“Till the wind shake a thousand whispers from the yew” – T.S. Eliot
It’s been just over three years since the yew incident in Devon which forms the main part for this blog, I’ve only recently felt to write about it. Before now, I never really seriously thought to put it into the written word and now that I have, I’ve really struggled in writing about it and it’s testing me in many ways.
Days of starting and not getting anywhere, going off on tangents and realising that they’re not tangents and unable to cope with trying to get a very large map into a readable format. There are layers of meanings within meanings and always there is a deeper level of understanding to drop into. But how does one paint the whole universe? By realising that one cannot not paint the whole universe in the first stroke? At least not unless one trusts that in every word, in every space, in what is said, and not said, is like a hologram that contains the whole. And by just being content with the content so far… and realising that sometimes the perfection of writing is that it is imperfect, and unfinished.
That hasn’t made it easier to write and I know now after struggling with it for weeks, that I am going through a deep initiation and learning as I write this piece. As I sit now writing this bit, I have just experienced a small panic attack and an intense urge to get up and do something else, anything to distract myself. I become quite agitated and get adrenaline rushes and hot flushes. I don’t know whether this is just about writing this particular piece or writing in general. Probably the two are not separate. I can only manage to write a few words, and a sentence or two takes more than 30 minutes! I think it’s partly because of the difficulties in either talking or writing without using a linear cause and effect model. I must write a poem about the experience of trying to write this stuff 😀 Certainly it would help if I could develop more of a sense of humour about it all – probably a good time for some laughter yoga! In writing this piece, I can actually see myself playing out on the micro scale the macrocosm of my life habits – the distraction, the focus on the little details like spelling, the seeming inability to trust the process, the constant allowing of interference, lack of focus, distraction by shiny things… the list goes on …and I’m betting all that sounds very familiar to a lot of people.
I suspect that this is just the beginning, and that I will be writing about this and in general from now on. One of the incredibly difficulties I find in writing is in trying to describe things from an holistic experience, rather than cause and effect, or storytelling in a linear fashion. I don’t know where to start and how to describe all the various directions my experience takes me in. This is because that even if not at the time, I now experience life as simultaneous potential (resonance) and not just in terms of cause and effect and a single forward moving timeline. I mostly always write from my direct experiences and will sometimes include additional material to help to explain or expand my findings. Sometimes this acts like validation for me. Also, I write in this style to keep it as pure as possible, I do not wish to translate it into ‘givens’ or create more dogmas from my findings. The point of experience or the sharing of it, is not control and knowledge – it’s not so one can say, ‘well this is the truth, and now I’m happy because I know the unknowable’.
Additionally, and interestingly, there are two very important things I’ve discovered during this process. 1) coffee is a shamanic plant medicine and can be engaged with as such. 2)My internal guidance telling me that ‘little and often’ is incredible wisdom for me, and not only does it work, it reveals so much more, and importantly, un-writes old unhelpful stuff and writes new neural pathways that have implications throughout my life. 3)I’ve forgotten what number 3 was.
Yews – Birth, Death, Resurrection
In the summer of 2014 I spent a week staying with a friend near Totness, Devon. A series of serendipitous happenings had contrived to bring me to this area again and I was feeling a sense of Grace in the unfolding of things. I’d wanted to re-visit Totness for a while.
Travelling down from Salisbury, I reached my friend’s home tired but very happy to be staying with her in her beautiful home in a stunning location in the Devon countryside. We’d only met once before, in Ireland when she popped into visit my partner in connection with a business matter – we’d felt a deep connection immediately and had wished we’d had more time together…and so here I was , taking her up on her invitation to come over and stay a few days with her. There was no set plan or agenda as such – just allowing whatever was to come forward to do so with ease. We’d be spending some time together and I’d was also wishing to see other friends there, facilitate some session work and also a workshop –plenty to do in only 6 days but given the grace and ease in which it had transpired so far, it was easy to let go and trust it would all work out nicely. RoseMarie mentioned some things and places of interest – Dartington House & Grounds, Buckfast Abbey and a couple of very old yew trees that she felt nudged to tell me about. We found ourselves sharing about the various yew trees we had each visited over the years. I recalled the lovely yews in Roslin Glen, and the famous old Fortingall Yew which I had visited on many occasions through the years.
