I’d been reading the Cathar book We Are One Another by Arthur Guirdham and I’d been at it pretty intensely, getting drawn into the story for a couple of weeks, and it was also just after the first Waterfalls retreat. I’d been sharing with a friend about my France experiences, and there was a certain energy to that. That night I couldn’t sleep and was restless, some kundalini type orgasmic energy (mild) came up through me and that is slightly unusual for me these days. Then I started to get words through:
Kundalini can be utilised to raise vibration consciously. Once a certain vibration is reached, the information (truth) at that level is available to read, or is revealed. Like moving up and down the musical scales, different vibrational state can be accessed easily. Movement between them (like an elevator) is easily achieved. One floor is not necessarily better than another, once all are easily accessible by choice, one can move between at will and not get stuck in one place. It’s the getting stuck and not realising you can move, that is suffering. Once you realise you can move at will, suffering ceases, as does judgement and really, not floor is better or worse than another, they are just different, and preferences are fine to have.
Sexual ecstasy can be used in the same way, as can nature, like waterfalls, which can give access to the Nature Spirit dimension. Getting stuck in lower states can be avoided, or if it happens, then there’s always someone there to remind you . This is the benefit of having a group to consort with.
This movement describes resonance.
Food can be used – by omitting food of low vibration, one may access higher frequencies. Vibration however will not be sustained at this level because there is separation/judgement of ‘lower’ food, or energies. Transcendence is not lifting above, not going through. So, if there should be a time when vibration drops, and there will be because it’s not true higher vibe, but almost like artificially made higher state, then a crash will happen because there is still a frequency not embodied. By eating low/dense vibration food, and not judging it, one may bring consciousness to the lower states, thereby giving opportunity for growth and expansion to that state. Any judgement on anything will negate any chance that there is anything in that structure that may be utilised. All states exist in all humans at all times.
The ‘key’ is remembering that one can travel or move between frequencies.
Travelling to other locations horizontally (physical travel to locations on the planet) gives access to information and inter-action there too. Embodiment is helped by massage. Once one person accesses a frequency and embodies it, it is available to all at that level.
Penetration of Matter by Spirit. It’s about matching frequency.
You can travel ahead but you must circle around and collect the strays, the laggers-on and help them if you are one who can bridge the gap by having one foot in high and the other in low. Function – ascension.
I realised that though food was mentioned, this was but one example of how we may judge activities or organisations, such as the banking and financial sector, or government etc. Name your favourite dislike! It was also understood that making anything a villain, or hero, would inevitably lead to it becoming the other. Don’t take sides – build a bridge between them instead.
This is a time for collaboration. That the Cathars upheld each other comes across very clearly in that book, they looked out for each other and lifted each other when one was hurting, wounded, in pain. This is something we can do for each other, just by listening, chatting, being kind – it’s easy to help another like this and one feels lifted by the experience of doing so. If I am feeling low, then I must learn to reach out and let my dear ones know – and vice-versa. It doesn’t hurt or deplete me to allow love to flow through me if a dear one is feeling low. The key is the knowledge and awareness that it is possible to move between states of consciousness and that one is not ‘fixed’ in one place…this is also important when it comes to listening to a dear one in pain – they do not need to be fixed.
“Till the wind shake a thousand whispers from the yew” – T.S. Eliot
It’s been just over three years since the yew incident in Devon which forms the main part for this blog, I’ve only recently felt to write about it. Before now, I never really seriously thought to put it into the written word and now that I have, I’ve really struggled in writing about it and it’s testing me in many ways.
Days of starting and not getting anywhere, going off on tangents and realising that they’re not tangents and unable to cope with trying to get a very large map into a readable format. There are layers of meanings within meanings and always there is a deeper level of understanding to drop into. But how does one paint the whole universe? By realising that one cannot not paint the whole universe in the first stroke? At least not unless one trusts that in every word, in every space, in what is said, and not said, is like a hologram that contains the whole. And by just being content with the content so far… and realising that sometimes the perfection of writing is that it is imperfect, and unfinished.
That hasn’t made it easier to write and I know now after struggling with it for weeks, that I am going through a deep initiation and learning as I write this piece. As I sit now writing this bit, I have just experienced a small panic attack and an intense urge to get up and do something else, anything to distract myself. I become quite agitated and get adrenaline rushes and hot flushes. I don’t know whether this is just about writing this particular piece or writing in general. Probably the two are not separate. I can only manage to write a few words, and a sentence or two takes more than 30 minutes! I think it’s partly because of the difficulties in either talking or writing without using a linear cause and effect model. I must write a poem about the experience of trying to write this stuff 😀 Certainly it would help if I could develop more of a sense of humour about it all – probably a good time for some laughter yoga! In writing this piece, I can actually see myself playing out on the micro scale the macrocosm of my life habits – the distraction, the focus on the little details like spelling, the seeming inability to trust the process, the constant allowing of interference, lack of focus, distraction by shiny things… the list goes on …and I’m betting all that sounds very familiar to a lot of people.
I suspect that this is just the beginning, and that I will be writing about this and in general from now on. One of the incredibly difficulties I find in writing is in trying to describe things from an holistic experience, rather than cause and effect, or storytelling in a linear fashion. I don’t know where to start and how to describe all the various directions my experience takes me in. This is because that even if not at the time, I now experience life as simultaneous potential (resonance) and not just in terms of cause and effect and a single forward moving timeline. I mostly always write from my direct experiences and will sometimes include additional material to help to explain or expand my findings. Sometimes this acts like validation for me. Also, I write in this style to keep it as pure as possible, I do not wish to translate it into ‘givens’ or create more dogmas from my findings. The point of experience or the sharing of it, is not control and knowledge – it’s not so one can say, ‘well this is the truth, and now I’m happy because I know the unknowable’.
Additionally, and interestingly, there are two very important things I’ve discovered during this process. 1) coffee is a shamanic plant medicine and can be engaged with as such. 2)My internal guidance telling me that ‘little and often’ is incredible wisdom for me, and not only does it work, it reveals so much more, and importantly, un-writes old unhelpful stuff and writes new neural pathways that have implications throughout my life. 3)I’ve forgotten what number 3 was.
