Dear Reader, as this story directly continues from France-Initiation (Part I), may I suggest you start there before reading this as otherwise it won’t really make much sense.
At the end of the first part France–Initiation (Part I) I was telling you about the devastation I felt at the death of a story I’d been carrying for many years, upon which much of my sense of self was built. The death of an ‘inner story character’ is literally is like a death of a self, albeit a false self but that it is false is not known until the moment of the death-blow. That sort of experience is like the tarot card ‘The Tower’ and it was not without a sense of irony that I remembered the name ‘Magdalene’ has been translated to mean tower.
That Taj (Deborah) seemed fine, even excited, about my 180 degree turnabout was an exceedingly healing experience for me and taught me that there were some people who did indeed embrace the unexpected and change, and that here was a great friend indeed who appreciated me for who and what I was – and not for who and what I thought I was, or who I thought I should be.
This was a great antidote to the pattern of “I’ve made my bed and now I must lie in it”, which quite literally does of course mean lying to self, and others. This particular pattern I see in myself and other women, though there are men who carry it as well. I feel it is a (false/shadow) feminine pattern and it goes along with the fear that women/the feminine are/is always changing their/its minds, that they can’t be relied upon, they are emotional, are not dependable, unpredictable, uncontrollable, not understandable, not logical. In other words, not safe, dangerous! It’s quite easy to dismiss this one yet in my experience it shows up in people on a daily basis and mainly you can see this through its counterpart which is the rigid, fixed mentality of authority. (Interestingly enough, this same pattern was to rear its head in 2017 when I was planning the return to France.)
Deborah and I went ahead and recorded our free introductory teleseminar the next day. I’d love to tell you that it worked out even better than it would have done before I had my turnabout, but it did not. In fact I didn’t feel it went well at all. I felt challenged to find my voice and more so that I’d lost the thread of what I wanted to share, and also that I couldn’t properly articulate what I was going through. Taj however thought differently, she really enjoyed it and had no criticisms of my contribution. I’ve not been able to bear even the thought of listening to the video since then.* (for update – see end of blog)
Knowing our next one was due on February 22nd I decided to let things settle for a few days. But they didn’t and if anything, I felt even more strongly about things. The energy was gone for me and I couldn’t get it back. I went ahead and told Taj I couldn’t continue with the teleseminar series nor the week-long retreat we’d planned. I felt terrible about it all.
I Am a Radiant Heart. So full of Love and delight. Bask in the presence of the One and All shall find their true Love. Sweetness comes to all that seek to know the truth of being fully human. Both divine and human. Man in divine truth is a beautiful creation that know no limits to its love.
Existence stills the mind for all eternity, coming unto self in the night of passion of the only one. No one need be passed by for in choosing love over all else, the righteous nature of self exceeds all else. There is nothing to add to this.
Be unto the self as a mother is to her new-born child. In every moment cherish the child of God that you are. Never let a day go by without offering Love to yourself. As you do this act of Grace you and all others are filled with Grace herself.
When your brothers and sisters come to you seeking that which they sense you have, it is because you are already being it. Hold back nothing now because there is nothing that can be taken which is your truth. Do not limit the Grace of Spirit which desires to move through you. It will be a balm unto the many as they seek their own true nature.
Fear not the wolves in the hearts of men for they know not what they do and ignorance is not the match of a Spirit infused soul. Your truth cannot be taken from you; it may only be given away. Fear not evil for it is only seeking to know itself. Be a light in the darkness of despair.
I am your mother, your sister, your lover in alms. Thank you for your devotion, I am always with you for we are one.
Earlier this year I was surprised to feel the inner calling to return to the south of France. I’d thought I was finished with France. I was even more surprised to feel a connection again to Mary Magdalene as I was certain I’d left all that behind, never to be re-visited. Then the Cathars popped in too and all sorts of resonant information started collating itself in my close connections, social media, inboxes and other such places. As I said, I was very surprised to find this connection alive again because as far as I was concerned, I’d seen through all of the illusion and had no desire to get back involved with any of it again. I’d visited the area about 10 years previously and also in 2014 with a group. Though my time there in 2014 was incredibly awesome, there were other aspects that I’d come into realisation about afterwards that lead to me withdrawing energy from the stories and people of the area. I remember that even in 2014 I was surprised to hear from Magdalene again, as I hadn’t been feeling much of a connection for some years. Truly, it’s a living mystery how these things come about!
