Dear Reader, as this story directly continues from France-Initiation (Part I), may I suggest you start there before reading this as otherwise it won’t really make much sense.
At the end of the first part France–Initiation (Part I) I was telling you about the devastation I felt at the death of a story I’d been carrying for many years, upon which much of my sense of self was built. The death of an ‘inner story character’ is literally is like a death of a self, albeit a false self but that it is false is not known until the moment of the death-blow. That sort of experience is like the tarot card ‘The Tower’ and it was not without a sense of irony that I remembered the name ‘Magdalene’ has been translated to mean tower.
That Taj (Deborah) seemed fine, even excited, about my 180 degree turnabout was an exceedingly healing experience for me and taught me that there were some people who did indeed embrace the unexpected and change, and that here was a great friend indeed who appreciated me for who and what I was – and not for who and what I thought I was, or who I thought I should be.
This was a great antidote to the pattern of “I’ve made my bed and now I must lie in it”, which quite literally does of course mean lying to self, and others. This particular pattern I see in myself and other women, though there are men who carry it as well. I feel it is a (false/shadow) feminine pattern and it goes along with the fear that women/the feminine are/is always changing their/its minds, that they can’t be relied upon, they are emotional, are not dependable, unpredictable, uncontrollable, not understandable, not logical. In other words, not safe, dangerous! It’s quite easy to dismiss this one yet in my experience it shows up in people on a daily basis and mainly you can see this through its counterpart which is the rigid, fixed mentality of authority. (Interestingly enough, this same pattern was to rear its head in 2017 when I was planning the return to France.)
Deborah and I went ahead and recorded our free introductory teleseminar the next day. I’d love to tell you that it worked out even better than it would have done before I had my turnabout, but it did not. In fact I didn’t feel it went well at all. I felt challenged to find my voice and more so that I’d lost the thread of what I wanted to share, and also that I couldn’t properly articulate what I was going through. Taj however thought differently, she really enjoyed it and had no criticisms of my contribution. I’ve not been able to bear even the thought of listening to the video since then.* (for update – see end of blog)
Knowing our next one was due on February 22nd I decided to let things settle for a few days. But they didn’t and if anything, I felt even more strongly about things. The energy was gone for me and I couldn’t get it back. I went ahead and told Taj I couldn’t continue with the teleseminar series nor the week-long retreat we’d planned. I felt terrible about it all.
I Am a Radiant Heart. So full of Love and delight. Bask in the presence of the One and All shall find their true Love. Sweetness comes to all that seek to know the truth of being fully human. Both divine and human. Man in divine truth is a beautiful creation that know no limits to its love.
Existence stills the mind for all eternity, coming unto self in the night of passion of the only one. No one need be passed by for in choosing love over all else, the righteous nature of self exceeds all else. There is nothing to add to this.
Be unto the self as a mother is to her new-born child. In every moment cherish the child of God that you are. Never let a day go by without offering Love to yourself. As you do this act of Grace you and all others are filled with Grace herself.
When your brothers and sisters come to you seeking that which they sense you have, it is because you are already being it. Hold back nothing now because there is nothing that can be taken which is your truth. Do not limit the Grace of Spirit which desires to move through you. It will be a balm unto the many as they seek their own true nature.
Fear not the wolves in the hearts of men for they know not what they do and ignorance is not the match of a Spirit infused soul. Your truth cannot be taken from you; it may only be given away. Fear not evil for it is only seeking to know itself. Be a light in the darkness of despair.
I am your mother, your sister, your lover in alms. Thank you for your devotion, I am always with you for we are one.
I’d been reading the Cathar book We Are One Another by Arthur Guirdham and I’d been at it pretty intensely, getting drawn into the story for a couple of weeks, and it was also just after the first Waterfalls retreat. I’d been sharing with a friend about my France experiences, and there was a certain energy to that. That night I couldn’t sleep and was restless, some kundalini type orgasmic energy (mild) came up through me and that is slightly unusual for me these days. Then I started to get words through:
Kundalini can be utilised to raise vibration consciously. Once a certain vibration is reached, the information (truth) at that level is available to read, or is revealed. Like moving up and down the musical scales, different vibrational state can be accessed easily. Movement between them (like an elevator) is easily achieved. One floor is not necessarily better than another, once all are easily accessible by choice, one can move between at will and not get stuck in one place. It’s the getting stuck and not realising you can move, that is suffering. Once you realise you can move at will, suffering ceases, as does judgement and really, not floor is better or worse than another, they are just different, and preferences are fine to have.
Sexual ecstasy can be used in the same way, as can nature, like waterfalls, which can give access to the Nature Spirit dimension. Getting stuck in lower states can be avoided, or if it happens, then there’s always someone there to remind you . This is the benefit of having a group to consort with.
This movement describes resonance.