Next day we met a friend of hers for lunch. My ears pricked up when I heard her mention Stoke Gabriel. When I was just starting my tantra and sacred sexuality work It was through archangel Gabriel that the name One Heart Tantra came to me. I met another friend Cathy the next day and we were discussing what to do. She mentioned she was about to move to Stoke Gabriel. Overhearing us, RoseMarie said there was an old graveyard with some yew trees.It was obvious to go there.
Connecting with the churchyard yews in Stoke Gabriel, I moved in to place my hands upon one. It was intimated to me that the function of yew is the sovereign of tree communication. They ‘rule’ the network as it were. Except that rule is not rule as us humans understand it to be. There was no sense of hierarchy whatsoever – this was their function and all things have their own function, one function is no better or scores higher or lower than another. This is simply what they do. Allowing my mind and feelings/senses to travel down into this communication network, I sensed that this vast, living network of communication, through the collective of trees, plants, flowers and fungi, was part of consciousness, our consciousness, and that humans were not separate from this consciousness of nature. Without wishing to limit it to such, I felt that this network below the surface of the earth was akin to our sub-conscious and there were things there that were buried, hidden from our everyday awareness. My mind travelled along the lines of communication, the living, organic network of roots from huge to micro sized and into the fungi that bridge the gaps. In that vast network in the earth I sensed secrets of human existence. I knew then that nothing has or indeed could be lost; it is all there waiting for us to discover it. Secrets are there, things that we have not allowed ourselves to know about who and what we are. This is the truth that we cannot yet bear to allow ourselves to know and it waits there until we have the capacity to face such truth. It includes a depository of understanding (that which stands under). The Yew intelligence intimated to me that all history, all things will be unearthed. It cannot be any other way, for nothing may be lost or hidden permanently. the ‘hidden’ things I’m referring to are both our history and the truth of our origins. I understood how it works in terms of ‘resonance’ rather than as ‘cause and effect’, that all of this information is coded and cannot be understood all at once, it is there, just not accessible, until it is. Think in terms of decoding the information. It depends on the decoder as to what information you get. Like re-reading a book some time later and you get new understandings because you have a new perspective; a wider bandwidth of information is now available to you.
The merge ended as quickly as it had begun – the whole process taking only around 5 minutes earth time¹. Without thinking, my mind immediately moved into the subject of child abuse and the horrific stories that were coming to light in that time period; the mass grave of nearly 800 babies and children believed to have been found at the Tuam Mother and Baby home in Co Galway² and the paedophile ring being uncovered in the UK around the same time. These were ‘stories’ that were coming to the surface of our awareness… they were becoming uncovered, unearthed.³ I didn’t try to analyse or even focus on what all this meant and then energy naturally shifted away and I noticed that my friend was sitting on a bench – she wasn’t involved and I don’t know she if noticed what was happening. I say this to let you know that there’s no fancy ceremony required in order to experience this type of communication – I just take the opportunities when they arise.
A day or two later my wonderful host took me to Dartington Hall, home of the Schumacher trust, famous for its transformational and holistic courses of which I had no idea of until this moment, but it now adds more understanding of the particular nature of the yew tree there. RoseMarie had taken a picture of this yew tree and had it framed and from the moment I saw it in her home I was fascinated by it’s form and energy. So after Stoke Gabriel yews, I was full of expectation and doing my best to let go of expectation! After walking and enjoying the gardens in general, and unwinding and relaxing, we felt it was our time to visit the yew. The tree is situated in the graveyard there and easily accessible. [Many of our oldest yews are situated in churches and graveyards because the use of yew wood for longbows yewsed up the vast majority of trees leaving the ones in ‘sacred’ places untouched. This one is said to be at least 1500 years old ]
Dartington Hall Gardens Yew Tree by Geograph*
Dartington Hall Yew. Photo by Dartington Hall**
Placing my hands on the yew’s trunk I tuned in. Though I felt a connection, nothing happened as it did at Stoke Gabriel. No words or messages, and actually I was a tad disappointed. Realising that despite my best efforts I did in fact hold expectation. Doing my best to divest of the last of that, I shrugged my shoulders and simply focussed on the moment. There still wasn’t anything happening except a sense of peace perhaps and I decided to be content with the simple things of pleasure and of being in this amazing place with amazing beings. We’d been out walking the gardens for a couple of hours and were feeling the call of the café. It was a beautiful day so we sat outside with our drinks and chocolate brownies (funny how there are some things you remember easily). Some minutes later I heard what sounded like thunder and then came loud thunder with lightning. I can’t say how but I know this was connected with our yew visit. We rushed back to the car anticipating rain which never came. We were headed for Totnes intent on continuing our plan for the afternoon. RoseMarie is extremely sensitive and was obviously picking something up from me and asked if I was okay. I was, and wasn’t. I was feeling very spaced out and in a kind of trance and feeling very tired and unable to function normally. It was hard to speak and was also feeling tired but didn’t want to mess up the plans. RoseMarie however realised something major was going on and told me she was taking me straight home and I was glad of that as the state only deepened. I just wanted to go to bed and sleep for a few hours.
