Not Now

Looking through my journal for some notes, I came across this little piece I wrote a few months ago. It speaks of the experience of contraction after expansion. After the Ecstasy, the Laundry, as Jack Kornfield put it.

 

Not Now

The dawn was grey and unpromising

Another one like so many before

Heavy was the first wave of weariness and with pain fast on its heels, it crashed once more onto my heart.

How much more I wondered.

How much more before I can take no more?

 

Following my plan for the morning, I went about my business not allowing complete despair to root in me again.

Reminding myself of that which I knew; it’s okay, just be with it, I sang to alieve the pain of dread. Could I ever hope that the shift would last?

Or am I doomed to be teased by Clearsight only to have it snatched away overnight?

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Scots Pine – Master Shaman

Introduction:  I started writing a note to my dear friend Tanya who I had thought to send a bottle of an elixir I made last year, and as I wrote I got more and more information coming through, more insights and understanding – ‘it’ didn’t want to stop so I let it continue and it turned itself into this blog. I’ve made the photos large so they can easily be seen and tuned into, if you should so wish.

New Growth –  An elixir of Scots Pine Needles and Cone Harvested in May/June 2016 in Flagmount, Co Clare, Ireland

In Co Clare last year walking around the local woods, I was called by plant and tree devas and encouraged to make a couple of potions in which their essence and also extract would be encapsulated, one of which was the magnificent Scots Pine.

The Scots Pine has always been a favourite of mine and long have I been captured by its majesty and presence. As a very young child I have vivid memories of them as I was captivated by pine forests both in the UK and in Mediterranean countries such as Italy, Yugoslavia or Spain where we’d chance upon a mountain forest at the side of the road, or be camping in amongst pines near the sea side. It is such a conspicuous tree, so distinctive and unlike most others around it. It is equally at home in mostly deciduous woods or amongst other firs and larch.  I have admired the beautiful red colour of the bark, the bonsai type of growth, and the roots, the scent, the needles and the cones all seek to enchant me! It feels a very noble presence to me and in more recent years I’ve become aware of its loving and compassionate presence too.  It speaks to me softly, to my heart, and it assists in releasing grief gently – if our heart is pining, it will help.  It has a soft and warm unconditional love for humanity and seeks to help us in loving more.  Pine is the gift that keeps on giving. They are kind to everyone and everything.

New Territory

Once in West Cork, when I was out for a walk and it started to rain heavily, I wanted to connect with my favourite Pine (a huge lone pine in a forest of deciduous trees) but didn’t want to stay out in the cold rain without a jacket, so instead I touched in with the tree briefly and said I would connect remotely later on in my meditation.   When I tuned in later the tree spirit immediately came through to me and touched my heart with such compassion that I could not hold onto the grief I was holding any longer.  I cried for some time in the gentle embrace of love and support. Pine reminded me that Scots Pines are happy in amongst their own kind and also as a lone tree in woods of different species.

Two years later walking the woods in Co Clare I was fascinated by the new growth on the many Scots Pines. They were mostly young trees and vigorous in their growth with a few older ones around too.  I spent a long time photographing them from different angles and as is usual for me, became somewhat engrossed (obsessed is more like it…) with them as I repeated this over many times over about a 10 day period.  I spent time with them, I developed an emotional and mental sense of what they were demonstrating and I also began to get a sense of feeling in my body of the new growth.  It was their gestalt, their gesture I was sensing as I merged with them day after day. I collected pieces of them and made tea from it which is very delicious and doesn’t taste at all as I would’ve thought, not a distinct pine taste but very sweet and fresh. (High Vitamin C content too.)  I made tea for any visitor who was open enough to try it and in this everyday ritual we shared our stories of experiences with trees.  One day, walking into the woods, a breeze arrived and I saw a large cloud leave a tree right in front of me! – it was  pine pollen … I  was breathing it in and being covered by it. It felt sensual, almost sexual – which of course it is, plant style.

Look carefully and you will see the light dust of pollen on the needles and spider web.

