Full Circle

Today has been a strange kind of day. Somehow though I don’t know why, it feels like a full circle kind of day. Crows have been around, Oak trees have been in my awareness, water and the circle of life, of death have been there too…somehow they all connect and are showing me the mystery tantalisingly just at the edges of my consciousness.  An experience with exchanging energy with an oak tree brought me back to a primordial feeling of life. Back to the beginning. The flavour of it reminded of another such primordial beginning experience I’d had many years ago in Hawaii via the humpback whales.

WhaleEye9-JeanLuc
“the One eye, the One Love … Go to your True Nature” by Jean-Luc Bozzolli

“I was there in the beginning, dreaming the world into existence.”

Sometimes we have experiences ‘accidentally’ that are very similar in nature to those we might have ‘on purpose’ as in a vision quest.  I’m not really much of one for the on purpose or intentionally directed experiences as I find my mind gets so caught up in trying to make things happen and then of course it becomes too contrived.  It works better for me for things to happen ‘accidentally on purpose’.  In other words, not directed or intentioned by my conscious mind.

Sometimes the accident part is quite literal as in the time I was swimming with wild spinner dolphins in Hawaii early one morning in Kealakekua Bay on the Big Island.  The beach there has big rounded rocks on the shore line and often there are considerable waves hitting the shore making it difficult to get in and out, especially with flippers and snorkel gear on. That morning I was swimming for a long time and when we eventually headed back to shore I was tired and hungry, and a little shaky from the interactions with the dolphins. With dolphins it’s a holistic experience; it hits on all levels and I wasn’t just tired physically but emotionally, spiritually and mentally affected too. There’s a tendency to overdo things because the experience is so beautiful, you keep wanting another encounter. It was time though to leave, we were hungry and thirsty and the dolphin action was quietening down.

I swan to the shoreline and was concerned to see considerable wave action now. My partner managed to get out but I could see he hurt himself a little on the slippery rocks. I didn’t manage so well and got tossed about, struggled and got pretty beaten up on the rocks in the process. Thank goodness they were rounded rocks not jaggy but even so I was aware of cuts and bruises as I stood shaking and in shock on the shore. My partner hadn’t noticed and had headed back to the where the car was parked. By the time I hobbled over I was well and truly in a shocked state. It had been a brutal experience and I had been scared to my core, old memories of near drowning incidents still with me from my earlier life. Both my legs were bruised and bleeding especially around the knees, fortunately nothing needing stitches though.

I was wrapped up in towels and put in the front passenger seat. My partner drove us to our usual breakfast stop but I couldn’t go in – I was already drifting in and out of an altered state of consciousness brought on by the shock and physical trauma. I needed to stay in the car and let myself go into the deep mind so he went in alone and I was grateful the car had stopped moving so I could let go and disappear into myself for a while.

It’s at this point in recounting the story that I hesitate and to date have not managed to get beyond. I guess the main reason is I fear being thought of as egotistical, big headed or that I think myself better than others. It’s also because I don’t want others to feel less than because they haven’t had such experiences…all arrogance of course but still….it’s challenging to write about such deeply mystical experiences as this was with the connotations it has. Ultimately I have got to get over myself and realise that such mystical experiences are there to show us who we are and that we are Source itself. Trust in the process. It’s no big deal and yet at the same time it is a big deal.

(Anyway… some hours later I return to writing the story)

Humpback whales swim, float into my awareness. I think it’s strange because I was swimming with dolphins and yet here are whales.  The thought passes.  .  I feel very safe in this altered reality with my physical body wet and salty from the swim, warm now wrapped up in towels, I am cocooned. The whales  do not speak yet I understand they are taking me somewhere and immediately I have this thought we go back in time, further and further back.  I realise the whales are not just guides but the star-gate and the journey itself. They are both the means of travel and the travel itself. And as I go back still further, time itself unwinds, stripping away from itself, spiralling through the cosmos and then there is awareness of no time. It is primordial, before time.