Exhausted by the time we got back I crawled off into bed thinking I’d crash out in moments. Didn’t happen. Instead I went into an intense and extended ‘mystical revelation’ session. Laying on the bed I slipped more deeply into an expanded, almost thin, trance like state. I couldn’t say if I was being guided or whether things just became revealed; it was like a doorway had opened or the veil had been drawn aside for I was accessing information and seeing things from a different perspective, and just about everything I saw was inverted or opposite how we have believe/see it generally.
What I saw was that I/We as Spirit/Consciousness was in fact the one/s orchestrating reality. In particular, I saw how in the case of the paedophile investigation, I We (it’s both I and We) are orchestrating the revelations, bringing the information out, revealing the truth and our everyday selves are assimilating this truth. To be more accurate, as in the Stoke Gabriel vision, I understood things in terms of resonance, rather than cause and effect. Spirit in the form of many, is/are the one/s ‘in authority’. All the time, my everyday personality self experiences an outside authority of the police, the government, medical system, tax, border control and customs, school teachers, etc. and I think they have power to control, to decide, to lead. They don’t.
They do not lead or control events even though in their conscious experience they seem to. That’s all an illusion. Truth, as I saw it, is that I We are behind the scene (seen) orchestrating events. We are the ones in charge of how much is revealed and when. (Again, I saw this working through the law of ‘resonance’ rather than cause and effect). We are not at the mercy of authority. They are not in charge or leading these investigations, we are. There is a ‘false’ part of us, our persona, that we live life through, the truth is that there is another part of us far greater in power that is the ‘natural authority’. I couldn’t see that a hierarchal system exists , just an illusion of one. I saw ‘us’, as Spirit, with no conception of anything possible other than harmonious cooperation – though even those words are insufficient to describe the effortless doings/dance of Spirit. There are weavers who change the fabric of reality and I am one of those who is at present learning how to merge this function consciously with my persona. That’s about learning how to be my multidimensional self, whilst still function as ‘me’. Many, many of us are now going through this experience as awakening occurs, as more is revealed, as revelations happen, and our persona must learn to integrate these new things. It cannot happen all at once though as the vessel of the body persona is not resonant with the whole of the truth. Again, though it’s not about cause and effect, I am unable to describe in totality how I saw things without using cause and effect as I am still living partly in that construct.
The Yews continued to unveil information and it came thick and fast! There were so many things to look at that I knew I would only see a small portion. I moved away from that particular police investigation and started looking at how religious and esoteric symbols are corrupted: they are changed just a teeny bit and so continue to resonate with a lot of people, yet they are corrupted and the use of them disrupts and steals energy, which is syphoned into things most people would be horrified to think they are connected to. [It is up to each of us to become ever more discerning about how our energy is used – that’s where the gift of sensitivity comes into play.] There was so much information to see that most of it got filed away and hasn’t as yet been re-vised or re-visited. Also, it must be said that all of us are learning. Do not despair about this stuff as we as Spirit have it covered, and yet, we as people are able to be more than we currently are, and unveiling this ‘dark stuff’ is part of that process.