New Frontiers

Over this period, immersing myself in their presence and connecting in these ways, I was invited to collect specific pieces including a cone from which to make an extraction in alcohol. I was somewhat surprised at the invitation as I’d never considered making an essence or an extract before then.  The day I collected the pieces I was felt incredibly alive and joyful.  As I skipped about collecting bits and pieces, I found myself sensing their ‘function’ and what they were intimating/teaching/demonstrating.

I was sensing the new growth, the reaching out from the extremities of itself.   It’s also about letting go of limited beliefs of what we think we know about growth and growing.  The new growth is actually our Avant Garde, the first part to touch new experience.    It is not the mature, seasoned growth that reaches out but the new, tender, young and bright green plant that touches the outer limits first…stretching outwards to claim more space, taking up more room, interacting with whatever is the new with the new growth.  Supporting new vigorous yet tender growth and new growth supported by maturity – connecting and bridging between young and old, past and future.  This may require some re-thinking on our part as our tendency could be to protect our new, fresh growth.  However, this is a different kind of growth, to say, birthing a new baby or project; this is the type of growth that asks us to get naked to others before we are ready to get naked to ourself. 

Flowers: scots pine is monoecious, meaning both male and female flowers grow on the same tree. Male flowers comprise clusters of yellow anthers at the base of shoots. Female flowers are small, red-purple and globular, and grow at the tips of new shoots. Fruits: after pollination by wind, the female flowers turn green and develop into cones. They mature the following season, so there are always cones of different ages on the one tree – Woodland Trust

Whilst of course all plants do this new growth thing, Pine says it is part of their function to demonstrate and teach this.  What I mean by this is that they are that function, and as such not separate from that function in any other lifeform.  A couple of weeks later on I was visiting Glen Lyon in Perthshire, Scotland and travelled all the way along to almost the end where some of the old Caledonian Forest (the only ‘native planting’ in the British Isles) may still be found.  The Pines are different here, the area looked almost surreal, there is an old aliveness here that speaks a different language, that of our origins.  I found some beautiful trees to commune with here, and there was also a new area of mixed pine and larch I looked onto whilst sharing a picnic. I felt an immense surge of light and energy from here.  I knew the frequencies of these trees and experiences would go into the elixir too.

How I sensed the energy radiating from the trees in Glen Lyon

Journeying Full Circle

After 6 years in Ireland, I moved back to Scotland in September of last year (2016) and I know now that Pine was there in the journeys I’ve taken throughout this period and in particular, was there preseeding and/or superseeding some very challenging changes which lead to me leaving West Cork to move to East Clare, and then a year later leaving Clare to come back to Scotland. A few weeks ago I unpacked the elixirs I made in East Clare and knew it was now time to take the Pine essence.   As I said previously Pine is the gift that keeps on giving, and I’ve received so much more information and insights since then.

“Pine ‘takes you home” – from the book Bathing in the Fae’s Breath by John Wilmot

In Knowing Pine, I Know Myself

Ogham Alphabet and Name for Scots Pine

In my various times of communing with and questioning Pine regarding current circumstances and concerns, I was in turn invited to question myself:

“What brought me to this place and what do I wish to let go of in order to continue anew and without hindrance of the past trauma?”

“Where am I not taking up my true, given place and space?”

“How can I be both male + female unto myself?”

“What will I be seeding as I drop my cones of consciousness into the fertile soil?”

The pine cones take two years to open and seed – that is not a rushed business at all, and very few of those tree’s seeds will actually survive to grown into mature trees. But have noticed how many pine trees there are?  There are so many that collectively they are extremely successful in seeding the (K)new.

Did you wonder about that k in brackets there?  It seems to be that it’s only when we fully open to the ‘new’ that we realise the ‘new’ is really only what we knew all along and had only forgotten.  We are being asked to open into a whole new way of being; one of infinite becoming:  total refreshment in the moment, constantly making ourselves anew, reconstituting and reconstallating  ourselves without even thinking about it. In deed, we can even forget the ‘re’ as this is such a knew way of being that there is no more ‘re’ hashing, re-membering, re-acting, re-cycling, re-freshment and so on.  Simply put, it is a new in every moment. A new now now.  Or, now a new now.   There’s some fun to be had in saying that allowed.