Now, I am there, in the beginning. I see the world before me, not as it is now but from before time began, not yet physically formed.   I am aware of myself then, as me yet not the personal ‘me’. I am part of a collective, with individual awareness, and all of all of us there in the beginning, dream time. The world was not yet formed, still gaseous at this stage, still in the process and yet to form into physical matter…this I knew. There were a definite number of us, not an infinite number.  I do not remember how many, only that I am one of the many, many of the one. I see-feel-sense-know in perfection how this could be so, many angels ‘flying’, circling around the world, dreaming it into existence. I was not physical either, none were physical beings. Collective yet with individual awareness.
Words form in me. “I was there in the beginning, dreaming the world into existence.”

In searching for an image, I came across the work of Jean-Luc Bozzoli whom I had met in Hawaii along with his partner Joan Ocean. In his artwork I find similarities to my experience in Hawaii and in the words also, so similar, a message here from the humpback whales which really is saying more or less the same thing as my experience:

“MESSAGE FROM THE WHALES: “You believed that you were localized in space and time. Now you understand that you are part of an Inter-flow. Inter-flow is a word that we whales have provided for you to describe the process as we whales know it. It is not a noun, but a verb ? everything is movement and we are also in movement. In us, singularity and plurality are one and the same. There is only the One, the ultimate reality, indwelling in all. The multiplicity you seem to experience in your lives is only a mirror of the One. All the beautiful variety and diversity, is united in an immense sophisticated singularity of such huge proportions that it is difficult for you to comprehend. ——- But we can see that the experiment of integration with you and others is working. The synergy between our minds is increasing.”

Almost 15 years on and I realise how many extreme and mystical experiences happen to me after I have been in water for prolonged periods.  Not just in water either, but about water, and how water shapes physical matter, how it is the well-spring within us, La Source, Mother.

©Lynn Paterson 2018

It brings me the greatest joy to share my experiences and even more joy to assist others in having experiences. I am available for you if you wish to make a connection with the humpbacks, dolphins, crow-people, trees, water, angels, Divine Mother …  I act like a bridge to connect your awareness with them. This can be simply a beautiful experience and it can also be of assistance in embodying your divine blueprint, helping you to the next stage of your life journey and opening new doorways in reality, in perception. Sessions can be in person, via video call or remotely in meditation. Please get in touch, many blessings.

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Who Looks Inside

What is there inside that is not Love?
Look inside
Look carefully
Look again, there!
Is this not of Love, this part denied?
Please, look again with new eyes,
Real eyes
There is nothing within that is not of Love,
Realise
Who looks inside awakens to the Truth.

©Lynn Paterson 2017

France ~ Initiation Part V: Revelations and… the Holy Grail?

There is only one story in duality and everything tells it. Relax, breathe and be at peace for it cannot do anything BUT tell you! There is no need to search, nor to look for the truth as every thing you see, hear, touch, taste, smell and sense comes from the same story.

Symbols are not so much of a sign, nor more than you or I are a sign of something. No, we are a representation, or perhaps, a presentation is better…Yes, a presentation of our soul essence! Or a signature? Yes, also a signature in fact, our sign-nature…so yes, a sign, yet in a truer sense of the word sign, not as we commonly think of it.

And a symbol or synchronicity isn’t just a sign, it is that you are starting to see through the material world into the story beneath, you’re getting an understanding – or seeing that which stands-under. You are seeing more deeply. When this is seen it is possible to understand the repetitive patterns in life – and how one thing relates to another…

Thank you for joining me. What I share in this final part of the story is my mystical experience of how my physical journey on the road trip through France mirrored my metaphysical journey into my body and into the mystery of life. Church Temple to Body Temple. I’ve mentioned yoni mapping previously, and for now, it’s suffice to say that yoni mapping is far more than a method of helping us to heal sexual and physical limitation. It is in fact a way of exploring the entire universe.