Food can be used – by omitting food of low vibration, one may access higher frequencies. Vibration however will not be sustained at this level because there is separation/judgement of ‘lower’ food, or energies. Transcendence is not lifting above, not going through. So, if there should be a time when vibration drops, and there will be because it’s not true higher vibe, but almost like artificially made higher state, then a crash will happen because there is still a frequency not embodied. By eating low/dense vibration food, and not judging it, one may bring consciousness to the lower states, thereby giving opportunity for growth and expansion to that state. Any judgement on anything will negate any chance that there is anything in that structure that may be utilised. All states exist in all humans at all times.
The ‘key’ is remembering that one can travel or move between frequencies.
Travelling to other locations horizontally (physical travel to locations on the planet) gives access to information and inter-action there too. Embodiment is helped by massage. Once one person accesses a frequency and embodies it, it is available to all at that level.
Penetration of Matter by Spirit. It’s about matching frequency.
You can travel ahead but you must circle around and collect the strays, the laggers-on and help them if you are one who can bridge the gap by having one foot in high and the other in low. Function – ascension.
I realised that though food was mentioned, this was but one example of how we may judge activities or organisations, such as the banking and financial sector, or government etc. Name your favourite dislike! It was also understood that making anything a villain, or hero, would inevitably lead to it becoming the other. Don’t take sides – build a bridge between them instead.
This is a time for collaboration. That the Cathars upheld each other comes across very clearly in that book, they looked out for each other and lifted each other when one was hurting, wounded, in pain. This is something we can do for each other, just by listening, chatting, being kind – it’s easy to help another like this and one feels lifted by the experience of doing so. If I am feeling low, then I must learn to reach out and let my dear ones know – and vice-versa. It doesn’t hurt or deplete me to allow love to flow through me if a dear one is feeling low. The key is the knowledge and awareness that it is possible to move between states of consciousness and that one is not ‘fixed’ in one place…this is also important when it comes to listening to a dear one in pain – they do not need to be fixed.
Earlier this year I was surprised to feel the inner calling to return to the south of France. I’d thought I was finished with France. I was even more surprised to feel a connection again to Mary Magdalene as I was certain I’d left all that behind, never to be re-visited. Then the Cathars popped in too and all sorts of resonant information started collating itself in my close connections, social media, inboxes and other such places. As I said, I was very surprised to find this connection alive again because as far as I was concerned, I’d seen through all of the illusion and had no desire to get back involved with any of it again. I’d visited the area about 10 years previously and also in 2014 with a group. Though my time there in 2014 was incredibly awesome, there were other aspects that I’d come into realisation about afterwards that lead to me withdrawing energy from the stories and people of the area. I remember that even in 2014 I was surprised to hear from Magdalene again, as I hadn’t been feeling much of a connection for some years. Truly, it’s a living mystery how these things come about!
In late 2013, and early 2014, I’d had two ‘callings’ from Magdalene in connection with the south of France. As it turns out, so had my friend Deborah. She emailed me “Magdalene is calling me, fancy going to the south of France with me?” Deborah and I had re-connected in 2014 in Malta/Gozo after several years of little contact between us – but one thing is for certain with Deborah and me, every time we met it was extremely activating for us both.
“Magdalene’s been calling me too, so yes!” I somewhat bemusedly found myself saying. We decided to organise a retreat and blend that with private time. I felt like it must be in September. We called our retreat “Initiation” and all I can say is, it certainly was! One major factor in our retreat was to leave space for the Unknown (Divine Mother ) to come in – I was very sure of this aspect though Deborah less so, she was always happy to trust my intuitive hits. Here’s how we put it:
“Our theme for the weekend is “Initiation”. Our intention is to invite the serpent-light power of Kundalini to awaken. We will be the crucible for Gaia’s Fire and our instructor will be Gaia Herself. And this is the exploratory part… we don’t know precisely what She will bring forth!”
Little did we know what this was setting off for us, and that our individual and joint stories would weave unexpected and unknown paths. In fact, I wonder at my own inexperience looking back – boy have I had initiation after initiation since then! I have also discovered since that our story wove with that of the Cathars as well as that of Mary Magdalene. When we discovered that there was a Cathar cave experience that the Cathar Initiates took part in we decided we simply had to include the cave expedition which several retreat participants decided to join us in too. Because of the turns my life took that summer, I never did blog about the retreat, sites and caves we experienced so I’ll be including that later on, but for now I’m skipping ahead to the story of the 2015 retreat.
“Till the wind shake a thousand whispers from the yew” – T.S. Eliot
It’s been just over three years since the yew incident in Devon which forms the main part for this blog, I’ve only recently felt to write about it. Before now, I never really seriously thought to put it into the written word and now that I have, I’ve really struggled in writing about it and it’s testing me in many ways.
Days of starting and not getting anywhere, going off on tangents and realising that they’re not tangents and unable to cope with trying to get a very large map into a readable format. There are layers of meanings within meanings and always there is a deeper level of understanding to drop into. But how does one paint the whole universe? By realising that one cannot not paint the whole universe in the first stroke? At least not unless one trusts that in every word, in every space, in what is said, and not said, is like a hologram that contains the whole. And by just being content with the content so far… and realising that sometimes the perfection of writing is that it is imperfect, and unfinished.
