France ~ Initiation (Part II)

Dear Reader, as this story directly continues from France-Initiation (Part I), may I suggest you start there before reading this as otherwise it won’t really make much sense.

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At the end of the first part France–Initiation (Part I) I was telling you about the devastation I felt at the death of a story I’d been carrying for many years, upon which much of my sense of self was built. The death of an ‘inner story character’ is literally is like a death of a self, albeit a false self but that it is false is not known until the moment of the death-blow. That sort of experience is like the tarot card ‘The Tower’ and it was not without a sense of irony that I remembered the name ‘Magdalene’ has been translated to mean tower.

That Taj (Deborah) seemed fine, even excited, about my 180 degree turnabout was an exceedingly healing experience for me and taught me that there were some people who did indeed embrace the unexpected and change, and that here was a great friend indeed who appreciated me for who and what I was – and not for who and what I thought I was, or who I thought I should be.

This was a great antidote to the pattern of “I’ve made my bed and now I must lie in it”, which quite literally does of course mean lying to self, and others. This particular pattern I see in myself and other women, though there are men who carry it as well.  I feel it is a (false/shadow) feminine pattern and it goes along with the fear that women/the feminine are/is always changing their/its minds, that they can’t be relied upon, they are emotional, are not dependable, unpredictable, uncontrollable, not understandable, not logical. In other words, not safe, dangerous! It’s quite easy to dismiss this one yet in my experience it shows up in people on a daily basis and mainly you can see this through its counterpart which is the rigid, fixed mentality of authority. (Interestingly enough, this same pattern was to rear its head in 2017 when I was planning the return to France.)

Deborah and I went ahead and recorded our free introductory teleseminar the next day. I’d love to tell you that it worked out even better than it would have done before I had my turnabout, but it did not. In fact I didn’t feel it went well at all. I felt challenged to find my voice and more so that I’d lost the thread of what I wanted to share, and also that I couldn’t properly articulate what I was going through. Taj however thought differently, she really enjoyed it and had no criticisms of my contribution. I’ve not been able to bear even the thought of listening to the video since then.* (for update – see end of blog)

Knowing our next one was due on February 22nd I decided to let things settle for a few days. But they didn’t and if anything, I felt even more strongly about things. The energy was gone for me and I couldn’t get it back.  I went ahead and told Taj I couldn’t continue with the teleseminar series nor the week-long retreat we’d planned.  I felt terrible about it all.

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Twin Flames 11:11

In the time of ages, space universal since the beginning of time – intertwined, intertwinned – never apart, never together…always apart, always together…

Magic runs through my veins,
Love is in my arteries,
Fear resides where yet I must visit,
Beloved! Take me upon thy wings of consciousness so that I may return to my heart home,
Believe in me,
Weave me into being,
Let us be as One,
Divine compliment,
My love,
Who am I to request such trust?
Put me to your test why don’t you?
In what forms shall I visit you?

~

I will overlight all those who come into your presence my Beloved,
Long have I dreamt of you as you have dreamt of me,
Parallel universes of experiences we have had,
Back to back,
Dreaming of each other as first thee and then me,
Never both in the same place and time,

Never meeting – always missing each other,
Is it possible to miss that which you never had?
Of course, for we are One,
I was always forgetting,
You were always forgiving.
Thank you my Love,
Make me whole – take me in and never let me go again,

Forgiveness means forgetting ends,
How may I serve thee Love?

~

“I am you and you are me and we are all together.”  I am the Walrus, The Beatles (Lennon/McCartney)

~

She said, “I saw 2 different viewpoints or experiences.  Was I having them both?  Yet I feel I am really HER, and HE is the other experiencing me, as HER.  Both having own experiences, yet twinned.  Like a spinning coin, head and tails.” Splice, braid, weave together…and,

She realises, “I am made whole unto myself; a woman in form, whole and complete.  Source in form, source incarnate. Walking on earth to carry full embodiment. It has come to pass. The journey is ended and yet it has just begun.”

 

© Lynn Paterson 2017

France ~ Initiation (Part I)

Earlier this year I was surprised to feel the inner calling to return to the south of France.  I’d thought I was finished with France. I was even more surprised to feel a connection again to Mary Magdalene as I was certain I’d left all that behind, never to be re-visited.  Then the Cathars popped in too and all sorts of resonant information started collating itself in my close connections, social media, inboxes and other such places. As I said, I was very surprised to find this connection alive again because as far as I was concerned, I’d seen through all of the illusion and had no desire to get back involved with any of it again. I’d visited the area about 10 years previously and also in 2014 with a group.  Though my time there in 2014 was incredibly awesome, there were other aspects that I’d come into realisation about afterwards that lead to me withdrawing energy from the stories and people of the area.  I remember that even in 2014 I was surprised to hear from Magdalene again, as I hadn’t been feeling much of a connection for some years.  Truly, it’s a living mystery how these things come about!

In late 2013, and early 2014, I’d had two ‘callings’ from Magdalene in connection with the south of France.  As it turns out, so had my friend Deborah.  She emailed me “Magdalene is calling me, fancy going to the south of France with me?”  Deborah and I had re-connected in 2014 in Malta/Gozo after several years of little contact between us – but one thing is for certain with Deborah and me, every time we met it was extremely activating for us both.