FULL CIRCLE

By the time I got to Paris on Day 1, we still had a lot of undecideds, gaps, no accommodation booked and some other unknowns but few concerns. By the time we had completed the trip and were back in Paris it had all worked out beautifully, gifting us with an experience never to be forgotten, many insights and delights and the birth of something new to share. There were many extraordinary things that happened on the trip, numerous things that showed up as synchronicities, coincidences and graceful interventions. Themes emerged that linked the outer physical journey with an inner, insightful one – we were experiencing life as above, so below, and not as a concept but in a very literal, living, sense. Yet it wasn’t really until the trip was finished in a physical sense that we realised that certain themes were evident and that the physical, emotional and spiritual levels all weaved a tapestry of our story together. What is showed me beyond everything was that ‘As above, so below’ is what happens whether you know it or not. It’s not a choice. The only choice is whether you choose to work at seeing through the veil. Yet it wasn’t until the end of our trip that it became undeniably apparent how everything is the same within and without. One echoes the other.

Returning to Peter’s Apartment, Paliseau, Paris.
The experience I had at the end of the road trip was one of the most extraordinary things in my entire life. During a long massage from Peter which culminated in yoni touch and yoni mapping, I became very expansive; I ‘went out there’ far and wide, experiencing myself as the entire universe, a great expanse of outer space, the cosmos. This in itself is a phenomenal experience and because it wasn’t the first time I’d had it, I knew moments later when I felt a contraction, a lessening, a densification of the energy that something different was now happening. I felt a momentary sense of loss that I hadn’t managed to stay with the cosmic feeling. Choosing to stay present and with whatever was happening, I re-focussed on the yoni and the breath. I then realised that the densification of energy had in fact created a shape, like a container, and it was shaped as cathedral – I simultaneously felt this inside of me and out with me, encapsulating everything. It was an intriguing feeling that I found completely fascinating and so had no trouble staying completely present, open and curious. I wasn’t searching for explanations, I was simply trusting the process and still continuing in sensing the cathedral church like shape and feeling, which was of reverence, as if I were in a sacred space, a temple, the holy of holies. I felt both a personal and universal sense of awe; there was no seriousness, only sereneness, a feeling of super-light holiness.

A veil dissolved as I realised that the Mother Church was in fact the physical interpretation of the metaphysical energy of the feminine. It is the feminine in form, just as I am. I laughed aloud as I realised that every single person who went into the church to pray was in fact praying in a yoni! A revelation indeed which I felt as truth in the body; it was a complete somatic knowing revelation. Laughing again I was filled with a sense of incredulity that the truth is so utterly simple! I was telling Peter what I was experiencing and he, bless him, stayed so present and I could feel him enjoying my delight. But I wasn’t finished yet, oh no! It was like I was now able to sense through the concept of a material cathedral and see the energy underneath, that which it came from. It is that the solid material of the building is also simply a veil.

Another peal of laughter let loose as I realised that the Virgin Mary was in fact ‘symbolic’ of the female genitals – and when I say symbolic I do not mean that a symbol represents a concept, it is not a separate symbol representing something; I mean it IS the energy itself. Again I felt this as a knowing in my yoni and my entire being. (I had previously seen a good few articles and images detailing exactly this but I cannot tell you how vastly different it was to know this as a direct revelationary experience as opposed to intellectual knowing.)

Continue reading

Dream Lover

Disco music, dim lighting, the thick cigarette smoke veiling and cocooning me. Sipping a ludicrously expensive gin and tonic I gaze across the nightclub floor at the deejay, willing him to look my way. I know I look gorgeous yet I’m terribly insecure. It works! He quickly comes over to me. I’m shocked and embarrassed; it happened too fast, I’m not ready! I brush him off by pretending he misread the situation. He shrugs and goes away. I’m still shocked that it worked, and so fast! This isn’t something I’ve tried before, tending instead to stay quiet, not flirt even, not wanting to be misread or considered a tease… so no games for me and instead wanting men to understand I’m not a threat, I’m reliable, trustworthy, kind. I feel guilty now – why did I do it? I didn’t even fancy him; I just wanted to prove I could.