In late 2013, and early 2014, I’d had two ‘callings’ from Magdalene in connection with the south of France. As it turns out, so had my friend Deborah. She emailed me “Magdalene is calling me, fancy going to the south of France with me?” Deborah and I had re-connected in 2014 in Malta/Gozo after several years of little contact between us – but one thing is for certain with Deborah and me, every time we met it was extremely activating for us both.
“Magdalene’s been calling me too, so yes!” I somewhat bemusedly found myself saying. We decided to organise a retreat and blend that with private time. I felt like it must be in September. We called our retreat “Initiation” and all I can say is, it certainly was! One major factor in our retreat was to leave space for the Unknown (Divine Mother ) to come in – I was very sure of this aspect though Deborah less so, she was always happy to trust my intuitive hits. Here’s how we put it:
“Our theme for the weekend is “Initiation”. Our intention is to invite the serpent-light power of Kundalini to awaken. We will be the crucible for Gaia’s Fire and our instructor will be Gaia Herself. And this is the exploratory part… we don’t know precisely what She will bring forth!”
Little did we know what this was setting off for us, and that our individual and joint stories would weave unexpected and unknown paths. In fact, I wonder at my own inexperience looking back – boy have I had initiation after initiation since then! I have also discovered since that our story wove with that of the Cathars as well as that of Mary Magdalene. When we discovered that there was a Cathar cave experience that the Cathar Initiates took part in we decided we simply had to include the cave expedition which several retreat participants decided to join us in too. Because of the turns my life took that summer, I never did blog about the retreat, sites and caves we experienced so I’ll be including that later on, but for now I’m skipping ahead to the story of the 2015 retreat.
I’m doing some videos to introduce special energies and entities in and around Aberfoyle, Stirling, Scotland in connection with retreats and meditations I’m offering in my new work, NatureMyTemple. The first one is an introduction to a favourite nature tree character of mine in Aberfoyle, Stirling.
I’m organising a nature retreat in the Trossachs area in Scotland for Sept 29th – Oct 1st, 2017. For the past few days I’ve been immersed in writing and re-writing about it. It’s simple, yet it’s been a big deal for me to move into being okay with the simplicity of it. Workwise, I’ve gone through a huge transition since pulling back from the tantric work I was offering. This has not just been about trying to find the write words; it’s been about moving into a deeper part of myself, leaning into the Lynn-ness, integrating and embodying (interesting that the word ‘dying’ is within the word embodying) and becoming less of me in so many ways, and in the process, becoming more.
This is my first offering of this kind and it will launch a new endeavour I received a few months ago when meditating at Bracklin Falls in Callander. A new chapter of healing started after I returned from living in Ireland; a very deep process, and central to that was Nature and elemental beings. I started taking even more time in nature, alone, walking, sitting by waterfalls, communing with trees, taking in the beauty of nature, slowing down into stillness and allowing my mind and emotional space to be less complex, divesting myself of deeper and deeper layers of conditioning and fears. I felt called to do this, an essential thing my soul insisted upon. My experiences, and photographs, of nature changed, they became more alive, more multi-dimensional. I found a new term, multi-sensual, which describes perfectly the wholistic nature of life of experience and experiencer.
At Bracklinn Falls that day I received the first insights into a new endeavour, a body of work, part of which is offering retreats for groups of people and elementals to come together in magical, playful, creative collaboration with each other and the elemental beings. This information is part of the story of my whole life expression – I could say it’s the result of all the years of being interested in nature, metaphysics, mysticism, tantra etc etc, yet the truth is that I cannot separate things anymore into cause and effect, so I see the information that came through simply as another chapter in the story of my life expression.
Some years ago, I realised that we (elementals and humans) each hold the key to each other’s fulfilment of potential (growth) – this now became a reality for me. They are our missing piece as we are theirs. For us, they can help us in areas especially where we have most fear; death, sexuality, other realities/dimensions, duality, spirituality, self-sovereignty. And how we help them? Well, that an important thing and what we get to find out in due course will be enlightening. Their story is not separate from ours, just as on a coin, heads is not separate from tails.