Yews – Birth, Death, Resurrection
In the summer of 2014 I spent a week staying with a friend near Totness, Devon. A series of serendipitous happenings had contrived to bring me to this area again and I was feeling a sense of Grace in the unfolding of things. I’d wanted to re-visit Totness for a while.
Travelling down from Salisbury, I reached my friend’s home tired but very happy to be staying with her in her beautiful home in a stunning location in the Devon countryside. We’d only met once before, in Ireland when she popped into visit my partner in connection with a business matter – we’d felt a deep connection immediately and had wished we’d had more time together…and so here I was , taking her up on her invitation to come over and stay a few days with her. There was no set plan or agenda as such – just allowing whatever was to come forward to do so with ease. We’d be spending some time together and I’d was also wishing to see other friends there, facilitate some session work and also a workshop –plenty to do in only 6 days but given the grace and ease in which it had transpired so far, it was easy to let go and trust it would all work out nicely. RoseMarie mentioned some things and places of interest – Dartington House & Grounds, Buckfast Abbey and a couple of very old yew trees that she felt nudged to tell me about. We found ourselves sharing about the various yew trees we had each visited over the years. I recalled the lovely yews in Roslin Glen, and the famous old Fortingall Yew which I had visited on many occasions through the years.
Next day we met a friend of hers for lunch. My ears pricked up when I heard her mention Stoke Gabriel. When I was just starting my tantra and sacred sexuality work It was through archangel Gabriel that the name One Heart Tantra came to me. I met another friend Cathy the next day and we were discussing what to do. She mentioned she was about to move to Stoke Gabriel. Overhearing us, RoseMarie said there was an old graveyard with some yew trees.It was obvious to go there.
Connecting with the churchyard yews in Stoke Gabriel, I moved in to place my hands upon one. It was intimated to me that the function of yew is the sovereign of tree communication. They ‘rule’ the network as it were. Except that rule is not rule as us humans understand it to be. There was no sense of hierarchy whatsoever – this was their function and all things have their own function, one function is no better or scores higher or lower than another. This is simply what they do. Allowing my mind and feelings/senses to travel down into this communication network, I sensed that this vast, living network of communication, through the collective of trees, plants, flowers and fungi, was part of consciousness, our consciousness, and that humans were not separate from this consciousness of nature. Without wishing to limit it to such, I felt that this network below the surface of the earth was akin to our sub-conscious and there were things there that were buried, hidden from our everyday awareness. My mind travelled along the lines of communication, the living, organic network of roots from huge to micro sized and into the fungi that bridge the gaps. In that vast network in the earth I sensed secrets of human existence. I knew then that nothing has or indeed could be lost; it is all there waiting for us to discover it. Secrets are there, things that we have not allowed ourselves to know about who and what we are. This is the truth that we cannot yet bear to allow ourselves to know and it waits there until we have the capacity to face such truth. It includes a depository of understanding (that which stands under). The Yew intelligence intimated to me that all history, all things will be unearthed. It cannot be any other way, for nothing may be lost or hidden permanently. the ‘hidden’ things I’m referring to are both our history and the truth of our origins. I understood how it works in terms of ‘resonance’ rather than as ‘cause and effect’, that all of this information is coded and cannot be understood all at once, it is there, just not accessible, until it is. Think in terms of decoding the information. It depends on the decoder as to what information you get. Like re-reading a book some time later and you get new understandings because you have a new perspective; a wider bandwidth of information is now available to you.
The merge ended as quickly as it had begun – the whole process taking only around 5 minutes earth time¹. Without thinking, my mind immediately moved into the subject of child abuse and the horrific stories that were coming to light in that time period; the mass grave of nearly 800 babies and children believed to have been found at the Tuam Mother and Baby home in Co Galway² and the paedophile ring being uncovered in the UK around the same time. These were ‘stories’ that were coming to the surface of our awareness… they were becoming uncovered, unearthed.³ I didn’t try to analyse or even focus on what all this meant and then energy naturally shifted away and I noticed that my friend was sitting on a bench – she wasn’t involved and I don’t know she if noticed what was happening. I say this to let you know that there’s no fancy ceremony required in order to experience this type of communication – I just take the opportunities when they arise.
A day or two later my wonderful host took me to Dartington Hall, home of the Schumacher trust, famous for its transformational and holistic courses of which I had no idea of until this moment, but it now adds more understanding of the particular nature of the yew tree there. RoseMarie had taken a picture of this yew tree and had it framed and from the moment I saw it in her home I was fascinated by it’s form and energy. So after Stoke Gabriel yews, I was full of expectation and doing my best to let go of expectation! After walking and enjoying the gardens in general, and unwinding and relaxing, we felt it was our time to visit the yew. The tree is situated in the graveyard there and easily accessible. [Many of our oldest yews are situated in churches and graveyards because the use of yew wood for longbows yewsed up the vast majority of trees leaving the ones in ‘sacred’ places untouched. This one is said to be at least 1500 years old ]
Placing my hands on the yew’s trunk I tuned in. Though I felt a connection, nothing happened as it did at Stoke Gabriel. No words or messages, and actually I was a tad disappointed. Realising that despite my best efforts I did in fact hold expectation. Doing my best to divest of the last of that, I shrugged my shoulders and simply focussed on the moment. There still wasn’t anything happening except a sense of peace perhaps and I decided to be content with the simple things of pleasure and of being in this amazing place with amazing beings. We’d been out walking the gardens for a couple of hours and were feeling the call of the café. It was a beautiful day so we sat outside with our drinks and chocolate brownies (funny how there are some things you remember easily). Some minutes later I heard what sounded like thunder and then came loud thunder with lightning. I can’t say how but I know this was connected with our yew visit. We rushed back to the car anticipating rain which never came. We were headed for Totnes intent on continuing our plan for the afternoon. RoseMarie is extremely sensitive and was obviously picking something up from me and asked if I was okay. I was, and wasn’t. I was feeling very spaced out and in a kind of trance and feeling very tired and unable to function normally. It was hard to speak and was also feeling tired but didn’t want to mess up the plans. RoseMarie however realised something major was going on and told me she was taking me straight home and I was glad of that as the state only deepened. I just wanted to go to bed and sleep for a few hours.