Uncomfortable now, I turn away and find myself gazing into the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. My body responds before I’ve even seen his face. He’s young, about 22 I’d guess, with dark blond hair, and very beautiful.

We look, we dance, we smoke and struggle to communicate through our different languages. An hour passes and he wants to walk me back to my hotel, along the beach he says, very romantic under the moon with the sea. My body longing, my emotions surging, my mind says ‘oh right, yes sure, I know what you want and it’s not going to happen coz it will feel cheap, tacky – I will feel used.’ (I also thought about the discomfort of the sand…)

On the way home with the girls now and they tell I should have, thinking I’d said no because of being unfaithful to my boyfriend back home…they said they wouldn’t have told on me. That’s only part of it for me though. I feel a deep regret, and confusion.  Did I make the right decision or should I have taken the chance and gone along with him?  No, I know it would have cheapened, lessened the experience as I thought the physical reality rarely lived up to my imagined one.  With the benefit of hindsight and many years of life, I wonder if I’d have chosen differently had I had some experience of a satisfying, fulfilling sex-life, perhaps I might have not thought that the thought of sex is better than it would be in reality.

Back in the hotel in my rather horrible single bed in the room I am sharing with a girlfriend and her 2 young children in our dismal, creepy old hotel, head spinning from too much alcohol, ears ringing from overly loud music, mind buzzing, wondering if I will manage to fall asleep and if so, will I ever awaken again from the intensely psychic energies of this creepy old place!

I drift off whilst thinking of my Italian Adonis. A moment later I’m immediately awake. He’s stepping into the corridor leading to my room! It’s a long, narrow passage-way and he’s walking slowly towards my door…

My body is responding, fully sexually aroused in mere moments. I’m lying on my back, utterly still, silent, every inch, every part of me intensely focussed on his progress. My body is singing.

He gets closer and closer, my pleasure intensifies with every step he takes. I can barely breathe, all is still, there’s no sound, no space, no time. The air, thick with my expectancy and anticipation, holds me a willing prisoner in my cocoon of pleasure.

Outside my door now, his hand on the handle, turning it. The door opens… I orgasm, not a small orgasm but a huge mega, completely real orgasm like I’ve never orgasmed before. It doesn’t hit the roof; it goes right through it and out of the building, reverberating its celebration for miles into the night. No, not a small orgasm like all I’ve had before through self-stimulation of the clitoris, this was an orgasm to change my life. I never knew how BIG orgasm could be, my whole body involved, the energy massive and unrestricted and not just contained within my body.  And at exactly the same moment I orgasm, I awake, until then I did not know I was dreaming.

In the moment, I realise that I have no resistance, no fear, no self-inflicted limitations;  my body and energy field are as one and I experience nothing but wave upon wave of ecstatic pleasure and there’s nothing to stop it happening.  I sense it like a sphere of shimmering subtle energy emanating from my body and simultaneously returning to me. I sense how it interacts with what it touches.

I lay there afterwards, going over the experience and insights.

OMG that was amazing! Awesome!

Will I be able to do it again?

Now, that’s how sex SHOULD be.

Why can’t I do that when I’m with someone?

Why indeed. At the time I got many insights, not least was that this experience confirmed to me what I had long suspected: my inability to orgasm with a partner was purely psychological and there was nothing physically wrong with me.  As the years passed I also developed many other insights and this experience was fundamental to my own sexual healing journey and also the work with others for theirs.

Another valuable insight I got at the time was that I realised that what I’d thought of as good orgasms up till now were in fact miniscule and puny in comparison. They’d been limited to and caused through physical stimulation. This dream orgasm had been completely touch free. Somehow I knew that the possibilities and implications were huge! Though for some years all I saw was that the reality of sex with another was often much less than the anticipation of it. That fantasy was more enjoyable than fact. But what is real and what is not? Is it not the case that both fantasy and fact can both be extremely enjoyable experiences and why should we put one above the other? Couldn’t we just enjoy both, rather than polarize to one extreme or the other?