“Magdalene’s been calling me too, so yes!” I somewhat bemusedly found myself saying. We decided to organise a retreat and blend that with private time. I felt like it must be in September. We called our retreat “Initiation” and all I can say is, it certainly was! One major factor in our retreat was to leave space for the Unknown (Divine Mother )  to come in – I was very sure of this aspect though Deborah less so, she was always happy to trust my intuitive hits.  Here’s how we put it:

“Our theme for the weekend is “Initiation”. Our intention is to invite the serpent-light power of Kundalini to awaken. We will be the crucible for Gaia’s Fire and our instructor will be Gaia Herself. And this is the exploratory part… we don’t know precisely what She will bring forth!”

Mary Magdalene by Richard Stodart

Little did we know what this was setting off for us, and that our individual and joint stories would weave unexpected and unknown paths.  In fact, I wonder at my own inexperience looking back – boy have I had initiation after initiation since then!  I have also discovered since that our story wove with that of the Cathars as well as that of Mary Magdalene.  When we discovered that there was a Cathar cave experience that the Cathar Initiates took part in we decided we simply had to include the cave expedition which several retreat participants decided to join us in too.  Because of the turns my life took that summer, I never did blog about the retreat, sites and caves we experienced so I’ll be including that later on, but for now I’m skipping ahead to the story of the 2015 retreat.

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The Wild Love of Spirit

~~~~ feel ~~~~

The wild oscillations occurring in my heart refuse to be tamed;

The Wild Love of Spirit ignites a flame that cannot be contained nor defined by intellect alone.

I soar with Spirit and scream with the Goddess.

My heart breaks open easily.

Tears fall freely as every moment brings me more Love, more compassion, more awareness.

I have tasted ecstasy and have known myself as Love too many times now to return to the limitations of the mind.

I have seen the face of the Beloved and will not settle for less.

Ecstasy Of St.Teresa - Staglieno Cemetery in Genoa, Italy

spiritual_ecstasy_by_jackthetab

Sexual or Spiritual? ~ Dissolving the Barriers of the Mind.

“If your flame of awareness is burning bright, you will know that sex is not just sex. Sex is the outermost layer; deep inside is love, and even deeper is prayer, and deepest is God himself. Sex can become a cosmic experience; then it is tantra.” – Osho

Beyond our mind-made labels of who we think we are as sexual or spiritual entities, beyond our concepts of sexuality of straight, bi, gay or any other identification we have, is Love. Osho knew this and elegantly shared it in the quote above.

To know thyself as Love, both as an individual and as the One, is the realisation we long for, even we do not yet know it.

It takes a lot of self-trust and courage to really let go into ecstasy – and someone to hold their own heart-space as they give unconditionally to you. Continue reading

Inner Marriage on Beltane, 2012

I’ve been away doing tantric sessions/massage with a friend who is also a trainee – something shifted in those few days… she got really ill on Sunday night and it looked like we might not be able to travel. It lifted long enough for us to get home, thank goodness, but it was a trial for both of us in our own ways. I got home and had a long bath chatting with my beloved… after I got out, I started trembling and thought it was lack of food and low blood sugar – which it partly was…. yet it continued even after I eat and drank, so i went upstairs to lie down. I tuned in and also again several times during the evening but all i got was something about ‘solar lions’. I also became aware that something much bigger than my own personal experience had happened during the time I was away and I can only describe it as our soul family had just gone through a major shamanic journey.

A friend in England texted me and said she had picked up something and asked if I was alright.

Later on, in bed, despite being extremely tired and not having slept well since I had left, I just couldn’t sleep and was trembling and shaky (this often indicates to me that something is trying to come through and that I’m not allowing it to) I again asked and finally I got a ‘message’ to get my pad and write, so I turned the light on and noticed it was almost midnight… almost Beltane.

It came through very quickly; it had been waiting for this exact moment when the clock ticked into the next day which, even before Beltane was named, is a day that is energetically open and aligned with the merging of male/female principles.

“An initiation. A marriage within the joining of the two forces of nature destined to be made whole, into oneness – inevitable because they cannot stay apart as they attract each other… because they are already one. Yet, until you stopped looking outside of yourself these two inner forces could not meet because they were committed to anothers forces… their docking stations were already occupied.”

It continued…

“Solar Lion – will you marry yourself?” I answered “YES!” “Do you take yourself in full and whole Love?” Said I, “Yes I do, Yes I do… I Am whole and full of essence of unity of Love.”

“The Unity of Love

A Blessing given freely

To those of Faith

2012 is a year of Faith

Do not sway.”

Do a ceremony – invite in Spirit: angels, elemental energies etc. Wear something nice and gift yourself something as a token of marking this initiation… can be a bought thing or something given by nature. Bring some greenery into the house. Celebrate together.

It was also suggested that as I am already married  that we look at our agreement and update it again because despite having done this previously, we are now different people – and do this prior to the inner marriage ceremony.

The word Beltane is thought to mean bright fire, white and shinning and fire is used to celebrate the waxing of the sun, giver of life.