Exhausted by the time we got back I crawled off into bed thinking I’d crash out in moments. Didn’t happen. Instead I went into an intense and extended ‘mystical revelation’ session. Laying on the bed I slipped more deeply into an expanded, almost thin, trance like state. I couldn’t say if I was being guided or whether things just became revealed; it was like a doorway had opened or the veil had been drawn aside for I was accessing information and seeing things from a different perspective, and just about everything I saw was inverted or opposite how we have believe/see it generally.
What I saw was that I/We as Spirit/Consciousness was in fact the one/s orchestrating reality. In particular, I saw how in the case of the paedophile investigation, I We (it’s both I and We) are orchestrating the revelations, bringing the information out, revealing the truth and our everyday selves are assimilating this truth. To be more accurate, as in the Stoke Gabriel vision, I understood things in terms of resonance, rather than cause and effect. Spirit in the form of many, is/are the one/s ‘in authority’. All the time, my everyday personality self experiences an outside authority of the police, the government, medical system, tax, border control and customs, school teachers, etc. and I think they have power to control, to decide, to lead. They don’t.
They do not lead or control events even though in their conscious experience they seem to. That’s all an illusion. Truth, as I saw it, is that I We are behind the scene (seen) orchestrating events. We are the ones in charge of how much is revealed and when. (Again, I saw this working through the law of ‘resonance’ rather than cause and effect). We are not at the mercy of authority. They are not in charge or leading these investigations, we are. There is a ‘false’ part of us, our persona, that we live life through, the truth is that there is another part of us far greater in power that is the ‘natural authority’. I couldn’t see that a hierarchal system exists , just an illusion of one. I saw ‘us’, as Spirit, with no conception of anything possible other than harmonious cooperation – though even those words are insufficient to describe the effortless doings/dance of Spirit. There are weavers who change the fabric of reality and I am one of those who is at present learning how to merge this function consciously with my persona. That’s about learning how to be my multidimensional self, whilst still function as ‘me’. Many, many of us are now going through this experience as awakening occurs, as more is revealed, as revelations happen, and our persona must learn to integrate these new things. It cannot happen all at once though as the vessel of the body persona is not resonant with the whole of the truth. Again, though it’s not about cause and effect, I am unable to describe in totality how I saw things without using cause and effect as I am still living partly in that construct.
The Yews continued to unveil information and it came thick and fast! There were so many things to look at that I knew I would only see a small portion. I moved away from that particular police investigation and started looking at how religious and esoteric symbols are corrupted: they are changed just a teeny bit and so continue to resonate with a lot of people, yet they are corrupted and the use of them disrupts and steals energy, which is syphoned into things most people would be horrified to think they are connected to. [It is up to each of us to become ever more discerning about how our energy is used – that’s where the gift of sensitivity comes into play.] There was so much information to see that most of it got filed away and hasn’t as yet been re-vised or re-visited. Also, it must be said that all of us are learning. Do not despair about this stuff as we as Spirit have it covered, and yet, we as people are able to be more than we currently are, and unveiling this ‘dark stuff’ is part of that process.
“When information that has been hidden from us is revealed we see more than just the information presented. For whatever is hidden contains within it the seeds of why it was hidden.” – Adam Elbass
Our interface with the world as we know it is our persona, and this persona is learning all the time. My persona (the me I think of as I) is learning all the time, and it is gradually seeing how things really work. Currently I am between two paradigms of understanding/interpreting life, partly I’m seeing and experiencing through cause and effect dynamics, and partly I’m experiencing events and things through the law of resonance. Put very simply, the law of resonance does not look at an effect being caused, it sees that all is there all of the time, only that some things are visible and available, some not. So through the law or resonance for instance, there is no mystery about which came first, the chicken or the egg, as both are the same thing, there is no separation, only the appearance of separation. [Like heads and tails of a coin.] The law of resonance does not have time nor space, only the appearance of them which separate things into ‘events’ in a timeline. So in the case of what the yews were showing me, was that nothing can be hidden or buried in truth, only the appearance of that, and things do not disappear, nor are they lost, they simply are not in our focus at a particular moment. That they are not available to us in one moment does not mean they are not available to us in another moment. Think of it like decoding information. It depends on the decoder as to what information you get. An example of that is re-reading a book some time later and getting new insights and understandings because you have a new perspective, a wider bandwidth is available to you. Another example is in translation from one language to another. It is easy for things to get lost or completely confused in translation, yet learning the language more thoroughly can give us a completely different translation, and experience.
The truth is that nothing may be separated from us, so if it’s of us, of me, of you, then it will be ‘returned’ (it will be experienced as a return, even though it was there all the time). I’m talking about karma here too of course. Those parts which we were unable to bear as us – what happens to them? Well, they appear to split off from us – banished as it were to another realm, perhaps the realm under ground. Because we send them away they take on a life of their own, and because they are us, they must ‘return’ to us one day. So karma is really just the understanding of cause and effect, and in the understanding, it is dissolved as the gap between cause and effect gets smaller, and understanding happens, and we see the dynamic and we close the gap! Well, that’s a very stripped down version of my understanding of karma and whilst I could write loads more on it it’s not going to be in this particular blog.
Getting back to the Yews, they are part of the collective consciousness, and a conduit to access the library of humanity, also know as the Akashic records. They can help us upgrade, unlock, clear DNA and ancestral patterns. It’s really about revealing what is the truth rather than changing anything. Rather like that scene in Lord of the Rings when the King of Rohan is possessed by Saruman, and when that is challenged by Gandalf, the untruth has to crumble away as it is not in resonance with the truth of who the man really is, which is sovereign. That analogy applies to each and every one of us. We must all go through that process. DNA, which is like a living library or our experiences, is not who we are, yet it is from this that our reality is created. When DNA clears and reveals, a new projected reality is created. The DNA is like a double helix spiral in our spine, one going up, one coming down, in a holographic form. Our spine may be called ‘The Codex of Illumination’. More DNA is being revealed in humanity now. DNA is a transmitter-receiver and can be reprogrammed.