The ‘wet dream’ I’d had was not from contrived sexual fantasy; it had happened without my conscious mind choosing it, though I was consciously aware and chose to think about this dream lover before I went to sleep, I had not fantasized about having sex with him.

The way I experienced the ecstatic energy was vastly different in my body. The sensation and awareness of having no resistance to the orgasmic energy was in itself an ecstatic experience and the orgasm added to this. It could equally be the other way around. For me, this raises questions about the nature of energy, of physical being, of interaction. And no touch involved! Purely from the imaginal realms I’d had a highly energized and physical experience.  That alone was mind-blowing.

I was even less satisfied with partnered sex A.D. (After Dream) than I had B.D. It would be some 20 years before I was able to feel comfortable enough to relax and ‘achieve’ orgasm with a partner through intercourse. That’s quite sad of course, yet it was also this situation that contributed to my desire to help others with sexuality issues and also of course to continue exploring for myself too.  My reality at the time was that though I had a longing for more sexual satisfaction, it wasn’t really centre stage in my life and only once in while would it creep in from the edges of my mind.  I simply believed that this was just the way it was for me.  So I’d settle for less, unable to even consider talking to my partners or seeking help, hoping things would change on their own or I’d meet someone with whom everything would be perfect.  This fear of talking to another about sex also gave me good skills to make others feel comfortable talking to me about their sexual issues and to listen without judgment.

Nowadays I continue to develop myself and grow in spiritual awareness through exploring my sexuality and looking back on my younger self I feel deep compassion for her for all the confusion, suffering and misunderstanding she went through.

© Lynn Paterson 2018

France Initiation ~ Part III: September 2017 Pilgrimage

Dear Reader,
Last year in 2017, I visited France twice. If you’ve read the first two parts of this series, you’ll remember that I thought I was through with France and the story of Magdalene etc. so it was a bit surprising to me to now have such an insistent pull and strong connection starting up again. I’d gone once in early summer and stayed a week with my friend Peter who lives to the south of Paris and then again for the road trip in September visiting the astrological oracles of Druidic initiation. It’s mainly the experiences leading up and including the September road trip that I’m writing about here. I hope that you will forgive the long and self-indulgent nature of it.  Let me start by telling you about how and when I met Peter…

Peter and I met on Deborah (Taj) Anapol’s Pelvic Heart Integration training course in England in the summer of 2014  where we had an opportunity to work together during the week. Peter then came and visited me in Cork after my marriage broke up; his gentle presence and support were truly appreciated and it’s been that way ever since. Over time we’ve discussed many things and found a very nice meeting of minds which was growth inducing, we explore metaphysics and physics, health and body, touch, pleasure, Tantra, Taoism, sexuality, spirituality, good food, freedom and truth. We have enough similarities and enough differences to make it interesting.  Peter is a physicist, and despite thinking I hated physics (old school stuff) until a few years ago, I have found that much of my mystical insights and experiences come through in a way that begs for clarity through physics. Running things past Peter has been an incredible gift to make sense of some of the more way out concepts that I access. I no longer hate physics though I still struggle to understand.

For some years now Peter has been practising a remarkable tantric type massage and has more recently been developing a method of yoni touch known as yoni mapping and is receiving incredible feedback and results with the women he is working with. The underlying principle of Peter’s work  that of pleasure: pleasure in giving and pleasure in receiving. He helps his clients revise any conditionality they carry that pleasure is bad and this creates an opportunity to let go of trauma held in the body and mind. When we open the door to accepting pleasure in the body as a fundamental right of being alive, not only may we rewrite our story and rewire our brain and body, we may also open the door to self-sovereignty too. He has developed effective blends of essential oils to assist with his work along with utilising crystal yoni eggs. I tell you this because massage, mapping and yoni forms a great deal of the experience I had in France when I returned there in September. Peter also joined Taj and I for our Initiation Retreat in 2014 and the three of us spent a good deal of time together. He was also in our intrepid Cathar Caves of Initiation outing group. It seems perfect that the cycle of the France Initiation retreat continues with the two of us and I’ll be sharing more about Peter’s work, our collaboration and our invitation to participate soon.