That hasn’t made it easier to write and I know now after struggling with it for weeks, that I am going through a deep initiation and learning as I write this piece. As I sit now writing this bit, I have just experienced a small panic attack and an intense urge to get up and do something else, anything to distract myself. I become quite agitated and get adrenaline rushes and hot flushes. I don’t know whether this is just about writing this particular piece or writing in general. Probably the two are not separate. I can only manage to write a few words, and a sentence or two takes more than 30 minutes! I think it’s partly because of the difficulties in either talking or writing without using a linear cause and effect model. I must write a poem about the experience of trying to write this stuff 😀 Certainly it would help if I could develop more of a sense of humour about it all – probably a good time for some laughter yoga! In writing this piece, I can actually see myself playing out on the micro scale the macrocosm of my life habits – the distraction, the focus on the little details like spelling, the seeming inability to trust the process, the constant allowing of interference, lack of focus, distraction by shiny things… the list goes on …and I’m betting all that sounds very familiar to a lot of people.
I suspect that this is just the beginning, and that I will be writing about this and in general from now on. One of the incredibly difficulties I find in writing is in trying to describe things from an holistic experience, rather than cause and effect, or storytelling in a linear fashion. I don’t know where to start and how to describe all the various directions my experience takes me in. This is because that even if not at the time, I now experience life as simultaneous potential (resonance) and not just in terms of cause and effect and a single forward moving timeline. I mostly always write from my direct experiences and will sometimes include additional material to help to explain or expand my findings. Sometimes this acts like validation for me. Also, I write in this style to keep it as pure as possible, I do not wish to translate it into ‘givens’ or create more dogmas from my findings. The point of experience or the sharing of it, is not control and knowledge – it’s not so one can say, ‘well this is the truth, and now I’m happy because I know the unknowable’.
Additionally, and interestingly, there are two very important things I’ve discovered during this process. 1) coffee is a shamanic plant medicine and can be engaged with as such. 2)My internal guidance telling me that ‘little and often’ is incredible wisdom for me, and not only does it work, it reveals so much more, and importantly, un-writes old unhelpful stuff and writes new neural pathways that have implications throughout my life. 3)I’ve forgotten what number 3 was.
Yews – Birth, Death, Resurrection
In the summer of 2014 I spent a week staying with a friend near Totness, Devon. A series of serendipitous happenings had contrived to bring me to this area again and I was feeling a sense of Grace in the unfolding of things. I’d wanted to re-visit Totness for a while.
Travelling down from Salisbury, I reached my friend’s home tired but very happy to be staying with her in her beautiful home in a stunning location in the Devon countryside. We’d only met once before, in Ireland when she popped into visit my partner in connection with a business matter – we’d felt a deep connection immediately and had wished we’d had more time together…and so here I was , taking her up on her invitation to come over and stay a few days with her. There was no set plan or agenda as such – just allowing whatever was to come forward to do so with ease. We’d be spending some time together and I’d was also wishing to see other friends there, facilitate some session work and also a workshop –plenty to do in only 6 days but given the grace and ease in which it had transpired so far, it was easy to let go and trust it would all work out nicely. RoseMarie mentioned some things and places of interest – Dartington House & Grounds, Buckfast Abbey and a couple of very old yew trees that she felt nudged to tell me about. We found ourselves sharing about the various yew trees we had each visited over the years. I recalled the lovely yews in Roslin Glen, and the famous old Fortingall Yew which I had visited on many occasions through the years.
Next day we met a friend of hers for lunch. My ears pricked up when I heard her mention Stoke Gabriel. When I was just starting my tantra and sacred sexuality work It was through archangel Gabriel that the name One Heart Tantra came to me. I met another friend Cathy the next day and we were discussing what to do. She mentioned she was about to move to Stoke Gabriel. Overhearing us, RoseMarie said there was an old graveyard with some yew trees.It was obvious to go there.
Connecting with the churchyard yews in Stoke Gabriel, I moved in to place my hands upon one. It was intimated to me that the function of yew is the sovereign of tree communication. They ‘rule’ the network as it were. Except that rule is not rule as us humans understand it to be. There was no sense of hierarchy whatsoever – this was their function and all things have their own function, one function is no better or scores higher or lower than another. This is simply what they do. Allowing my mind and feelings/senses to travel down into this communication network, I sensed that this vast, living network of communication, through the collective of trees, plants, flowers and fungi, was part of consciousness, our consciousness, and that humans were not separate from this consciousness of nature. Without wishing to limit it to such, I felt that this network below the surface of the earth was akin to our sub-conscious and there were things there that were buried, hidden from our everyday awareness. My mind travelled along the lines of communication, the living, organic network of roots from huge to micro sized and into the fungi that bridge the gaps. In that vast network in the earth I sensed secrets of human existence. I knew then that nothing has or indeed could be lost; it is all there waiting for us to discover it. Secrets are there, things that we have not allowed ourselves to know about who and what we are. This is the truth that we cannot yet bear to allow ourselves to know and it waits there until we have the capacity to face such truth. It includes a depository of understanding (that which stands under). The Yew intelligence intimated to me that all history, all things will be unearthed. It cannot be any other way, for nothing may be lost or hidden permanently. the ‘hidden’ things I’m referring to are both our history and the truth of our origins. I understood how it works in terms of ‘resonance’ rather than as ‘cause and effect’, that all of this information is coded and cannot be understood all at once, it is there, just not accessible, until it is. Think in terms of decoding the information. It depends on the decoder as to what information you get. Like re-reading a book some time later and you get new understandings because you have a new perspective; a wider bandwidth of information is now available to you.