It is fascinating to look at the relationship of similarities between trees, humans and books and how it all links into our history (his story, all stories): Some things to get you started: Family tree, branch of the family, our roots, biology of humans and trees is very similar, spine/trunk/spine of book, books made of paper from trees, so much information in books on ancestral history, inheritance, ownership of identity of one’s child, records of good and bad deeds, family relationships, statistics – these are all connected with trees and humans and just why this is is revealed piece by piece like a magical mystery tour. Oh, and let’s not forget about the The tree of the knowledge of good and evil for that is perhaps the key of the mystery of duality otherwise know as ‘The Fall’. Also the Celtic Ogham lliterally uses trees to describe life. There is a huge amount of information on Yews on the internet which gives the reader some idea of their role, yet in another way, barely touches upon the surface of these vast cosmic questions.
“The human quest for meaning in life, the ‘eternal questions’: Where do we come from? Where are we going? What will happen after death? Around the world we find the yew tree time and again associated with this part of human life, namely philosophy, religion, birth and burial rites. In many ancient cultures the yew was more than other trees part of a holistic, all-encompassing approach to life and death.” – Fred Hageneder
Following this exposé experience I did my usual mad internet surfing and researching work – I looked up all the so called sacred symbols and saw how they’d been distorted (apologies but I really don’t want to go into this in detail, mainly because it is not helpful to anyone to be shown stuff, it can interfere with one’s own path, but I feel it’s okay to mention it as each may ask their own inner teacher and do their own research.) I didn’t research Yews though till I got home to West Cork. Then I found an incredible amount of information that totally fitted with my experience with the yews. I’d forgotten just how connected the mythology and sacred symbology of yew was with my experience. Just Google search ‘yew tree symbology’ and you will find a huge amount of information which you will see is very intimately aligned with my experiences. I continued searching, looking for something else, yet not knowing what. Then even my mind was blown by finding that the police called the paedophile investigation Operation Yew Tree. That was staggering. After that discovery I took some time to let it settle, then things turned very challenging at home as my partner announced he was leaving and that all took centre stage. Looking back, I can see how one thing lead to another, and a period of some time followed where I experienced much descent into darkness akin to mythological stories. Really, the Yews connection is not easy…Love will destroy all that is not Love and that is that. That particular yew tree ‘episode’ is only one chapter over a lifetime of chapters that reveal my own story, my own living myth. Even though yews were not centre stage, they continued to work away in the back ground of my awareness, and I am only just beginning to piece together just how they are so intimately connected with our own collective and individual history and stories.
More is revealed the more you look, where your attention goes, things are revealed, whatever you are fascinated with persists. Observe, witness, perceive. Dig into things yourself if you wish to know more. Trees in general I believe hold the key to how we find our place here on planet earth, and by extension, in the greater cosmic order. Connecting to trees, and to nature will help us to find our place in the world, it helps us to get in touch with our roots, and not just our family tree roots, but our cosmic roots. We will move from being like an earth orphan to earth child who feels totally at home, welcome and a part of all life here, nourished and nurtured and given physical life, to be here now. This is moving away from hierarchical thinking of survival of the fittest and fighting another for limited resources, this constant struggle for existence and belief we have to pay our way, to earn the right to exist. All of that is disappearing if we allow it to.The opportunity then is to open to seeing that we can shift from separation consciousness to unity understanding, so as a collective we feel connected, and in touch with each other, the whole, (holistic) and move away from competition with each other, as we wake up to realise (real-eyes) that we are in fact all individuations of the same source. This is how trees can help as they are holding that consciousness already; they understand the difference between hierarchical mentality and functional order. This does not mean imposing ideas of what we think works though, and we must keep an open mind and heart to be available to constant upgrades. Never before has it been so clear to me that I cannot hang my hat on what I think I know, because it becomes obsolete so quickly. Trees are part of the collective and hold a key to our new awareness, as we hold a key to theirs. Exactly what that is will be revealed to those who ask!
In conclusion for this part of the post,it is a co-inside-dance how the timing of this blog coincides with me attending the awesome Yew Tree Mysteries with Michael Dunning this past weekend in Ormiston. Finding Michael’s work has confirmed so much of my own revelations and introduced astounding new information too.
My Yew magical mystery tour continues as I type today and much is unfolding, so there will be more writing to come on this topic as I explore and learn more about our DNA and reprogramming it, healing the ancestral lineage, how we can work with sexuality and healing that, and I suspect also I will discover more about touch, which has formed such a large part of my learning and love of tantra massage and sacred sexuality work in the past.
I am blessed and deeply appreciative to have two very dear companions/collaborators to explore and adventure with – C and P, from the depths of my heart, thank you. I am excited to see what our new adventures will bring.
“Three lifetimes of the yew for the world from its beginning to its end.” ~ The Book of Lismore ~
“In early times, the darkly glorious yew-tree was probably the only evergreen tree in Britain. Both Druids with their belief in reincarnation, and later Christians with their teaching of the resurrection, regarded it as a natural emblem of everlasting life. Its capacity for great age enriched its symbolic value. The early Irish regarded it as one of the most ancient beings on earth. Yew is the last on a list of oldest things in a passage from the fourteenth century Book of Lismore: ‘Three lifetimes of the yew for the world from its beginning to its end.’ http://www.druidry.org/library/trees/tree-lore-yew
“Yew is often named among the most ancient trees in the world and, according to some sources, may as well be the oldest-living one. Understanding the Yew principle is crucial for understanding the Universe itself, for this wood holds a key to the mystery of Creation; thus, the importance of Yew cannot be underestimated. Not without reason Yew, not Ash, is sometimes thought to be the original ‘World-tree’ of Scandinavian mythology (though considering them ‘the same tree’ seems more appropriate). Despite the implied greatness, Yew symbolism is rather dark. This tree is known as the death tree almost in all European countries, and its connection with destructive workings is obvious. By the way, this danger is not purely ‘symbolical’; Yew is indeed very poisonous. It contains the dangerous alkaloid which can invoke hallucinations and even cause death. However, the ‘death’, personified by Yew, must be seen not as ‘elimination’, but rather as ‘transformation’, as gaining the new quality, or as a passage to another world. Due to that fact, Yew has a strong association with Life as well as with Death. The symbolical vitality of this tree is emphasized by some of its physical characteristics: the Yew tree’s branches grow into the ground; and when the central trunk dies, the tree lives on. This fact, probably, has lead to another aspect in the Yew archetype; namely, to its ‘preceding symbolism’, which means connection with past and especially with ancestry (most likely, with ‘ancestry through the blood’, as the Yew tree personifies the material aspect of Being).