Skeletons in the Closet

Everyone has skeletons in the closet. They are those parts of our big, huge, immense self we have rejected. So it is necessary to remember that all healing is not actually healing: it is integration of that which we sent off into the closet labelled ‘not acceptable’ and then forgot about the closet. We did this for one reason or another (all reasons are valid) and all reasons are ultimately simply our unawareness that we are in resistance to the flow of life.   In perfect timing, not of the personalities making, we get opportunity after opportunity to discover that closet, and if we are then able to, we will find that when we open that closet that those rejected skeletons are very ready to be fleshed out anew.

But first they will scare the shit out of you!  It’s exactly like in those movies where the unaware and unsuspecting person opens that door and those scary skeletons fall out onto them, clawing at their face and getting bony fingers tangled in their hair!  They get me. every. single. time.  That’s me freaking and shrieking there! It’s all okay though! In that closet is our closest self.

More Cool Pine Stuff

Though Pine is traditionally associated with the Winter Solstice, I have found that its teachings are more aligned the Summer Solstice, coming to me in late Spring, May and moving into June as preparation for the Solstice.

In my emotions and body sense, I feel Pine helps with constrictions and tightness , grief, shame and guilt, fear of not being safe from persecution, helps us to move out into the world, how to be alone and with others, in Grace. Pine is helpful for those who are suffering from depression and despondency and can’t see a future for themselves.  It’s helpful with lung issues and freeing up the rib cage to allow for expanded breath, assisting in making the rib cage more ‘springy’ and giving the diaphragm more space to move outwards rather than downwards, which gives the internal organs more space to be too.

This tree is a master of artful space management and journeying, both physically and metaphysically too of course, which is basically saying it’s a master of inter-dimension space – the space connection outer and inner dimensions, like a metaphysical intercoms device. As such it will be of great help in inter-dimension travel, time travel, dream-work, ancestral and shamanic work, astral projection, remote viewing, mediumship, divining, plant communication etc. Think in terms of bridges, any and all types of bridges and how and why bridges function, including quantum bridges, or worm holes, and paradoxically, think in terms of no bridges as Pine can help us take a quantum leap through the power of Faith.   Because it functions as the journey and the path it can help us connect to our life’s work, our sole purpose or soul path.

Scots pine is unusual amongst conifers in having a number of different mature growth forms, ranging from tall and straight-trunked with few side branches, to broad, spreading trees with multiple trunks. Eleven different growth forms, or habit types, have been identified for Scots pine in Scotland – Treesforlife.org

Pine tells me that it can help us with our birth and death experiences, and can help us understand that these too are journeys from one state into another, as well as being endings and beginnings.  It says that there is no ending without a beginning, and no beginning without an ending.  In such evergreen wisdom we may soothe and calm that part of us that is terrified of dying.  They (The Elementals) complete our  picture (cycle) of what life really is, and in turn, we complete their picture  … and that’s another interesting topic I’m going to explore some day.

 

Ancient landscape of the native Caledonian Forest, Glen Lyon, Perthshire. There is little folklore associated with the Scots pine, although there is some history of spiritual significance, which can be traced back to Celtic times. It is thought that in England, Scots pines were planted around farmsteads as windbreaks, and clusters of pines growing along old droveways helped travellers find out where they were going in inclement weather. – Woodland Trust

 

Scot’s Pine is Scotland’s National Tree, so I have just discovered!

 

© Lynn Paterson 2017.
Photographs: Lynn Paterson

A Life Changing Experience

Thank you for your interest, for your time you are giving me, to check in, tune in, read, connect here with me, right now. Your choice in reading this, and my choice writing it, have together formed a relationship, a partnership of the moment, and however brief that might be it does not lessen the importance of our connection, for what we are really doing is collaborating in consciousness.

I’m not getting carried away here in self-importance or aggrandising such an everyday thing, yet at the same time, I am tuning into the depth and importance of such everyday encounters.  It’s easy in the world of outer success that we are driven and often beholden to, to realise the meaning of life.  I, writing these words now, and YOU reading them, is lifefullness. I remind myself to slow down and breath as it is easy to lose the delicate fullness of being in perfect poise in both stillness and in flow where I am neither pushing nor being pushed, nor pulling or being pulled, by life’s streams.