The merge ended as quickly as it had begun – the whole process taking only around 5 minutes earth time¹. Without thinking, my mind immediately moved into the subject of child abuse and the horrific stories that were coming to light in that time period; the mass grave of nearly 800 babies and children believed to have been found at the Tuam Mother and Baby home in Co Galway² and the paedophile ring being uncovered in the UK around the same time. These were ‘stories’ that were coming to the surface of our awareness… they were becoming uncovered, unearthed.³ I didn’t try to analyse or even focus on what all this meant and then energy naturally shifted away and I noticed that my friend was sitting on a bench – she wasn’t involved and I don’t know she if noticed what was happening. I say this to let you know that there’s no fancy ceremony required in order to experience this type of communication – I just take the opportunities when they arise.
A day or two later my wonderful host took me to Dartington Hall, home of the Schumacher trust, famous for its transformational and holistic courses of which I had no idea of until this moment, but it now adds more understanding of the particular nature of the yew tree there. RoseMarie had taken a picture of this yew tree and had it framed and from the moment I saw it in her home I was fascinated by it’s form and energy. So after Stoke Gabriel yews, I was full of expectation and doing my best to let go of expectation! After walking and enjoying the gardens in general, and unwinding and relaxing, we felt it was our time to visit the yew. The tree is situated in the graveyard there and easily accessible. [Many of our oldest yews are situated in churches and graveyards because the use of yew wood for longbows yewsed up the vast majority of trees leaving the ones in ‘sacred’ places untouched. This one is said to be at least 1500 years old ]
Placing my hands on the yew’s trunk I tuned in. Though I felt a connection, nothing happened as it did at Stoke Gabriel. No words or messages, and actually I was a tad disappointed. Realising that despite my best efforts I did in fact hold expectation. Doing my best to divest of the last of that, I shrugged my shoulders and simply focussed on the moment. There still wasn’t anything happening except a sense of peace perhaps and I decided to be content with the simple things of pleasure and of being in this amazing place with amazing beings. We’d been out walking the gardens for a couple of hours and were feeling the call of the café. It was a beautiful day so we sat outside with our drinks and chocolate brownies (funny how there are some things you remember easily). Some minutes later I heard what sounded like thunder and then came loud thunder with lightning. I can’t say how but I know this was connected with our yew visit. We rushed back to the car anticipating rain which never came. We were headed for Totnes intent on continuing our plan for the afternoon. RoseMarie is extremely sensitive and was obviously picking something up from me and asked if I was okay. I was, and wasn’t. I was feeling very spaced out and in a kind of trance and feeling very tired and unable to function normally. It was hard to speak and was also feeling tired but didn’t want to mess up the plans. RoseMarie however realised something major was going on and told me she was taking me straight home and I was glad of that as the state only deepened. I just wanted to go to bed and sleep for a few hours.
Exhausted by the time we got back I crawled off into bed thinking I’d crash out in moments. Didn’t happen. Instead I went into an intense and extended ‘mystical revelation’ session. Laying on the bed I slipped more deeply into an expanded, almost thin, trance like state. I couldn’t say if I was being guided or whether things just became revealed; it was like a doorway had opened or the veil had been drawn aside for I was accessing information and seeing things from a different perspective, and just about everything I saw was inverted or opposite how we have believe/see it generally.
What I saw was that I/We as Spirit/Consciousness was in fact the one/s orchestrating reality. In particular, I saw how in the case of the paedophile investigation, I We (it’s both I and We) are orchestrating the revelations, bringing the information out, revealing the truth and our everyday selves are assimilating this truth. To be more accurate, as in the Stoke Gabriel vision, I understood things in terms of resonance, rather than cause and effect. Spirit in the form of many, is/are the one/s ‘in authority’. All the time, my everyday personality self experiences an outside authority of the police, the government, medical system, tax, border control and customs, school teachers, etc. and I think they have power to control, to decide, to lead. They don’t.