Using Yew in magical and spiritual rituals is questionable. It is very powerful tree with deep, complicated symbolism; and as such has a wide range of possible uses, especially in all workings dealing with the essential transformation. In addition to that, it can induce visions, protect from aggression, enhance magical and psychic abilities, etc. However, in most cases Yew is not recommended for magical tools. The main cause for this restriction lays not in the connection with dark works, as one can easily (and mistakenly) assume. The point is that the Yew energies are not fully manageable. They are shapeless, non-consistent, and almost ‘chaotic’. The majority of people even aren’t able to understand their true nature. As a result, the effect of using them can be unpredictable and often disastrous.
Anyway, it is important to remember: Yew, as the tree of Creation, symbolizes not Death, but Love (no matter how strange and illogical it may seem).
Keywords: Essential transformation, striving for life, rebirth, mystery of life, ancestry through the blood, connection with the past, darkness, chaos, power, poisonous aggression, pain, suffering, illusion, death, destruction. The main principle of created Universe and Love as the main cause of Creation. http://www.unfading.net/yew.html
Lynn’s commentary and footnotes:
1 – There is no limit in time in such experiences as they are holistic or multi-dimensional, non linear. I find it extremely challenging writing or talking about a multi-dimensional experience – it’s impossible to use linear language to express the multi-dimensional, one of the issues I find is that I cannot keep a linear storyline going – that just doesn’t work anymore. I can’t describe or report things in terms of cause and effect and this frustrates me somewhat!
2 – I was living in West Cork and driving up to Dublin when I first heard about the mass gave at Tuam. I hardly listen to the news, nor the radio when driving but this day I was. As I caught the thread of the story, I couldn’t stop listening – I had to continue despite the deepest horror and grief surfacing from deep within me. I couldn’t explain why I felt such a huge emotional charge – I’d struggled before with the subject and could hardly watch the Magdalene Sisters for instance, yet what I was experiencing now was far beyond that. I listened to all the radio reports and talks for about 3 hours, till I got to my friend’s home in Bray. Later on that evening as I shared about it with her, we both had that ‘larger than life’ feeling , like a watershed moment or an awakening/remembering of sorts. Looking back now, some 3 years later, it is clear that an initiation happened, both personally for us two, and collectively in society. At the time, it is easy to think that these larger than life experiences mean things will change overnight; one is filled with a sense of freedom and unstoppable power. In retrospect, it is seen that these initiations are simply part of the whole cycle and time is required in order to integrate experience. For example, many, many people are desperate and frustrated because full disclosure is not happening, or that the authorities refuse to carry out adequate investigations, or that the general population are not caring, or waking up to the truth. They believe that a full expose is needed immediately and they are in despair that these things continue to happen. Much anger is felt, and impotence along with the frustration. I get this, totally get this. Yet what I also see is that we only expose ourselves to that which we are ready to receive. Shifts happen and integration is required. It is just not obvious that we are integrating: it looks like we don’t care.
Caring about others takes second place to personal survival, and we are talking about personal survival running the show albeit unknown to the conscious mind. There is much collective and personal fear on these issues – it is not so simple to just expose the truth as we might think we know it for there is nothing less than the truth of our very existence as humans being tied up in all of these hidden stories. Revealing the truth of what humanity really is not just a change of game for society – it’s actually a totally new way of being human. Sounds incredible and very desirable of course, yet the process of evolving is unknown, and fearful to the established order within and outside. Even what appears to be an obvious issue to expose without hesitation is bound very tightly by the threads of fear. Most people struggle even to comprehend the atrocities and quite frankly just don’t even get as far as looking at their own reactions. Some of my Irish female friends have been extremely distressed when I’ve shared even a little on the topic of mother and baby homes in Ireland. I’ve seen high levels of fear and avoidance happen and one or two ‘confessed’ they are completely unable to ‘go there’ – these are not women who have been directly affected by being personally involved. Yet obviously they are being affected and personally involved to one extent or another because we are part of the collective. This is just one example of the stuff that is buried in us that we don’t even know how personally we are affected until something disturbs it. There is very little support for, or awareness of how the collective is affected by the revelations of horrific things happening in the world. It’s no wonder that people are so tempted to become numbed/dumbed down, though there are things that are helping such as organised grieving days, death cafes, remembrance and honouring events etc.
For me personally, I go through cycles of what appears to be awakening and then going back to sleep… every once in awhile it’s very active inside and then goes dormant again. That may or may not coincide with something public happening such as a news story or film, book etc. I’m not an activist and often have experienced conflicting emotions and thoughts regarding my role, what to do or not to do. Though I can read or watch things now that leave me feeling uncomfortable, it’s taken me many years of practise to get to this point where I can read or watch something and stay in the discomfort. When I first started to read about the hidden horrors of paedophilia for instance, I was so horrified and shocked to my core that I wasn’t able to face it and reacted with denial in one way or another. It’s taken me a long time to start to write about this stuff so I can see why the human collective has not yet been able to face these atrocities. At this point, I would like to say that this blog is not an attempt to solve the problems of society nor to pass judgement and I am not offering any solutions here, I am sharing my experiences. In fact, one of the things that has kept me from sharing on some of these deeper and complex issues is I may feel a sense of guilt, hopelessness, anxiety or frustration at not presenting a happy ending in the form of a solution or a neat package of full understanding. And in this case, I am talking about human consciousness, our existence, and our potential, so there is no neatly packaged presentation that I can offer in the form of a beginning, middle and end of story.