It’s my birthday today and it’s very different to last year’s birthday, which was the best birthday celebration I’d had for many years.  Surrounded by friends and lovers, I felt totally alive, and totally loved.  That didn’t last and that particular collaboration in consciousness had fallen apart by the end of the summer. That story is for another time and for now and it’s enough to say I was utterly devastated by being ostracised by some very close and dear people. It’s a complicated story, and I took leave of Ireland as the situation was untenable to me, and I returned to Scotland to hibernate.  This is my first blog since then.

It has taken rest, inner work and accepting help to come back to me.  I’ve also consciously collaborated with other people; that have been the hardest in a way, as I felt broken apart and it was very hard to trust again.  I’m still building on that, and honing my discernment so that I take care of myself first and foremost.  It’s so tempting to isolate and stay away from others… though even if some of that is inevitable, it’s been really important to reach out to be with others, and begin the process of learning to trust oneself, and life again.

One such conscious collaboration I became a part of was a book called 365 Life Shifts.  A Facebook friend invited me to become a contributing author and normally I would have steered away, yet something told me to take a second look.  The book was to be part of a bestselling series birthed by Jodi Chapman and Dan Teck.  I’d been trying to author my own book for a year or too and hadn’t got very far and I was feeling a bit low about that, and overwhelmed by the thought of everything that was involved. Looking into the details of the offer I was immediately impressed with the amount of assistance available at every stage of the way, and the great community spirit building amongst the organisers and the authors. Quite a few of the authors had contributed to the previous two books in the 365 series, and I was encouraged enough to take a leap of faith and join in!

The book was published on 21 Feb this year and I can honestly say that the best part of it has been the group endeavour, the incredible collaboration that over 250 people agreed to take part in.  Yes it is awesome to be published too!  Yet the support, encouragement, enthusiasm and dedication that have been a constant on the book journey is nothing short of amazing, and has lifted me up and held me when I felt like I had nothing left to give.  At times I was unable to play more than a very small role as I was still processing deep grief and pain, yet here I am part of a greater whole and the book is getting fantastic reviews.   Over 250 beautiful souls contributed their heartfelt stories in it!  I’m full of admiration and deepest gratitude – it’s been a very deep life changing experience for me, and very healing too.

Sadly one of our authors, Vicky Mitchell passed away very recently – I didn’t know her, nor had I communicated with her personally, yet when I read of her sudden passing I felt such deep grief, like she was family.  Which of course she is.

Last week a friend bought the book and asked me to sign it. My first ever ‘autograph’!  As an early birthday present he gave me another book which funnily enough, was another collaborative book, this one on trees.  Thank you for being a part of my life, and for allowing me to play a role, however big or small, in yours.

Blessings,

Lynn

This blog is dedicated to Jodi and Dan, and to Spirit who inspired, and to everyone who contributed, and of course to all those who read it. 

You can get your copy here, and there are 70 bonus gifts to claim too!

You can do it too!!!  If you would like to follow in our footsteps and be a contributing author to the next book Goodness Abounds, please read more here

Let It End

Woman, you bleed from a thousand cuts,

your life blood draining away.

Cease now this tragic waste, this martyr’s sacrifice,

come into yourself,

close all the doors,

save your wisdom, let it mature within.

Fear not, it will birth of itself and you will be re-born.

Wisdom is your child,

you’ve been lied to – this is not the way to heal!

Let it end here now,

do not carry this forward.

End this insanity now, let it not continue one moment longer.

This is what you came here to do,

to end this insanity, this pointless suffering,

it is not brave, it is not noble,

it is insane.

This insanity is not your design, not your truth.

Let it be done with now.

 

© Lynn Paterson 2016

The Lost Dreams

Alone, walking on the beach.

No, not alone but with thoughts and feeling of loss, sadness and grief of that which has been lost, or not accomplished. Taking a breath, letting it go. Allowing the next breath to come to me; to welcome it, to receive it fully, without effort.

In a dream of fluid reality, my thoughts swim out to the sea, emptying the mind with each departing wave.  Incoming, the waves gently arrive on the shore.  As with the breath, there is always something coming and going…

Then, a new, old wave, intones in this rarely empty mind: ‘Oh broken spirits of yesteryear, come unto me and I shall make you whole again.’

