hold the key to each other’s fulfilment of potential (growth) – this now became a reality for me. They are our missing piece as we are theirs. For us, they can help us in areas especially where we have most fear; death, sexuality, other realities/dimensions, duality, spirituality, self-sovereignty. And how we help them? Well, that an important thing and what we get to find out in due course will be enlightening. Their story is not separate from ours, just as on a coin, heads is not separate from tails.
Later on I received further information which expanded on the original vision and gave an overall plan for the ‘Body of Work’ which is to explore and develop an organic, multi-sensual, multi-dimensional connection and multi-media collaboration with Nature. In seeking a name, I later consulted my favourite Oak Tree (as you do) at the Doon Hill Fairy Walk in Aberfoyle. I was guided to another tree spirit who brought forward the name “Nature My Temple”.
It’s taken months to integrate these experiences and it’s been very challenging to write about it, and even more so to try to put into words the non-teaching, non-hierarchal nature of these interactions and in turn, the new retreats. How could I offer an event that wasn’t based on teaching or guidance or suggestive of some sort of shift in consciousness, some sort of ‘reward’ or some solution to a problem? How would that be appealing? I’ve been advised that people want to know what their investment will give them. Well, the truth is that I don’t know, and more so, that having an agenda cannot yield realisation. Over and over again I’ve caught myself trying to solve the problem of having an agenda on having no agenda. Lol. Thing is that any reason for doing something, adding any ‘because’ to anything will only push ‘First Cause’ away. Because, there is no ‘because’, there is only ’Be Cause’. (Lol. Did you see that? Using ‘because’ to talk about the untruth of the word?)
Sometimes, it is easier to say what somethign is not than to say what it is. I always found that to be the case when trying to describe what tantra is for instance. About this new work and the retreats/events, I can safely say that it is most definitely not about trying to fix, or solve a problem, or add to anything or anyone.
So, I have done my best to describe the event without adding agenda or raising expectations, though inevitably that will happen and divesting ourselves of such does take practise and persistence. I think though that the best way for me to say it is in the elementals own words:
“We come here and be. We open to stillness and spaciousness in space, thought and time. Join us here where realities intersect.”
Over many years now I’ve been having shamanic experiences in nature. It’s taken me to now to be ready to offer this as a Body of Work, Nature My Temple. I’ve written about some of my experiences over the years on this blog, and have added them to the NatureMyTemple category here in my blog so you can find them if you wish to know more about my nature orientated organic shamanic folding and unfolding journey.
Here are the details of the first event in the Trossachs, Sept 29th – Oct 1st. I’m calling it the first even as it was the first one to come to me, and even though I most likely will be going to The Cathar region in France and offering an event there in early September, this one still feels like it will be the first one. That’s the rather strange experience of living in a multi-dimensional reality. At least it is strange until I get used to it. The event is on Facebook and you may also contact me via email at NatureMyTemple@gmail.com.
Waterfalls and Tree Spirits
Sept 29th – Oct 1st, 2017, join Lynn for a retreat weekend that honours the sacredness of Nature and the sacredness of Self. In communion with Nature we may remember our own true nature, our own unique role, and how that contributes to the whole. This is a journey with many dimensions, many destinations and many diversions! The elemental beings are inviting us to ‘weave a living myth with nature’ – a creative collaboration with them and Mother Earth in conscious evolution.
In coming together in Nature we will weave this living story and our own myth will emerge from the symbols of individual experiences. For each person they will be both the whole story and part of the group story at the same time – as above, so below. Each may know themselves as a unique and essential part of the collective. The Elementals will help us to find and honour our own role and presence whilst at the same time, not putting any pressure of performance on ourselves.
“We come here and be. We open to stillness and spaciousness in space, thought and time. Join us here where realities intersect.”