Some years ago I was interacting with an archangel called Ariel. These interactions took the form of both channelled sessions and more intimate personal interaction through the mind/heart. In the channelled sessions I got to exchange verbal communication which was wonderful, and dialoguing with an 11th dimensional entity was tremendously exciting to me, especially as I’d been fascinated with angelic consciousness for some years. Ariel was a fabulous teacher and a wonderful friend – I was profoundly moved each time we connected through the channel, who was Isaac George, my partner at the time. Thanks to Isaac and Ariel, I got to explore many metaphysical topics and matters of conscious evolution as well as very personal issues and healing too.
There was one session which included a conversation about the nature of consciousness, which was a common topic of ours. When talking of consciousness, what needs to be understood is that perspective changes everything and the nature of consciousness depends entirely on individual perspective and as such is not a static understanding, but a fluid, ever changing knowing, of understanding, and lack of understanding. However, that does not distract from the power of the moment in which I saw clearly for the first time how consciousness acts upon itself to ‘reunite’ itself.
As Ariel talked, I listened with my whole body, allowing the body and mind to soften, relax and open and did not attempt to interpret or analyse what I was hearing. (This is a method I recommend and continue to employ and share today.) What I saw was that consciousness is all that there is. There is consciousness that knows this, and there is consciousness that doesn’t remember this (yet). That which knows acts upon that which does not know. Or it could also be said that as we remember and align with ourselves, everything re-constitutes itself to reflect/show that. Ariel explained “When you embody the Source consciousness with your particular faculties, you are in a position to demonstrate it. And when you are in a position to demonstrate it and you do that, everything around you re-constellates without you even thinking of doing that.” This is consciousness acting upon itself.
I saw completely without doubt or any possibility of failure, that consciousness will succeed in having its way, because there is nothing other than consciousness, and in truth there is no ‘way’ as such. There is no stopping consciousness. Indeed, even to use the word ‘stop’ infers it is possible to stop, and this is simply not the case. One might say consciousness is like the most virulent, unstoppable virus affecting everything in its path, with nothing escaping; but this still does not fully describe the truth, power and ‘isness’ of consciousness.’ It is all there is. There is no success or failure possible, everything just ‘is’.
This was a tremendously exciting vision of the nature of consciousness and it gave me incredible hope and trust in the world we live in. I came into the peace of knowing that there is really nothing that needs to be done. I knew it was simply a matter of time till consciousness ‘healed’ itself and that, whilst I may wish things to speed up and improve, I had to let all ideas of timing go. It was a process already under way and I was but a part of a great ocean and yet that ocean would not be the same without me. Session over, but still contemplating this revelation, I wandered out into the back garden and just stood in the beautiful evening sunshine in the midst of nature, in the quiet of the countryside near to Loch Lomond. A thought crossed my mind that as I must be patient, it was indeed the most idyllic location to be patient in and my heart opened more with the gratitude of being here, immersed in nature, and through that, connected with the world as a whole. I saw myself in future moments, coming out here again and again, standing in this beautiful place and just feeling the world soul, nature and the humans within it. In such timeless moments we become aware of the eternal nature of who we really are.
As I breathed and meditated with this, my mind opened to a question, “I wonder what how this transformation of consciousness will actually look like as it happens. How will things change?”
An image arose in my mind of women going out into their back yards, gardens, to small concrete or paved areas, out onto the back street, on the beach, in the woods, somewhere, anywhere, but standing out there and sounding their voice without inhibition. I saw ordinary women from all over the world doing this. Some were screaming, some howling, others crying, or shouting, or yelling, some were doing all of the above. Some of these women were shouting because they were happy, some were very sad and full of grief, others so angry and as mad as hell. There were anxious, fearful women and those who were joyful and ecstatic. There were those who were quietly, desperately depressed and hopeless. Many women were lonely and isolated. All ordinary, no matter who or what they were, and their ordinariness was remarkable; it did not matter who the woman was, or what she had or hadn’t done in the world, her voice was her voice, unique and welcome on Earth. They were just doing what all women may do naturally when not concerned with how it looks or whether they’ll be called unreasonable, hysterical or emotional – they were just being themselves. They were women who on one level or another, were awakening to the truth of their feelings; they were not thinking about their feelings, they were expressing them, in the moment.
What struck me as most remarkable was that each woman was simply just doing ‘her thing’ with no preconceived idea of whether it would change anything or indeed matter in any way at all. I saw thousands of women around the globe doing this, yet I saw no plan or coordinated event, no direction, no aim; in fact, nothing but the wild cry of woman. Every woman is whole and autonomous; a universe in herself, diverse, unique and at the same time part of a collective. I understood that the collective does not come first; the individual experience must come first, and from there a collective forms itself, naturally. We’ve had the collective ideal, ‘for the greatest good of all’ and it doesn’t work. Whilst there is a common situation, we cannot rely on current ideologies to ‘fix’ things because that is exactly what happens – they get ‘fixed’ in place and are unmovable, dead, devoid of life. Unity cannot be imposed upon self by some higher grand idealism – it must come as a side-effect of coming into wholeness on an individual basis. Truly there is no greater good for the whole if it compromises an individual’s sovereignty.
In this vison of transformation, individuation is where the power is, not on any belief of solidarity. That does not render solidarity as undesirable. All it means is that for there to be the realisation of full potential for humanity, sovereignty or autonomous self, oneself must come first and foremost. Why? Because the very act of each being themselves creates a whole, a harmony that is wild and free, not forced or contrived, borne of effort and trying to change something; neither was it derived from thoughts that ‘we should’ or ‘it ought to be this way or that’.
This is why the uncoordinated, unplanned, unrehearsed, combined voices of women, long unsung and longing to be heard, do in fact matter, and matter quite literally. For what I saw was these unrehearsed, spontaneous cries joined together through sympathetic vibrations, growing through resonances into powerful waves of sound that quite literally break up matter. They were turning into dust all that is not in harmony with nature; it reminded me of the old biblical story of the Walls of Jericho. I saw the old world quickly crumbling away and new harmonious buildings and infrastructure taking the place of that which is out of harmony. It happened very rapidly in my vision, like a movie on fast forward. I realised it would not really happen like that; it would more likely be a very gradual process and the power of the resonant waves of women would change the world.