They do not lead or control events even though in their conscious experience they seem to. That’s all an illusion. Truth, as I saw it, is that I We are behind the scene (seen) orchestrating events. We are the ones in charge of how much is revealed and when. (Again, I saw this working through the law of ‘resonance’ rather than cause and effect). We are not at the mercy of authority. They are not in charge or leading these investigations, we are. There is a ‘false’ part of us, our persona, that we live life through, the truth is that there is another part of us far greater in power that is the ‘natural authority’. I couldn’t see that a hierarchal system exists , just an illusion of one. I saw ‘us’, as Spirit, with no conception of anything possible other than harmonious cooperation – though even those words are insufficient to describe the effortless doings/dance of Spirit. There are weavers who change the fabric of reality and I am one of those who is at present learning how to merge this function consciously with my persona. That’s about learning how to be my multidimensional self, whilst still function as ‘me’. Many, many of us are now going through this experience as awakening occurs, as more is revealed, as revelations happen, and our persona must learn to integrate these new things. It cannot happen all at once though as the vessel of the body persona is not resonant with the whole of the truth. Again, though it’s not about cause and effect, I am unable to describe in totality how I saw things without using cause and effect as I am still living partly in that construct.
The Yews continued to unveil information and it came thick and fast! There were so many things to look at that I knew I would only see a small portion. I moved away from that particular police investigation and started looking at how religious and esoteric symbols are corrupted: they are changed just a teeny bit and so continue to resonate with a lot of people, yet they are corrupted and the use of them disrupts and steals energy, which is syphoned into things most people would be horrified to think they are connected to. [It is up to each of us to become ever more discerning about how our energy is used – that’s where the gift of sensitivity comes into play.] There was so much information to see that most of it got filed away and hasn’t as yet been re-vised or re-visited. Also, it must be said that all of us are learning. Do not despair about this stuff as we as Spirit have it covered, and yet, we as people are able to be more than we currently are, and unveiling this ‘dark stuff’ is part of that process.
“When information that has been hidden from us is revealed we see more than just the information presented. For whatever is hidden contains within it the seeds of why it was hidden.” – Adam Elbass
Our interface with the world as we know it is our persona, and this persona is learning all the time. My persona (the me I think of as I) is learning all the time, and it is gradually seeing how things really work. Currently I am between two paradigms of understanding/interpreting life, partly I’m seeing and experiencing through cause and effect dynamics, and partly I’m experiencing events and things through the law of resonance. Put very simply, the law of resonance does not look at an effect being caused, it sees that all is there all of the time, only that some things are visible and available, some not. So through the law or resonance for instance, there is no mystery about which came first, the chicken or the egg, as both are the same thing, there is no separation, only the appearance of separation. [Like heads and tails of a coin.] The law of resonance does not have time nor space, only the appearance of them which separate things into ‘events’ in a timeline. So in the case of what the yews were showing me, was that nothing can be hidden or buried in truth, only the appearance of that, and things do not disappear, nor are they lost, they simply are not in our focus at a particular moment. That they are not available to us in one moment does not mean they are not available to us in another moment. Think of it like decoding information. It depends on the decoder as to what information you get. An example of that is re-reading a book some time later and getting new insights and understandings because you have a new perspective, a wider bandwidth is available to you. Another example is in translation from one language to another. It is easy for things to get lost or completely confused in translation, yet learning the language more thoroughly can give us a completely different translation, and experience.
The truth is that nothing may be separated from us, so if it’s of us, of me, of you, then it will be ‘returned’ (it will be experienced as a return, even though it was there all the time). I’m talking about karma here too of course. Those parts which we were unable to bear as us – what happens to them? Well, they appear to split off from us – banished as it were to another realm, perhaps the realm under ground. Because we send them away they take on a life of their own, and because they are us, they must ‘return’ to us one day. So karma is really just the understanding of cause and effect, and in the understanding, it is dissolved as the gap between cause and effect gets smaller, and understanding happens, and we see the dynamic and we close the gap! Well, that’s a very stripped down version of my understanding of karma and whilst I could write loads more on it it’s not going to be in this particular blog.
Getting back to the Yews, they are part of the collective consciousness, and a conduit to access the library of humanity, also know as the Akashic records. They can help us upgrade, unlock, clear DNA and ancestral patterns. It’s really about revealing what is the truth rather than changing anything. Rather like that scene in Lord of the Rings when the King of Rohan is possessed by Saruman, and when that is challenged by Gandalf, the untruth has to crumble away as it is not in resonance with the truth of who the man really is, which is sovereign. That analogy applies to each and every one of us. We must all go through that process. DNA, which is like a living library or our experiences, is not who we are, yet it is from this that our reality is created. When DNA clears and reveals, a new projected reality is created. The DNA is like a double helix spiral in our spine, one going up, one coming down, in a holographic form. Our spine may be called ‘The Codex of Illumination’. More DNA is being revealed in humanity now. DNA is a transmitter-receiver and can be reprogrammed.
It is fascinating to look at the relationship of similarities between trees, humans and books and how it all links into our history (his story, all stories): Some things to get you started: Family tree, branch of the family, our roots, biology of humans and trees is very similar, spine/trunk/spine of book, books made of paper from trees, so much information in books on ancestral history, inheritance, ownership of identity of one’s child, records of good and bad deeds, family relationships, statistics – these are all connected with trees and humans and just why this is is revealed piece by piece like a magical mystery tour. Oh, and let’s not forget about the The tree of the knowledge of good and evil for that is perhaps the key of the mystery of duality otherwise know as ‘The Fall’. Also the Celtic Ogham lliterally uses trees to describe life. There is a huge amount of information on Yews on the internet which gives the reader some idea of their role, yet in another way, barely touches upon the surface of these vast cosmic questions.