Later on I received further information which expanded on the original vision and gave an overall plan for the ‘Body of Work’ which is to explore and develop an organic, multi-sensual, multi-dimensional connection and multi-media collaboration with Nature. In seeking a name, I later consulted my favourite Oak Tree (as you do) at the Doon Hill Fairy Walk in Aberfoyle. I was guided to another tree spirit who brought forward the name “Nature My Temple”.
It’s taken months to integrate these experiences and it’s been very challenging to write about it, and even more so to try to put into words the non-teaching, non-hierarchal nature of these interactions and in turn, the new retreats. How could I offer an event that wasn’t based on teaching or guidance or suggestive of some sort of shift in consciousness, some sort of ‘reward’ or some solution to a problem? How would that be appealing? I’ve been advised that people want to know what their investment will give them. Well, the truth is that I don’t know, and more so, that having an agenda cannot yield realisation. Over and over again I’ve caught myself trying to solve the problem of having an agenda on having no agenda. Lol. Thing is that any reason for doing something, adding any ‘because’ to anything will only push ‘First Cause’ away. Because, there is no ‘because’, there is only ’Be Cause’. (Lol. Did you see that? Using ‘because’ to talk about the untruth of the word?)
Sometimes, it is easier to say what somethign is not than to say what it is. I always found that to be the case when trying to describe what tantra is for instance. About this new work and the retreats/events, I can safely say that it is most definitely not about trying to fix, or solve a problem, or add to anything or anyone.
So, I have done my best to describe the event without adding agenda or raising expectations, though inevitably that will happen and divesting ourselves of such does take practise and persistence. I think though that the best way for me to say it is in the elementals own words:
“We come here and be. We open to stillness and spaciousness in space, thought and time. Join us here where realities intersect.”
Over many years now I’ve been having shamanic experiences in nature. It’s taken me to now to be ready to offer this as a Body of Work, Nature My Temple. I’ve written about some of my experiences over the years on this blog, and have added them to the NatureMyTemple category here in my blog so you can find them if you wish to know more about my nature orientated organic shamanic folding and unfolding journey.
Here are the details of the first event in the Trossachs, Sept 29th – Oct 1st. I’m calling it the first even as it was the first one to come to me, and even though I most likely will be going to The Cathar region in France and offering an event there in early September, this one still feels like it will be the first one. That’s the rather strange experience of living in a multi-dimensional reality. At least it is strange until I get used to it. The event is on Facebook and you may also contact me via email at NatureMyTemple@gmail.com.
Waterfalls and Tree Spirits
Sept 29th – Oct 1st, 2017, join Lynn for a retreat weekend that honours the sacredness of Nature and the sacredness of Self. In communion with Nature we may remember our own true nature, our own unique role, and how that contributes to the whole. This is a journey with many dimensions, many destinations and many diversions! The elemental beings are inviting us to ‘weave a living myth with nature’ – a creative collaboration with them and Mother Earth in conscious evolution.
In coming together in Nature we will weave this living story and our own myth will emerge from the symbols of individual experiences. For each person they will be both the whole story and part of the group story at the same time – as above, so below. Each may know themselves as a unique and essential part of the collective. The Elementals will help us to find and honour our own role and presence whilst at the same time, not putting any pressure of performance on ourselves.
“We come here and be. We open to stillness and spaciousness in space, thought and time. Join us here where realities intersect.”
The theme for this retreat is Waterfalls and Tree Spirits, and that in knowing ‘samenesses’ and ‘differences’ we may know, grow and appreciate more of life. The essence is yin; water, wood, inner space, emptiness, silence, stillness, spaciousness, softness, sharing. The intention is simplicity and that less is more. The outcome may be a gift for self, and/or something to share; a symbol, an insight, an image, a word, a story, a tale, a joke, a song, a movement, a drawing, a sign or silence. It is part of the vision that our sharing will be put online in a simple presentation format.* In this way, it will stay alive, weaving a living myth of our time together, and being the foundation of many to come, more multi-sensual retreats/presentations will join it and as each new person interacts with it, it will become more, as they will too. This is how Weaving a Living Myth works.