“When information that has been hidden from us is revealed we see more than just the information presented. For whatever is hidden contains within it the seeds of why it was hidden.” – Adam Elbass
Our interface with the world as we know it is our persona, and this persona is learning all the time. My persona (the me I think of as I) is learning all the time, and it is gradually seeing how things really work. Currently I am between two paradigms of understanding/interpreting life, partly I’m seeing and experiencing through cause and effect dynamics, and partly I’m experiencing events and things through the law of resonance. Put very simply, the law of resonance does not look at an effect being caused, it sees that all is there all of the time, only that some things are visible and available, some not. So through the law or resonance for instance, there is no mystery about which came first, the chicken or the egg, as both are the same thing, there is no separation, only the appearance of separation. [Like heads and tails of a coin.] The law of resonance does not have time nor space, only the appearance of them which separate things into ‘events’ in a timeline. So in the case of what the yews were showing me, was that nothing can be hidden or buried in truth, only the appearance of that, and things do not disappear, nor are they lost, they simply are not in our focus at a particular moment. That they are not available to us in one moment does not mean they are not available to us in another moment. Think of it like decoding information. It depends on the decoder as to what information you get. An example of that is re-reading a book some time later and getting new insights and understandings because you have a new perspective, a wider bandwidth is available to you. Another example is in translation from one language to another. It is easy for things to get lost or completely confused in translation, yet learning the language more thoroughly can give us a completely different translation, and experience.
The truth is that nothing may be separated from us, so if it’s of us, of me, of you, then it will be ‘returned’ (it will be experienced as a return, even though it was there all the time). I’m talking about karma here too of course. Those parts which we were unable to bear as us – what happens to them? Well, they appear to split off from us – banished as it were to another realm, perhaps the realm under ground. Because we send them away they take on a life of their own, and because they are us, they must ‘return’ to us one day. So karma is really just the understanding of cause and effect, and in the understanding, it is dissolved as the gap between cause and effect gets smaller, and understanding happens, and we see the dynamic and we close the gap! Well, that’s a very stripped down version of my understanding of karma and whilst I could write loads more on it it’s not going to be in this particular blog.
Getting back to the Yews, they are part of the collective consciousness, and a conduit to access the library of humanity, also know as the Akashic records. They can help us upgrade, unlock, clear DNA and ancestral patterns. It’s really about revealing what is the truth rather than changing anything. Rather like that scene in Lord of the Rings when the King of Rohan is possessed by Saruman, and when that is challenged by Gandalf, the untruth has to crumble away as it is not in resonance with the truth of who the man really is, which is sovereign. That analogy applies to each and every one of us. We must all go through that process. DNA, which is like a living library or our experiences, is not who we are, yet it is from this that our reality is created. When DNA clears and reveals, a new projected reality is created. The DNA is like a double helix spiral in our spine, one going up, one coming down, in a holographic form. Our spine may be called ‘The Codex of Illumination’. More DNA is being revealed in humanity now. DNA is a transmitter-receiver and can be reprogrammed.
It is fascinating to look at the relationship of similarities between trees, humans and books and how it all links into our history (his story, all stories): Some things to get you started: Family tree, branch of the family, our roots, biology of humans and trees is very similar, spine/trunk/spine of book, books made of paper from trees, so much information in books on ancestral history, inheritance, ownership of identity of one’s child, records of good and bad deeds, family relationships, statistics – these are all connected with trees and humans and just why this is is revealed piece by piece like a magical mystery tour. Oh, and let’s not forget about the The tree of the knowledge of good and evil for that is perhaps the key of the mystery of duality otherwise know as ‘The Fall’. Also the Celtic Ogham lliterally uses trees to describe life. There is a huge amount of information on Yews on the internet which gives the reader some idea of their role, yet in another way, barely touches upon the surface of these vast cosmic questions.