“The human quest for meaning in life, the ‘eternal questions’: Where do we come from? Where are we going? What will happen after death? Around the world we find the yew tree time and again associated with this part of human life, namely philosophy, religion, birth and burial rites. In many ancient cultures the yew was more than other trees part of a holistic, all-encompassing approach to life and death.” – Fred Hageneder
Following this exposé experience I did my usual mad internet surfing and researching work – I looked up all the so called sacred symbols and saw how they’d been distorted (apologies but I really don’t want to go into this in detail, mainly because it is not helpful to anyone to be shown stuff, it can interfere with one’s own path, but I feel it’s okay to mention it as each may ask their own inner teacher and do their own research.) I didn’t research Yews though till I got home to West Cork. Then I found an incredible amount of information that totally fitted with my experience with the yews. I’d forgotten just how connected the mythology and sacred symbology of yew was with my experience. Just Google search ‘yew tree symbology’ and you will find a huge amount of information which you will see is very intimately aligned with my experiences. I continued searching, looking for something else, yet not knowing what. Then even my mind was blown by finding that the police called the paedophile investigation Operation Yew Tree. That was staggering. After that discovery I took some time to let it settle, then things turned very challenging at home as my partner announced he was leaving and that all took centre stage. Looking back, I can see how one thing lead to another, and a period of some time followed where I experienced much descent into darkness akin to mythological stories. Really, the Yews connection is not easy…Love will destroy all that is not Love and that is that. That particular yew tree ‘episode’ is only one chapter over a lifetime of chapters that reveal my own story, my own living myth. Even though yews were not centre stage, they continued to work away in the back ground of my awareness, and I am only just beginning to piece together just how they are so intimately connected with our own collective and individual history and stories.
More is revealed the more you look, where your attention goes, things are revealed, whatever you are fascinated with persists. Observe, witness, perceive. Dig into things yourself if you wish to know more. Trees in general I believe hold the key to how we find our place here on planet earth, and by extension, in the greater cosmic order. Connecting to trees, and to nature will help us to find our place in the world, it helps us to get in touch with our roots, and not just our family tree roots, but our cosmic roots. We will move from being like an earth orphan to earth child who feels totally at home, welcome and a part of all life here, nourished and nurtured and given physical life, to be here now. This is moving away from hierarchical thinking of survival of the fittest and fighting another for limited resources, this constant struggle for existence and belief we have to pay our way, to earn the right to exist. All of that is disappearing if we allow it to.The opportunity then is to open to seeing that we can shift from separation consciousness to unity understanding, so as a collective we feel connected, and in touch with each other, the whole, (holistic) and move away from competition with each other, as we wake up to realise (real-eyes) that we are in fact all individuations of the same source. This is how trees can help as they are holding that consciousness already; they understand the difference between hierarchical mentality and functional order. This does not mean imposing ideas of what we think works though, and we must keep an open mind and heart to be available to constant upgrades. Never before has it been so clear to me that I cannot hang my hat on what I think I know, because it becomes obsolete so quickly. Trees are part of the collective and hold a key to our new awareness, as we hold a key to theirs. Exactly what that is will be revealed to those who ask!
In conclusion for this part of the post,it is a co-inside-dance how the timing of this blog coincides with me attending the awesome Yew Tree Mysteries with Michael Dunning this past weekend in Ormiston. Finding Michael’s work has confirmed so much of my own revelations and introduced astounding new information too.
My Yew magical mystery tour continues as I type today and much is unfolding, so there will be more writing to come on this topic as I explore and learn more about our DNA and reprogramming it, healing the ancestral lineage, how we can work with sexuality and healing that, and I suspect also I will discover more about touch, which has formed such a large part of my learning and love of tantra massage and sacred sexuality work in the past.
I am blessed and deeply appreciative to have two very dear companions/collaborators to explore and adventure with – C and P, from the depths of my heart, thank you. I am excited to see what our new adventures will bring.