It was staggering to see how potentially powerful our own sound is and that each one’s voice affects the whole. When we are spontaneous, free and unrehearsed, we are in the moment and there is no separation of self from experience. It is so powerful that, even without trying to change anything, everything will change, as we simply do what we’ve held back for centuries, let free our cry of the wild.
A final thought entered my mind: That which has been made, may be unmade.
With thanks to Peter, a retired physicist friend of mine who helps me make sense of these experiences and put them into understandable concepts. Edited by Andrew Jurascheck
“Everything is determined, the beginning as well as the end, by forces over which we have no control. It is determined for the insect as well as for the star. Human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper.” ~ Albert Einstein
One day about 10 years ago, I was driving along in my car and an old familiar song came on the radio. It took me back years and in an instant I was once again 17 years of age.
I began to feel immersed in the reminiscing. You know that energy? A sweet sorrow – bitter/sweet… a very poignant feeling of wistfully wishing I was there again because it was so much better back then than it was now… ahh…yes how wonderful it all was then…
Or was it?
Was it really better back then than it was right now?
Because right now was pretty superb actually – I was just in the beginning of a fabulous new relationship, new house, and supremely happy, more so than any other time in my life.
Yet here I was wishing I was in another time and space, convinced by this reminiscing energy that I was better off then. So I asked myself in a no-nonsense way and realised that of course it wasn’t better then! It is just some misperception that makes the past seem better or preferable to the present. In fact I reckoned that in another few years I’d be doing exactly the same thing about this time in my life!
Such mind games!
Perhaps it is unreal yet it is also so believable and real in the moment it is happening. If we just take it a face value and not question, then we simply continue believing it. It stays real for us. So although the experience of reminiscing is not altogether unpleasant it does have a rather melancholy aspect to it and a strange addictive self-indulgent tendency most definitely leaning towards maudlin. Hmmm… I got more curious about the power of this energy and wondered how it worked. In fact, the speed at which my state of mind had changed once the song came on was remarkable and I began to question the reality of this experience we call reminiscing.
So I allowed myself to go back into the reminiscing feeling and very quickly I was feeling less content once more. Having done a fair bit of de-programming of cultural and societal beliefs already, I was equipped to deal with it. I questioned this energy outright: Is this Love? I asked myself. “NO” was the answer. “Well if it’s not Love, it’s not Real and I don’t need to believe it any longer. I let it go now”.
And, it left. Immediately and completely. 100% shift in experience – instantly I felt so much clearer with no energy of reminiscing to be found despite that the song was still playing.
I was left in no doubt that this experience we have of reminiscing is not helpful and is not the truth of who we are. It’s just another way to continue circulating discontent in our life.
This was a simple thing for me to do as I was well used to de-programming and was able to notice the shift in experience very quickly. The whole experience lasted less than the 31/2 minutes the song played. The key here is being aware of what is happening in one’s own experience and being in choice, not being in ignorance of what is going on and blindly accepting it.
Get in touch if you’d like to work personally with me on building up your tool kit to deal with this sort of stuff in the moment.
This is a realisation, and it’s a conversation I had with myself on 15 August 2015. I’ve written it exactly as I experienced it and have ignored the impulse to make changes to make it make more ‘sense’. It is as I heard and experienced it and in the moment it made perfect sense. Although I’ve used the term ‘you’ it is not directed at YOU, but a conversation with myself. I added a bit of an explanation about the game being fun as I know my reaction can often be how is the game fun when there is so much suffering. Lynn
MIND THE GAP!
We are wave and particle ~ blinking in and out of existence, first one, then the other:
Blinking in and out of existence, forgetting I am one when I’m the other. One moment I am this, and then in the next, I am that. When I am this, I have forgotten I am that. When I am that, I have forgotten I am this. It is in the blink of the I (Aye) that forgetting happens – the gap between this and that. The crack in the paving. Mind the gap.
Let me show you how to remember you are not one or the other; you are I and the other.
The journey into Solace (Soulace) begins by being willing to take the first step. There is really only ever one step. One step is all it ever takes. If you truly believe you have taken more than one step, then there is something you have missed; you’ve either left it behind or sent it ahead of yourself, or shunted it to the side. You’ve fallen out of step. There is only one step – it is whole and complete in itself.
What happens when one is fully cognitive of and in each moment? Well, then there is truly only one moment, over and over again. Peace in fact. When one is not fully cognitive in the moment, the moment is fragmented, and one is in pieces, to the exact degree of not being fully cognitive. The moment when you cannot be fully cognitive is going to have to be experienced ‘again’.
Existence and non-existence is simply about where we place focus. If we are able to focus on both this and that in the same moment, on both wave and particle, then the game of duality is up.
But it is such a delicious game! What fun! First I’m this, then I’m that! How could this not be fun? Have I forgotten how to have fun? Why am I trying to be one thing or the other? Be both. Be the cake, AND eat it too.*
Language is both the separator and that which it is separated from.
You are I, 1, and the other.
*In this world of great pain and suffering, which as an empathic person I feel very deeply, I was made very aware that having a sense of fun, taking oneself lightly and laughing often is indeed a great antidote to the terrible seriousness and suffering of the world. It is not to be dismissed as either thoughtless, harsh, unkind nor flippant. The forgetting of fun is indeed part of the root cause of the suffering. Fun and kindness go hand in hand. People who laugh have open hearts, especially those who are able to laugh for no reason at all. Laughter builds bridges between one heart and another. The message that was imparted to me left me in no doubt that the simple truth is that fun and laughter, a childlike innocence, is the key to self-realization and a joyful and very engaging life experience. It what we were created for.