Looking down, I noticed a small silver fish; it was swimming towards the sand rocks, determined and vigorous in its course.

“How shall I see thee?” I asked.

“You shall see me where and when thee needs to for it is thee that is the Source of all things – thou doesn’t knoweth this yet as Truth… until then you must look to find the infinite within the finite as that is where the mind blips out of existence and no-thing can hide the Truth of Love.”

A dog barked in the distance, a reminder to be doggedly determined.  Not to give up but to continue as a barking dog does, not exactly knowing what is happening but following some inner prompt of a disturbance that needs attention.  Attention, attention, the dog barks – pay attention!

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©Lynn Paterson 2016

For Her

For Her

I cry for the little girl who was rejected.

I cry for the child who was ignored, and for the baby who wasn’t loved,
Deeply I grieve for her – she, who was never told she was enough, more than enough.

That time after time the message has been you are not good enough, you are not enough,

For what love there was did not include her.

Never was she completely seen for what she is – and Her veiled appearance became her personality,

Too many times he only saw his reflection bouncing back to him; he did not allow himself to see Her,
And so the parts unseen in her could only reflect himself,
No wonder he cannot love Her, for he can only see himself.

Is it possible to love her for who and what she is?
Not to approve of her,
To be acknowledged for who and what she is, not for approval, not for acclaim,
For Her.

© Lynn Paterson 2016

Cry of the Wild

Some years ago I was interacting with an archangel called Ariel. These interactions took the form of both channelled sessions and more intimate personal interaction through the mind/heart. In the channelled sessions I got to exchange verbal communication which was wonderful, and dialoguing with an 11th dimensional entity was tremendously exciting to me, especially as I’d been fascinated with angelic consciousness for some years. Ariel was a fabulous teacher and a wonderful friend – I was profoundly moved each time we connected through the channel, who was Isaac George, my partner at the time. Thanks to Isaac and Ariel, I got to explore many metaphysical topics and matters of conscious evolution as well as very personal issues and healing too.

There was one session which included a conversation about the nature of consciousness, which was a common topic of ours. When talking of consciousness, what needs to be understood is that perspective changes everything and the nature of consciousness depends entirely on individual perspective and as such is not a static understanding, but a fluid, ever changing knowing, of understanding, and lack of understanding. However, that does not distract from the power of the moment in which I saw clearly for the first time how consciousness acts upon itself to ‘reunite’ itself.

As Ariel talked, I listened with my whole body, allowing the body and mind to soften, relax and open and did not attempt to interpret or analyse what I was hearing. (This is a method I recommend and continue to employ and share today.) What I saw was that consciousness is all that there is. There is consciousness that knows this, and there is consciousness that doesn’t remember this (yet). That which knows acts upon that which does not know. Or it could also be said that as we remember  and align with ourselves, everything re-constitutes itself to reflect/show that. Ariel explained “When you embody the Source consciousness with your particular faculties, you are in a position to demonstrate it. And when you are in a position to demonstrate it and you do that, everything around you re-constellates without you even thinking of doing that.” This is consciousness acting upon itself.

I saw completely without doubt or any possibility of failure, that consciousness will succeed in having its way, because there is nothing other than consciousness, and in truth there is no ‘way’ as such. There is no stopping consciousness. Indeed, even to use the word ‘stop’ infers it is possible to stop, and this is simply not the case. One might say consciousness is like the most virulent, unstoppable virus affecting everything in its path, with nothing escaping; but this still does not fully describe the truth, power and ‘isness’ of consciousness.’ It is all there is. There is no success or failure possible, everything just ‘is’.

This was a tremendously exciting vision of the nature of consciousness and it gave me incredible hope and trust in the world we live in. I came into the peace of knowing that there is really nothing that needs to be done. I knew it was simply a matter of time till consciousness ‘healed’ itself and that, whilst I may wish things to speed up and improve, I had to let all ideas of timing go. It was a process already under way and I was but a part of a great ocean and yet that ocean would not be the same without me. Session over, but still contemplating this revelation, I wandered out into the back garden and just stood in the beautiful evening sunshine in the midst of nature, in the quiet of the countryside near to Loch Lomond. A thought crossed my mind that as I must be patient, it was indeed the most idyllic location to be patient in and my heart opened more with the gratitude of being here, immersed in nature, and through that, connected with the world as a whole. I saw myself in future moments, coming out here again and again, standing in this beautiful place and just feeling the world soul, nature and the humans within it. In such timeless moments we become aware of the eternal nature of who we really are.