“Three lifetimes of the yew for the world from its beginning to its end.” ~ The Book of Lismore ~
“In early times, the darkly glorious yew-tree was probably the only evergreen tree in Britain. Both Druids with their belief in reincarnation, and later Christians with their teaching of the resurrection, regarded it as a natural emblem of everlasting life. Its capacity for great age enriched its symbolic value. The early Irish regarded it as one of the most ancient beings on earth. Yew is the last on a list of oldest things in a passage from the fourteenth century Book of Lismore: ‘Three lifetimes of the yew for the world from its beginning to its end.’ http://www.druidry.org/library/trees/tree-lore-yew
“Yew is often named among the most ancient trees in the world and, according to some sources, may as well be the oldest-living one. Understanding the Yew principle is crucial for understanding the Universe itself, for this wood holds a key to the mystery of Creation; thus, the importance of Yew cannot be underestimated. Not without reason Yew, not Ash, is sometimes thought to be the original ‘World-tree’ of Scandinavian mythology (though considering them ‘the same tree’ seems more appropriate). Despite the implied greatness, Yew symbolism is rather dark. This tree is known as the death tree almost in all European countries, and its connection with destructive workings is obvious. By the way, this danger is not purely ‘symbolical’; Yew is indeed very poisonous. It contains the dangerous alkaloid which can invoke hallucinations and even cause death. However, the ‘death’, personified by Yew, must be seen not as ‘elimination’, but rather as ‘transformation’, as gaining the new quality, or as a passage to another world. Due to that fact, Yew has a strong association with Life as well as with Death. The symbolical vitality of this tree is emphasized by some of its physical characteristics: the Yew tree’s branches grow into the ground; and when the central trunk dies, the tree lives on. This fact, probably, has lead to another aspect in the Yew archetype; namely, to its ‘preceding symbolism’, which means connection with past and especially with ancestry (most likely, with ‘ancestry through the blood’, as the Yew tree personifies the material aspect of Being).
Using Yew in magical and spiritual rituals is questionable. It is very powerful tree with deep, complicated symbolism; and as such has a wide range of possible uses, especially in all workings dealing with the essential transformation. In addition to that, it can induce visions, protect from aggression, enhance magical and psychic abilities, etc. However, in most cases Yew is not recommended for magical tools. The main cause for this restriction lays not in the connection with dark works, as one can easily (and mistakenly) assume. The point is that the Yew energies are not fully manageable. They are shapeless, non-consistent, and almost ‘chaotic’. The majority of people even aren’t able to understand their true nature. As a result, the effect of using them can be unpredictable and often disastrous.
Anyway, it is important to remember: Yew, as the tree of Creation, symbolizes not Death, but Love (no matter how strange and illogical it may seem).
Keywords: Essential transformation, striving for life, rebirth, mystery of life, ancestry through the blood, connection with the past, darkness, chaos, power, poisonous aggression, pain, suffering, illusion, death, destruction. The main principle of created Universe and Love as the main cause of Creation. http://www.unfading.net/yew.html
Lynn’s commentary and footnotes:
1 – There is no limit in time in such experiences as they are holistic or multi-dimensional, non linear. I find it extremely challenging writing or talking about a multi-dimensional experience – it’s impossible to use linear language to express the multi-dimensional, one of the issues I find is that I cannot keep a linear storyline going – that just doesn’t work anymore. I can’t describe or report things in terms of cause and effect and this frustrates me somewhat!
2 – I was living in West Cork and driving up to Dublin when I first heard about the mass gave at Tuam. I hardly listen to the news, nor the radio when driving but this day I was. As I caught the thread of the story, I couldn’t stop listening – I had to continue despite the deepest horror and grief surfacing from deep within me. I couldn’t explain why I felt such a huge emotional charge – I’d struggled before with the subject and could hardly watch the Magdalene Sisters for instance, yet what I was experiencing now was far beyond that. I listened to all the radio reports and talks for about 3 hours, till I got to my friend’s home in Bray. Later on that evening as I shared about it with her, we both had that ‘larger than life’ feeling , like a watershed moment or an awakening/remembering of sorts. Looking back now, some 3 years later, it is clear that an initiation happened, both personally for us two, and collectively in society. At the time, it is easy to think that these larger than life experiences mean things will change overnight; one is filled with a sense of freedom and unstoppable power. In retrospect, it is seen that these initiations are simply part of the whole cycle and time is required in order to integrate experience. For example, many, many people are desperate and frustrated because full disclosure is not happening, or that the authorities refuse to carry out adequate investigations, or that the general population are not caring, or waking up to the truth. They believe that a full expose is needed immediately and they are in despair that these things continue to happen. Much anger is felt, and impotence along with the frustration. I get this, totally get this. Yet what I also see is that we only expose ourselves to that which we are ready to receive. Shifts happen and integration is required. It is just not obvious that we are integrating: it looks like we don’t care.
Caring about others takes second place to personal survival, and we are talking about personal survival running the show albeit unknown to the conscious mind. There is much collective and personal fear on these issues – it is not so simple to just expose the truth as we might think we know it for there is nothing less than the truth of our very existence as humans being tied up in all of these hidden stories. Revealing the truth of what humanity really is not just a change of game for society – it’s actually a totally new way of being human. Sounds incredible and very desirable of course, yet the process of evolving is unknown, and fearful to the established order within and outside. Even what appears to be an obvious issue to expose without hesitation is bound very tightly by the threads of fear. Most people struggle even to comprehend the atrocities and quite frankly just don’t even get as far as looking at their own reactions. Some of my Irish female friends have been extremely distressed when I’ve shared even a little on the topic of mother and baby homes in Ireland. I’ve seen high levels of fear and avoidance happen and one or two ‘confessed’ they are completely unable to ‘go there’ – these are not women who have been directly affected by being personally involved. Yet obviously they are being affected and personally involved to one extent or another because we are part of the collective. This is just one example of the stuff that is buried in us that we don’t even know how personally we are affected until something disturbs it. There is very little support for, or awareness of how the collective is affected by the revelations of horrific things happening in the world. It’s no wonder that people are so tempted to become numbed/dumbed down, though there are things that are helping such as organised grieving days, death cafes, remembrance and honouring events etc.