THE INSPIRATION
I think it was in March 2017 when I got an inspiration to return to Rennes Les Bains and the South of France. It came at the same time I was at Bracklinn Falls (a phenomenal high energy place and waterfall in Central Scotland) when I was receiving inspiration from the nature and oak tree spirits to bring a small group to visit waterfalls and trees in the area. The France thing was almost like an afterthought, as in, yes, and go back to the south of France and take a group there. Visit the salty river. Salt is important. I also knew it was to be in the beginning of September*. Because the inspiration for France came through at the same time as NatureMyTemple I see them as both separate and entwined.  A twin birth you might say. I felt more ready to launch NatureMyTemple and this took a lot of work (see blog) – the France trip felt out of my reach for a group – I just couldn’t see how I could take a group when I didn’t even know what I was taking them for. Despite feeling a new way of ‘doing’ groups which was basically not doing with having little or no structure. I just wasn’t able to move forward with it for France yet – it was all too soon for me to put a feeling into practise and I would require more experience to trust this new way.

*It wasn’t until 2 days ago that I realised why it was that September was when I knew I must go to the South of France, not only in 2017 but also in 2014 with Taj and when I look back over the deepest experiences I’ve had in France, they have always been in early September.  Astrologically speaking, 23 August and 22 September is the sign of Virgo, the Virgin.

Here’s the symbol for Virgo. An M, for Maiden, or Mary, or Mother? Also looking very much like church architecture/arches. The additional bit on the right is supposed to represent a sheaf of wheat, but is also similar to the sign of a fish, as in the ichthys, Christos. Wherever you look, the same story is there.

THE PLANNING, WHAT PLANNING?
I’d left Paris after my week at Peter’s in June with some ideas about the trip but there was nothing all fixed. I didn’t even know at that stage whether I would go alone, with Peter and with a group. I was extremely confused over the resurrection of the Magdalene presence and couldn’t get away from it. I knew I must pay attention to it precisely because it did keep on coming up. On 22 July I attended a Magdalene’s Feast day meditation at a friend’s invitation. Later that night I messaged Peter about how confused I was with the push/pull I was experiencing – up till then I hadn’t thought about it for some time, nor talked to anyone about it since 2014: Continue reading

Radiant Heart – Mary Magdalene

Photographer unknown - used with gratitude
Photographer unknown – used with gratitude

 

I Am a Radiant Heart. So full of Love and delight. Bask in the presence of the One and All shall find their true Love. Sweetness comes to all that seek to know the truth of being fully human. Both divine and human. Man in divine truth is a beautiful creation that know no limits to its love.

Existence stills the mind for all eternity, coming unto self in the night of passion of the only one. No one need be passed by for in choosing love over all else, the righteous nature of self exceeds all else.  There is nothing to add to this.

Be unto the self as a mother is to her new-born child.  In every moment cherish the child of God that you are.  Never let a day go by without offering Love to yourself.  As you do this act of Grace you and all others are filled with Grace herself.

When your brothers and sisters come to you seeking that which they sense you have, it is because you are already being it. Hold back nothing now because there is nothing that can be taken which is your truth.  Do not limit the Grace of Spirit which desires to move through you.  It will be a balm unto the many as they seek their own true nature.

Fear not the wolves in the hearts of men for they know not what they do and ignorance is not the match of a Spirit infused soul.  Your truth cannot be taken from you; it may only be given away. Fear not evil for it is only seeking to know itself. Be a light in the darkness of despair.

I am your mother, your sister, your lover in alms.  Thank you for your devotion, I am always with you for we are one.

Lynn Paterson © 2017

Radio Interview with Lynn on Tantra and Kundalini

My interview about Tantra and Kundalini on the I AM Well Show (18.12.13)  is now available to listen on-line:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/renford/2013/12/18/the-i-am-well-show-with-guest-lynn-paterson

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