As I breathed and meditated with this, my mind opened to a question, “I wonder what how this transformation of consciousness will actually look like as it happens. How will things change?”

An image arose in my mind of women going out into their back yards, gardens, to small concrete or paved areas, out onto the back street, on the beach, in the woods, somewhere, anywhere, but standing out there and sounding their voice without inhibition. I saw ordinary women from all over the world doing this. Some were screaming, some howling, others crying, or shouting, or yelling, some were doing all of the above. Some of these women were shouting because they were happy, some were very sad and full of grief, others so angry and as mad as hell. There were anxious, fearful women and those who were joyful and ecstatic. There were those who were quietly, desperately depressed and hopeless. Many women were lonely and isolated. All ordinary, no matter who or what they were, and their ordinariness was remarkable; it did not matter who the woman was, or what she had or hadn’t done in the world, her voice was her voice, unique and welcome on Earth. They were just doing what all women may do naturally when not concerned with how it looks or whether they’ll be called unreasonable, hysterical or emotional – they were just being themselves. They were women who on one level or another, were awakening to the truth of their feelings; they were not thinking about their feelings, they were expressing them, in the moment.

What struck me as most remarkable was that each woman was simply just doing ‘her thing’ with no preconceived idea of whether it would change anything or indeed matter in any way at all. I saw thousands of women around the globe doing this, yet I saw no plan or coordinated event, no direction, no aim; in fact, nothing but the wild cry of woman. Every woman is whole and autonomous; a universe in herself, diverse, unique and at the same time part of a collective. I understood that the collective does not come first; the individual experience must come first, and from there a collective forms itself, naturally. We’ve had the collective ideal, ‘for the greatest good of all’ and it doesn’t work. Whilst there is a common situation, we cannot rely on current ideologies to ‘fix’ things because that is exactly what happens – they get ‘fixed’ in place and are unmovable, dead, devoid of life. Unity cannot be imposed upon self by some higher grand idealism – it must come as a side-effect of coming into wholeness on an individual basis. Truly there is no greater good for the whole if it compromises an individual’s sovereignty.

In this vison of transformation, individuation is where the power is, not on any belief of solidarity. That does not render solidarity as undesirable. All it means is that for there to be the realisation of full potential for humanity, sovereignty or autonomous self, oneself must come first and foremost. Why? Because the very act of each being themselves creates a whole, a harmony that is wild and free, not forced or contrived, borne of effort and trying to change something; neither was it derived from thoughts that ‘we should’ or ‘it ought to be this way or that’.

This is why the uncoordinated, unplanned, unrehearsed, combined voices of women, long unsung and longing to be heard, do in fact matter, and matter quite literally. For what I saw was these unrehearsed, spontaneous cries joined together through sympathetic vibrations, growing through resonances into powerful waves of sound that quite literally break up matter. They were turning into dust all that is not in harmony with nature; it reminded me of the old biblical story of the Walls of Jericho. I saw the old world quickly crumbling away and new harmonious buildings and infrastructure taking the place of that which is out of harmony. It happened very rapidly in my vision, like a movie on fast forward. I realised it would not really happen like that; it would more likely be a very gradual process and the power of the resonant waves of women would change the world.

It was staggering to see how potentially powerful our own sound is and that each one’s voice affects the whole. When we are spontaneous, free and unrehearsed, we are in the moment and there is no separation of self from experience. It is so powerful that, even without trying to change anything, everything will change, as we simply do what we’ve held back for centuries, let free our cry of the wild.

A final thought entered my mind: That which has been made, may be unmade.

Lynn Paterson 2016 ©

With thanks to Peter, a retired physicist friend of mine who helps me make sense of these experiences and put them into understandable concepts. Edited by Andrew Jurascheck

 

“Everything is determined, the beginning as well as the end, by forces over which we have no control. It is determined for the insect as well as for the star. Human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper.” ~ Albert Einstein

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