*Nature changes and adapts all of the time. It is not a given that sharings are put online, though it is part of the overall vision for NatureMyTemple to publish online. It’s my intention that each feels free to contribute without judgment or the need to validate one’s sharings, and the vision to share online forms a testimony to this. I will always seek agreement prior to publishing online. This could be anonymously if desired. Anything shared remains the property of the experiencer. My intention is to eventually use the ‘Prezi’ application, and I’d love to hear from anyone who has experience, or feels they can assist in working with this. This is a work in progress and will continue to develop in creative collaboration.
Consciousness doesn’t leave you when you die. Consciousness cannot die. The physical form may cease to be as it is, yet even that is consciousness in another form, and it may change its form so dying is simply a rearrangement of consciousness, form-in-motion. In-form-motion. It is forming and unforming in every moment. Living in the physical is a choice in every moment: An “informed” choice. That we don’t see or know it this way is simply down to our beliefs. The dead wood is made of the same stuff as that which lives on it: consciousness. Consciousness is energy that is aware of itself. So how could the wood be dead? Only if we are unable to see what it is will it look either dead or alive. It is been eaten now by a bug, digested in the stomach… at what point does it become the bug?
Looking through my journal for some notes, I came across this little piece I wrote a few months ago. It speaks of the experience of contraction after expansion. After the Ecstasy, the Laundry, as Jack Kornfield put it.
The dawn was grey and unpromising
Another one like so many before
Heavy was the first wave of weariness and with pain fast on its heels, it crashed once more onto my heart.
How much more I wondered.
How much more before I can take no more?
Following my plan for the morning, I went about my business not allowing complete despair to root in me again.
Reminding myself of that which I knew; it’s okay, just be with it, I sang to alieve the pain of dread. Could I ever hope that the shift would last?
Or am I doomed to be teased by Clearsight only to have it snatched away overnight?
Introduction: I started writing a note to my dear friend Tanya who I had thought to send a bottle of an elixir I made last year, and as I wrote I got more and more information coming through, more insights and understanding – ‘it’ didn’t want to stop so I let it continue and it turned itself into this blog. I’ve made the photos large so they can easily be seen and tuned into, if you should so wish.
New Growth – An elixir of Scots Pine Needles and Cone Harvested in May/June 2016 in Flagmount, Co Clare, Ireland
In Co Clare last year walking around the local woods, I was called by plant and tree devas and encouraged to make a couple of potions in which their essence and also extract would be encapsulated, one of which was the magnificent Scots Pine.
The Scots Pine has always been a favourite of mine and long have I been captured by its majesty and presence. As a very young child I have vivid memories of them as I was captivated by pine forests both in the UK and in Mediterranean countries such as Italy, Yugoslavia or Spain where we’d chance upon a mountain forest at the side of the road, or be camping in amongst pines near the sea side. It is such a conspicuous tree, so distinctive and unlike most others around it. It is equally at home in mostly deciduous woods or amongst other firs and larch. I have admired the beautiful red colour of the bark, the bonsai type of growth, and the roots, the scent, the needles and the cones all seek to enchant me! It feels a very noble presence to me and in more recent years I’ve become aware of its loving and compassionate presence too. It speaks to me softly, to my heart, and it assists in releasing grief gently – if our heart is pining, it will help. It has a soft and warm unconditional love for humanity and seeks to help us in loving more. Pine is the gift that keeps on giving. They are kind to everyone and everything.
Once in West Cork, when I was out for a walk and it started to rain heavily, I wanted to connect with my favourite Pine (a huge lone pine in a forest of deciduous trees) but didn’t want to stay out in the cold rain without a jacket, so instead I touched in with the tree briefly and said I would connect remotely later on in my meditation. When I tuned in later the tree spirit immediately came through to me and touched my heart with such compassion that I could not hold onto the grief I was holding any longer. I cried for some time in the gentle embrace of love and support. Pine reminded me that Scots Pines are happy in amongst their own kind and also as a lone tree in woods of different species.