“The human quest for meaning in life, the ‘eternal questions’: Where do we come from? Where are we going? What will happen after death? Around the world we find the yew tree time and again associated with this part of human life, namely philosophy, religion, birth and burial rites. In many ancient cultures the yew was more than other trees part of a holistic, all-encompassing approach to life and death.” – Fred Hageneder
Following this exposé experience I did my usual mad internet surfing and researching work – I looked up all the so called sacred symbols and saw how they’d been distorted (apologies but I really don’t want to go into this in detail, mainly because it is not helpful to anyone to be shown stuff, it can interfere with one’s own path, but I feel it’s okay to mention it as each may ask their own inner teacher and do their own research.) I didn’t research Yews though till I got home to West Cork. Then I found an incredible amount of information that totally fitted with my experience with the yews. I’d forgotten just how connected the mythology and sacred symbology of yew was with my experience. Just Google search ‘yew tree symbology’ and you will find a huge amount of information which you will see is very intimately aligned with my experiences. I continued searching, looking for something else, yet not knowing what. Then even my mind was blown by finding that the police called the paedophile investigation Operation Yew Tree. That was staggering. After that discovery I took some time to let it settle, then things turned very challenging at home as my partner announced he was leaving and that all took centre stage. Looking back, I can see how one thing lead to another, and a period of some time followed where I experienced much descent into darkness akin to mythological stories. Really, the Yews connection is not easy…Love will destroy all that is not Love and that is that. That particular yew tree ‘episode’ is only one chapter over a lifetime of chapters that reveal my own story, my own living myth. Even though yews were not centre stage, they continued to work away in the back ground of my awareness, and I am only just beginning to piece together just how they are so intimately connected with our own collective and individual history and stories.
More is revealed the more you look, where your attention goes, things are revealed, whatever you are fascinated with persists. Observe, witness, perceive. Dig into things yourself if you wish to know more. Trees in general I believe hold the key to how we find our place here on planet earth, and by extension, in the greater cosmic order. Connecting to trees, and to nature will help us to find our place in the world, it helps us to get in touch with our roots, and not just our family tree roots, but our cosmic roots. We will move from being like an earth orphan to earth child who feels totally at home, welcome and a part of all life here, nourished and nurtured and given physical life, to be here now. This is moving away from hierarchical thinking of survival of the fittest and fighting another for limited resources, this constant struggle for existence and belief we have to pay our way, to earn the right to exist. All of that is disappearing if we allow it to. The opportunity then is to open to seeing that we can shift from separation consciousness to unity understanding, so as a collective we feel connected, and in touch with each other, the whole, (holistic) and move away from competition with each other, as we wake up to realise (real-eyes) that we are in fact all individuations of the same source. This is how trees can help as they are holding that consciousness already; they understand the difference between hierarchical mentality and functional order. This does not mean imposing ideas of what we think works though, and we must keep an open mind and heart to be available to constant upgrades. Never before has it been so clear to me that I cannot hang my hat on what I think I know, because it becomes obsolete so quickly. Trees are part of the collective and hold a key to our new awareness, as we hold a key to theirs. Exactly what that is will be revealed to those who ask!
In conclusion for this part of the post,it is a co-inside-dance how the timing of this blog coincides with me attending the awesome Yew Tree Mysteries with Michael Dunning this past weekend in Ormiston. Finding Michael’s work has confirmed so much of my own revelations and introduced astounding new information too.
My Yew magical mystery tour continues as I type today and much is unfolding, so there will be more writing to come on this topic as I explore and learn more about our DNA and reprogramming it, healing the ancestral lineage, how we can work with sexuality and healing that, and I suspect also I will discover more about touch, which has formed such a large part of my learning and love of tantra massage and sacred sexuality work in the past.
I am blessed and deeply appreciative to have two very dear companions/collaborators to explore and adventure with – C and P, from the depths of my heart, thank you. I am excited to see what our new adventures will bring.
“Three lifetimes of the yew for the world from its beginning to its end.” ~ The Book of Lismore ~
“In early times, the darkly glorious yew-tree was probably the only evergreen tree in Britain. Both Druids with their belief in reincarnation, and later Christians with their teaching of the resurrection, regarded it as a natural emblem of everlasting life. Its capacity for great age enriched its symbolic value. The early Irish regarded it as one of the most ancient beings on earth. Yew is the last on a list of oldest things in a passage from the fourteenth century Book of Lismore: ‘Three lifetimes of the yew for the world from its beginning to its end.’ http://www.druidry.org/library/trees/tree-lore-yew
Celtic Ogham Symbol for Yew. I drew this shape in a picture I made attending a workshop in WA USA in 2012. I had no idea what it meant, the workshop wasn’t about trees in particular, certainly not about yews, or so I thought. I drew it over and over again in a painting and only discovered it was yew when I looked into the Ogham last year. It is like a spine.