He, who had done more than any human being to draw her out of the caves of her secret, folded life, now threw her down into deeper recesses of fear and doubt. The fall was greater than she had ever known, because she had ventured so far into emotion with him and had abandoned herself to it.―Anaïs Nin
It was one thing to be attacked by someone you hated, but this was something else. This was the kind of hurt that could only be inflicted by someone you loved, who you thought loved you. It was sort of like being stabbed from the inside out. —Ethan Wate, “Beautiful Darkness”
The highest, most decisive experience is to be alone with one’s own self. You must be alone to find out what supports you, when you find that you can not support yourself. Only this experience can give you an indestructible foundation. —C.G. Jung
A Dark Night is . . . a mental and emotional state of despair that arises when something is so painful that it blots out all other considerations and makes carrying on as usual out of the question. —Susan Piver
I wrote this short poem last year, at one of the peaks of despair after my relationship broke up. It yielded a massive break-through…though I had to go into the pain fully to experience it before it broke on the shores of truth.
The cry of darkness, the call of the wild, burning from my heart into yours. Shadows; dancing and chasing themselves into endless knots of stupidity in my mind. How can it be that I do not know?
Chasms open up into pain engulfing my very consciousness reminding me of my mortality and screaming like a banshee in a high wind I cry NO! there is no me that is threatened here.
The time has come for me to move away from this beautiful sanctuary of Courtmacsherry in West Cork. It’s gifted so much to me and taken so much from me. It has held me through a deep transition and becoming. On 13th April, exactly one month after I had a major revealation on my birthday which showed me how I must first choose myself and then all other choices/decisions/thinking becomes obsolete, I had another vision and saw my next steps. My heart called me to write; to move to Co Clare or Galway for 3-4 months and empty myself of the past 15 years of life and learning. In that moment I knew I wanted to give up tantra, sacred sexuality work, ‘healing’ work, sessions, groups, retreats …all of it.
I saw how easily I could give up the house here, and my stuff, and move away. I saw how my reasons for staying here were nothing but excuses justifying staying put. In another reality, which I found myself in the very next day, things didn’t look quite so simple! But I knew I had to act as if I were still in that vision of freedom.
Over the past month the integration that has taken place through extreme intensity and the deepest fears. I’ve gained clarity through healing, self-care and the integration of those experiences and those since my relationship broke up back in July. It’s almost been a whole year since then, and when that year completes itself, I can feel now that I will be in a very different place, both physically and metaphorically.
I gained much clarity on the tantra and healing work and since I pulled out completely which included cancelling events and the women’s circles. It was very clear to me that any remaining ideas or concepts I had of healing or therapy were no longer appropriate or useable. Since giving it up I have seen where and how I was embroiled, and saw through my own expectations and my need to give, and my need to take. Once I’d seen that I knew it was okay to work with a select number of clients providing It didn’t interfere with my writing and other priorities. Now I am working with a few clients with whom it’s possible to work with in a new and clearer way without expectations, obligations or other entanglements which inevitably crept into sessions in the past. It’s freer, easier, and more delightful ~ it’s an innocent pure expression of being. And of course, the ‘work’ has become more powerful simply because all the ‘trying’ has been lifted away – no more pressure to perform! (I’m walking my own talk – see my blog: http://www.onehearttantra.com/blog/are-all-those-ps-making-you-miserable)
I’ve had so much cool shit happen over the years, so many mystical and magical experiences, deep wisdom, revealations and insights, but also terror and at times misery, constant anxiety and fear of failure, heart ache and falling in love, finding myself in love too.
I’ve worked with pecu-liar self-proclaimed masters, worked with many awesome teachers and healers, met and said goodbye to so many soul-mates, friends and lovers and through it all have recognised the many and varying roles we play out for each other, over and over again – those which I experienced the deepest, most profound joy and love with were the same ones I experienced the deepest and more terrible grief and sadness with. It’s not personal; it’s simply the way of it until I learn to choose myself, for myself, in every moment, in every sense, in every way.
I’ve learned about energy management, how we give and take power from each other and why we do that. I’ve given away more power than water goes over Niagara Falls in a year. And taken just as much! I’m learning a new way of being, I’ve owned my longings and yearnings and stopped expecting someone else to make me unhappy. And I’ve stopped looking for them to make me happy too J. I’ve given up on my dreams of how my future should, or will be and come into a place of not knowing, again and again. I’ve been angry, mad, sad, bad, awful, controlling, manipulative, horrible, terrified, scared, afraid, courageous, brave, stupid, sensible, sensitive, generous, mean, medium, shamed, blamed and guilt-ridden. I’ve hated and mated, been high and low, hot and cold, black and white, here and there, back and forth and round and round. I’ve become aware of playing and being played, both victim and abuser equally, to exactly the same degree and intensity of each role. I’ve discovered how the mechanics of karma operate, seen the hidden power behind the sun and seen deeply into the addiction of doing and the diseases of society such as the Saviour-Martyr program and the false masculine and feminine archetypes.
I can’t wait till I have it ready to share with you! Except I have to cos it’s not written yet…
Actually I started this as a Facebook post as an infomercial to announce the sale of treasured items and ex-belongings – both as I could use some cash to fund my writing retreat, and also to give a little to help in Nepal. I’ll gift 25% of proceeds to an awesome local charity called “just-one” (see below for information on the organisation).
I’ve sacred geometry, costume and crystal jewellery, Buddhist statues of Tara’s and Ganesh, clothes, handbags, shoes, pictures, books, dvd’s, some household and other bits and pieces– all in good condition as I look after my stuff so well – so watch the Facebook space as it’ll be happening very soon both on location and on Facebook.
June Exchange Offer for Helping
It would be nice to have some help with packing and moving preparations. If you fancy a part holiday here from a few days to a week or longer in exchange for some time helping me pack etc. then I’d love to hear from you. Equally, I am open to exchanging teaching and tantra for your assistance. Whichever it is, I’m looking for someone who is grounded and responsible as I may be going away for a few days and will need the cats looked after. Having your own transport is necessary. Get in touch via email or FAcebook messaging as soon as possible if this interests you (onehearttantra(@)gmail.com).
Thank you for sharing, caring and helping in whatever roles you’ve played out with me over the months, years and lifetimes.
From their website: Just-one strives to actively promote and facilitate educational opportunities for disadvantaged and marginalized children in Nepal by working at a grass-roots level with the children, their families and their communities to implement a range of carefully developed, culturally sensitive, sustainable initiatives. – See more at: http://www.just-one.org/#sthash.BWBHZNKo.dpuf