The theme for this retreat is Waterfalls and Tree Spirits, and that in knowing ‘samenesses’ and ‘differences’ we may know, grow and appreciate more of life. The essence is yin; water, wood, inner space, emptiness, silence, stillness, spaciousness, softness, sharing. The intention is simplicity and that less is more. The outcome may be a gift for self, and/or something to share; a symbol, an insight, an image, a word, a story, a tale, a joke, a song, a movement, a drawing, a sign or silence. It is part of the vision that our sharing will be put online in a simple presentation format.* In this way, it will stay alive, weaving a living myth of our time together, and being the foundation of many to come, more multi-sensual retreats/presentations will join it and as each new person interacts with it, it will become more, as they will too. This is how Weaving a Living Myth works.
*Nature changes and adapts all of the time. It is not a given that sharings are put online, though it is part of the overall vision for NatureMyTemple to publish online. It’s my intention that each feels free to contribute without judgment or the need to validate one’s sharings, and the vision to share online forms a testimony to this. I will always seek agreement prior to publishing online. This could be anonymously if desired. Anything shared remains the property of the experiencer. My intention is to eventually use the ‘Prezi’ application, and I’d love to hear from anyone who has experience, or feels they can assist in working with this. This is a work in progress and will continue to develop in creative collaboration.
Why is self-care so difficult? Why is say, sitting in silent meditation for only half an hour each day so darned hard to do? I’m not talking about guided meditations, snoozes, setting a sacred space etc. I’m talking about just sitting there with no distractions whatsoever. So why is that so very hard to do?
Because it’s really listening to ourselves – in sitting in silence with nothing else to distract us, we have to see who we are; we have to come face to face with who we think we are. It is very difficult to be intimate with the self; we’ll do anything at all to avoid, to void the self, to distract us from the monster within or the terrible emptiness that we think is inside of us.
This negation of self, this mass belief of the ordinary not being good enough, has created a monster of consumption that is never going to be satisfied for it’s impossible to fill a void that is not actually there in the first place. It’s all a lie.
The ordinary is enough, and trying to add to or change perfection can only take us away from that.
When we look at all the lies that we manufacture to convince ourselves that what our beliefs are right and that we need to change, to add or alter ourselves, we can see that the products of those lies materialise.
You’re being sold your self-worth. Oh dear! Hence the endless consumerism or the infinite inventions of that which is supposed to make you feel whole and complete.
The ordinary is enough is a realisation that the ordinary is enough. But that claim, those words, that sentence, well, it doesn’t feel like enough does it?
And this can be applied to everything that is out there designed to change, improve, alter, whatever! It cannot be done. Change is not possible, only perspective can be changed. The more things change, the more things stay the same. That’s because you, they, me, everyone, is eternal and unmoving.That’s it. The key to discovering, to uncovering this truth, is to actually do the opposite of what we are all desperately trying to do – stop trying to change anything at all.Yes, one of the greatest lies of all time is that change is necessary, or even possible.It’s this belief that is the promise and driving force of all religion, including new age spirituality, and of course, one of the biggest money makers of all time.
“Be the change you want to see in the world”. This one had me in its thrall for quite some time till recently in fact, when I saw through the mistaken belief that change is actually possible.
The only thing we need to change, is to stop trying to change anything, especially ourselves. Only then will we be able to see that we are perfect exactly as we are. Though it does take some time for the layers of what we’ve tried to add to peel away. And it takes a lot of courage to face that which we’ve hidden from, to uncover the self-betrayal and self-abandonment and attempts to negate the self. However, when we’ve seen, and then become the Hidden Beloved, it’s worth it.
The realization may only happen in its own timing. Until then, it is inevitable that we will continue to look outside ourselves, to endlessly try to fill a bucket with a hole in it, and continue to fail to fill up from the outside.
Nothing more is needed.
Notes about “The ordinary is enough.” When I discovered this I wanted to explain it by saying how exquisite the ordinary was, but all that did was to start the re-layering process again. There’s no need to explain why the ordinary is enough, no need to find other words to describe the feeling that the ordinary is enough. It is simply what is left when effort is removed. The Peace of The Ordinary. The peace of Giving up Trying to Change or Fix IT. The Peace of trying to change yourself. There is no change possible – change is an illusion – it all stays the same no matter how much it ‘changes’. The lie is believing it can change. Action can only come from what has been done before. Right action comes from Being. You cannot change yourself. You can only change the way you see yourself.