The Ogham alphabet. Very interesting that Yew is the letter I – so that means yew (you) = I. Gotta love the alpha and omega and the non duality story there! It is the fifth and last vowel, and the last letter of the Ogham.
This is the Ogham for Pine, which I wrote about in an earlier blog. I just noticed that it’s the first vowel in the Ogham, whilst Yew is the last. Also notice that this is the first form of the cross, whilst the symbol for Yew is the last one in the Ogham. ‘Synchronicities’ are there in every step when resonance is at work.
Here is a very keen descriptive of the power and implication of Yews from http://www.unfading.net/yew.html
“Yew is often named among the most ancient trees in the world and, according to some sources, may as well be the oldest-living one. Understanding the Yew principle is crucial for understanding the Universe itself, for this wood holds a key to the mystery of Creation; thus, the importance of Yew cannot be underestimated. Not without reason Yew, not Ash, is sometimes thought to be the original ‘World-tree’ of Scandinavian mythology (though considering them ‘the same tree’ seems more appropriate).
Despite the implied greatness, Yew symbolism is rather dark. This tree is known as the death tree almost in all European countries, and its connection with destructive workings is obvious. By the way, this danger is not purely ‘symbolical’; Yew is indeed very poisonous. It contains the dangerous alkaloid which can invoke hallucinations and even cause death. However, the ‘death’, personified by Yew, must be seen not as ‘elimination’, but rather as ‘transformation’, as gaining the new quality, or as a passage to another world. Due to that fact, Yew has a strong association with Life as well as with Death. The symbolical vitality of this tree is emphasized by some of its physical characteristics: the Yew tree’s branches grow into the ground; and when the central trunk dies, the tree lives on. This fact, probably, has lead to another aspect in the Yew archetype; namely, to its ‘preceding symbolism’, which means connection with past and especially with ancestry (most likely, with ‘ancestry through the blood’, as the Yew tree personifies the material aspect of Being).
Using Yew in magical and spiritual rituals is questionable. It is very powerful tree with deep, complicated symbolism; and as such has a wide range of possible uses, especially in all workings dealing with the essential transformation. In addition to that, it can induce visions, protect from aggression, enhance magical and psychic abilities, etc. However, in most cases Yew is not recommended for magical tools. The main cause for this restriction lays not in the connection with dark works, as one can easily (and mistakenly) assume. The point is that the Yew energies are not fully manageable. They are shapeless, non-consistent, and almost ‘chaotic’. The majority of people even aren’t able to understand their true nature. As a result, the effect of using them can be unpredictable and often disastrous.
Anyway, it is important to remember: Yew, as the tree of Creation, symbolizes not Death, but Love (no matter how strange and illogical it may seem).
Keywords: Essential transformation, striving for life, rebirth, mystery of life, ancestry through the blood, connection with the past, darkness, chaos, power, poisonous aggression, pain, suffering, illusion, death, destruction. The main principle of created Universe and Love as the main cause of Creation. http://www.unfading.net/yew.html
Blood like Yew.
Lynn’s commentary and footnotes:
1 – There is no limit in time in such experiences as they are holistic or multi-dimensional, non linear. I find it extremely challenging writing or talking about a multi-dimensional experience – it’s impossible to use linear language to express the multi-dimensional, one of the issues I find is that I cannot keep a linear storyline going – that just doesn’t work anymore. I can’t describe or report things in terms of cause and effect and this frustrates me somewhat!