Two years later walking the woods in Co Clare I was fascinated by the new growth on the many Scots Pines. They were mostly young trees and vigorous in their growth with a few older ones around too. I spent a long time photographing them from different angles and as is usual for me, became somewhat engrossed (obsessed is more like it…) with them as I repeated this over many times over about a 10 day period. I spent time with them, I developed an emotional and mental sense of what they were demonstrating and I also began to get a sense of feeling in my body of the new growth. It was their gestalt, their gesture I was sensing as I merged with them day after day. I collected pieces of them and made tea from it which is very delicious and doesn’t taste at all as I would’ve thought, not a distinct pine taste but very sweet and fresh. (High Vitamin C content too.) I made tea for any visitor who was open enough to try it and in this everyday ritual we shared our stories of experiences with trees. One day, walking into the woods, a breeze arrived and I saw a large cloud leave a tree right in front of me! – it was pine pollen … I was breathing it in and being covered by it. It felt sensual, almost sexual – which of course it is, plant style.
Over this period, immersing myself in their presence and connecting in these ways, I was invited to collect specific pieces including a cone from which to make an extraction in alcohol. I was somewhat surprised at the invitation as I’d never considered making an essence or an extract before then. The day I collected the pieces I was felt incredibly alive and joyful. As I skipped about collecting bits and pieces, I found myself sensing their ‘function’ and what they were intimating/teaching/demonstrating.
I was sensing the new growth, the reaching out from the extremities of itself. It’s also about letting go of limited beliefs of what we think we know about growth and growing. The new growth is actually our Avant Garde, the first part to touch new experience. It is not the mature, seasoned growth that reaches out but the new, tender, young and bright green plant that touches the outer limits first…stretching outwards to claim more space, taking up more room, interacting with whatever is the new with the new growth. Supporting new vigorous yet tender growth and new growth supported by maturity – connecting and bridging between young and old, past and future. This may require some re-thinking on our part as our tendency could be to protect our new, fresh growth. However, this is a different kind of growth, to say, birthing a new baby or project; this is the type of growth that asks us to get naked to others before we are ready to get naked to ourself.
Whilst of course all plants do this new growth thing, Pine says it is part of their function to demonstrate and teach this. What I mean by this is that they are that function, and as such not separate from that function in any other lifeform. A couple of weeks later on I was visiting Glen Lyon in Perthshire, Scotland and travelled all the way along to almost the end where some of the old Caledonian Forest (the only ‘native planting’ in the British Isles) may still be found. The Pines are different here, the area looked almost surreal, there is an old aliveness here that speaks a different language, that of our origins. I found some beautiful trees to commune with here, and there was also a new area of mixed pine and larch I looked onto whilst sharing a picnic. I felt an immense surge of light and energy from here. I knew the frequencies of these trees and experiences would go into the elixir too.
Journeying Full Circle
After 6 years in Ireland, I moved back to Scotland in September of last year (2016) and I know now that Pine was there in the journeys I’ve taken throughout this period and in particular, was there preseeding and/or superseeding some very challenging changes which lead to me leaving West Cork to move to East Clare, and then a year later leaving Clare to come back to Scotland. A few weeks ago I unpacked the elixirs I made in East Clare and knew it was now time to take the Pine essence. As I said previously Pine is the gift that keeps on giving, and I’ve received so much more information and insights since then.
In my various times of communing with and questioning Pine regarding current circumstances and concerns, I was in turn invited to question myself:
“What brought me to this place and what do I wish to let go of in order to continue anew and without hindrance of the past trauma?”
“Where am I not taking up my true, given place and space?”
“How can I be both male + female unto myself?”
“What will I be seeding as I drop my cones of consciousness into the fertile soil?”
The pine cones take two years to open and seed – that is not a rushed business at all, and very few of those tree’s seeds will actually survive to grown into mature trees. But have noticed how many pine trees there are? There are so many that collectively they are extremely successful in seeding the (K)new.
Did you wonder about that k in brackets there? It seems to be that it’s only when we fully open to the ‘new’ that we realise the ‘new’ is really only what we knew all along and had only forgotten. We are being asked to open into a whole new way of being; one of infinite becoming: total refreshment in the moment, constantly making ourselves anew, reconstituting and reconstallating ourselves without even thinking about it. In deed, we can even forget the ‘re’ as this is such a knew way of being that there is no more ‘re’ hashing, re-membering, re-acting, re-cycling, re-freshment and so on. Simply put, it is a new in every moment. A new now now. Or, now a new now. There’s some fun to be had in saying that allowed.