2 – I was living in West Cork and driving up to Dublin when I first heard about the mass gave at Tuam. I hardly listen to the news, nor the radio when driving but this day I was. As I caught the thread of the story, I couldn’t stop listening – I had to continue despite the deepest horror and grief surfacing from deep within me. I couldn’t explain why I felt such a huge emotional charge – I’d struggled before with the subject and could hardly watch the Magdalene Sisters for instance, yet what I was experiencing now was far beyond that. I listened to all the radio reports and talks for about 3 hours, till I got to my friend’s home in Bray. Later on that evening as I shared about it with her, we both had that ‘larger than life’ feeling , like a watershed moment or an awakening/remembering of sorts. Looking back now, some 3 years later, it is clear that an initiation happened, both personally for us two, and collectively in society. At the time, it is easy to think that these larger than life experiences mean things will change overnight; one is filled with a sense of freedom and unstoppable power. In retrospect, it is seen that these initiations are simply part of the whole cycle and time is required in order to integrate experience. For example, many, many people are desperate and frustrated because full disclosure is not happening, or that the authorities refuse to carry out adequate investigations, or that the general population are not caring, or waking up to the truth. They believe that a full expose is needed immediately and they are in despair that these things continue to happen. Much anger is felt, and impotence along with the frustration. I get this, totally get this. Yet what I also see is that we only expose ourselves to that which we are ready to receive. Shifts happen and integration is required. It is just not obvious that we are integrating: it looks like we don’t care.
Caring about others takes second place to personal survival, and we are talking about personal survival running the show albeit unknown to the conscious mind. There is much collective and personal fear on these issues – it is not so simple to just expose the truth as we might think we know it for there is nothing less than the truth of our very existence as humans being tied up in all of these hidden stories. Revealing the truth of what humanity really is not just a change of game for society – it’s actually a totally new way of being human. Sounds incredible and very desirable of course, yet the process of evolving is unknown, and fearful to the established order within and outside. Even what appears to be an obvious issue to expose without hesitation is bound very tightly by the threads of fear. Most people struggle even to comprehend the atrocities and quite frankly just don’t even get as far as looking at their own reactions. Some of my Irish female friends have been extremely distressed when I’ve shared even a little on the topic of mother and baby homes in Ireland. I’ve seen high levels of fear and avoidance happen and one or two ‘confessed’ they are completely unable to ‘go there’ – these are not women who have been directly affected by being personally involved. Yet obviously they are being affected and personally involved to one extent or another because we are part of the collective. This is just one example of the stuff that is buried in us that we don’t even know how personally we are affected until something disturbs it. There is very little support for, or awareness of how the collective is affected by the revelations of horrific things happening in the world. It’s no wonder that people are so tempted to become numbed/dumbed down, though there are things that are helping such as organised grieving days, death cafes, remembrance and honouring events etc.
For me personally, I go through cycles of what appears to be awakening and then going back to sleep… every once in awhile it’s very active inside and then goes dormant again. That may or may not coincide with something public happening such as a news story or film, book etc. I’m not an activist and often have experienced conflicting emotions and thoughts regarding my role, what to do or not to do. Though I can read or watch things now that leave me feeling uncomfortable, it’s taken me many years of practise to get to this point where I can read or watch something and stay in the discomfort. When I first started to read about the hidden horrors of paedophilia for instance, I was so horrified and shocked to my core that I wasn’t able to face it and reacted with denial in one way or another. It’s taken me a long time to start to write about this stuff so I can see why the human collective has not yet been able to face these atrocities. At this point, I would like to say that this blog is not an attempt to solve the problems of society nor to pass judgement and I am not offering any solutions here, I am sharing my experiences. In fact, one of the things that has kept me from sharing on some of these deeper and complex issues is I may feel a sense of guilt, hopelessness, anxiety or frustration at not presenting a happy ending in the form of a solution or a neat package of full understanding. And in this case, I am talking about human consciousness, our existence, and our potential, so there is no neatly packaged presentation that I can offer in the form of a beginning, middle and end of story.
3 – To date both of these investigations are on-going, and in the case of the mass grave at Tuam, no excavation has yet been authorised. http://www.thejournal.ie/tuam-mother-and-baby-home-what-has-been-happening-3268787-Mar2017/
* – photo – http://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/312595
** – photo – https://www.dartington.org/visit/the-gardens/
Here’s one link of very many interesting sites on the Yew: https://www.whitedragon.org.uk/articles/yew.htm
© Lynn Paterson 2017