Skeletons in the Closet
Everyone has skeletons in the closet. They are those parts of our big, huge, immense self we have rejected. So it is necessary to remember that all healing is not actually healing: it is integration of that which we sent off into the closet labelled ‘not acceptable’ and then forgot about the closet. We did this for one reason or another (all reasons are valid) and all reasons are ultimately simply our unawareness that we are in resistance to the flow of life. In perfect timing, not of the personalities making, we get opportunity after opportunity to discover that closet, and if we are then able to, we will find that when we open that closet that those rejected skeletons are very ready to be fleshed out anew.
But first they will scare the shit out of you! It’s exactly like in those movies where the unaware and unsuspecting person opens that door and those scary skeletons fall out onto them, clawing at their face and getting bony fingers tangled in their hair! They get me. every. single. time. That’s me freaking and shrieking there! It’s all okay though! In that closet is our closest self.
More Cool Pine Stuff
Though Pine is traditionally associated with the Winter Solstice, I have found that its teachings are more aligned the Summer Solstice, coming to me in late Spring, May and moving into June as preparation for the Solstice.
In my emotions and body sense, I feel Pine helps with constrictions and tightness , grief, shame and guilt, fear of not being safe from persecution, helps us to move out into the world, how to be alone and with others, in Grace. Pine is helpful for those who are suffering from depression and despondency and can’t see a future for themselves. It’s helpful with lung issues and freeing up the rib cage to allow for expanded breath, assisting in making the rib cage more ‘springy’ and giving the diaphragm more space to move outwards rather than downwards, which gives the internal organs more space to be too.
This tree is a master of artful space management and journeying, both physically and metaphysically too of course, which is basically saying it’s a master of inter-dimension space – the space connection outer and inner dimensions, like a metaphysical intercoms device. As such it will be of great help in inter-dimension travel, time travel, dream-work, ancestral and shamanic work, astral projection, remote viewing, mediumship, divining, plant communication etc. Think in terms of bridges, any and all types of bridges and how and why bridges function, including quantum bridges, or worm holes, and paradoxically, think in terms of no bridges as Pine can help us take a quantum leap through the power of Faith. Because it functions as the journey and the path it can help us connect to our life’s work, our sole purpose or soul path.
Scots pine is unusual amongst conifers in having a number of different mature growth forms, ranging from tall and straight-trunked with few side branches, to broad, spreading trees with multiple trunks. Eleven different growth forms, or habit types, have been identified for Scots pine in Scotland – Treesforlife.org
Pine tells me that it can help us with our birth and death experiences, and can help us understand that these too are journeys from one state into another, as well as being endings and beginnings. It says that there is no ending without a beginning, and no beginning without an ending. In such evergreen wisdom we may soothe and calm that part of us that is terrified of dying. They (The Elementals) complete our picture (cycle) of what life really is, and in turn, we complete their picture … and that’s another interesting topic I’m going to explore some day.
No, not alone but with thoughts and feeling of loss, sadness and grief of that which has been lost, or not accomplished. Taking a breath, letting it go. Allowing the next breath to come to me; to welcome it, to receive it fully, without effort.
In a dream of fluid reality, my thoughts swim out to the sea, emptying the mind with each departing wave. Incoming, the waves gently arrive on the shore. As with the breath, there is always something coming and going…
Then, a new, old wave, intones in this rarely empty mind: ‘Oh broken spirits of yesteryear, come unto me and I shall make you whole again.’
Looking down, I noticed a small silver fish; it was swimming towards the sand rocks, determined and vigorous in its course.
“How shall I see thee?” I asked.
“You shall see me where and when thee needs to for it is thee that is the Source of all things – thou doesn’t knoweth this yet as Truth… until then you must look to find the infinite within the finite as that is where the mind blips out of existence and no-thing can hide the Truth of Love.”
A dog barked in the distance, a reminder to be doggedly determined. Not to give up but to continue as a barking dog does, not exactly knowing what is happening but following some inner prompt of a disturbance that needs attention. Attention, attention, the dog barks – pay attention!