For me personally, I go through cycles of what appears to be awakening and then going back to sleep… every once in awhile it’s very active inside and then goes dormant again. That may or may not coincide with something public happening such as a news story or film, book etc. I’m not an activist and often have experienced conflicting emotions and thoughts regarding my role, what to do or not to do. Though I can read or watch things now that leave me feeling uncomfortable, it’s taken me many years of practise to get to this point where I can read or watch something and stay in the discomfort. When I first started to read about the hidden horrors of paedophilia for instance, I was so horrified and shocked to my core that I wasn’t able to face it and reacted with denial in one way or another. It’s taken me a long time to start to write about this stuff so I can see why the human collective has not yet been able to face these atrocities. At this point, I would like to say that this blog is not an attempt to solve the problems of society nor to pass judgement and I am not offering any solutions here, I am sharing my experiences. In fact, one of the things that has kept me from sharing on some of these deeper and complex issues is I may feel a sense of guilt, hopelessness, anxiety or frustration at not presenting a happy ending in the form of a solution or a neat package of full understanding. And in this case, I am talking about human consciousness, our existence, and our potential, so there is no neatly packaged presentation that I can offer in the form of a beginning, middle and end of story.
I’m organising a nature retreat in the Trossachs area in Scotland for Sept 29th – Oct 1st, 2017. For the past few days I’ve been immersed in writing and re-writing about it. It’s simple, yet it’s been a big deal for me to move into being okay with the simplicity of it. Workwise, I’ve gone through a huge transition since pulling back from the tantric work I was offering. This has not just been about trying to find the write words; it’s been about moving into a deeper part of myself, leaning into the Lynn-ness, integrating and embodying (interesting that the word ‘dying’ is within the word embodying) and becoming less of me in so many ways, and in the process, becoming more.
This is my first offering of this kind and it will launch a new endeavour I received a few months ago when meditating at Bracklin Falls in Callander. A new chapter of healing started after I returned from living in Ireland; a very deep process, and central to that was Nature and elemental beings. I started taking even more time in nature, alone, walking, sitting by waterfalls, communing with trees, taking in the beauty of nature, slowing down into stillness and allowing my mind and emotional space to be less complex, divesting myself of deeper and deeper layers of conditioning and fears. I felt called to do this, an essential thing my soul insisted upon. My experiences, and photographs, of nature changed, they became more alive, more multi-dimensional. I found a new term, multi-sensual, which describes perfectly the wholistic nature of life of experience and experiencer.
At Bracklinn Falls that day I received the first insights into a new endeavour, a body of work, part of which is offering retreats for groups of people and elementals to come together in magical, playful, creative collaboration with each other and the elemental beings. This information is part of the story of my whole life expression – I could say it’s the result of all the years of being interested in nature, metaphysics, mysticism, tantra etc etc, yet the truth is that I cannot separate things anymore into cause and effect, so I see the information that came through simply as another chapter in the story of my life expression.
Some years ago, I realised that we (elementals and humans) each hold the key to each other’s fulfilment of potential (growth) – this now became a reality for me. They are our missing piece as we are theirs. For us, they can help us in areas especially where we have most fear; death, sexuality, other realities/dimensions, duality, spirituality, self-sovereignty. And how we help them? Well, that an important thing and what we get to find out in due course will be enlightening. Their story is not separate from ours, just as on a coin, heads is not separate from tails.
Later on I received further information which expanded on the original vision and gave an overall plan for the ‘Body of Work’ which is to explore and develop an organic, multi-sensual, multi-dimensional connection and multi-media collaboration with Nature. In seeking a name, I later consulted my favourite Oak Tree (as you do) at the Doon Hill Fairy Walk in Aberfoyle. I was guided to another tree spirit who brought forward the name “Nature My Temple”.
It’s taken months to integrate these experiences and it’s been very challenging to write about it, and even more so to try to put into words the non-teaching, non-hierarchal nature of these interactions and in turn, the new retreats. How could I offer an event that wasn’t based on teaching or guidance or suggestive of some sort of shift in consciousness, some sort of ‘reward’ or some solution to a problem? How would that be appealing? I’ve been advised that people want to know what their investment will give them. Well, the truth is that I don’t know, and more so, that having an agenda cannot yield realisation. Over and over again I’ve caught myself trying to solve the problem of having an agenda on having no agenda. Lol. Thing is that any reason for doing something, adding any ‘because’ to anything will only push ‘First Cause’ away. Because, there is no ‘because’, there is only ’Be Cause’. (Lol. Did you see that? Using ‘because’ to talk about the untruth of the word?)
Sometimes, it is easier to say what somethign is not than to say what it is. I always found that to be the case when trying to describe what tantra is for instance. About this new work and the retreats/events, I can safely say that it is most definitely not about trying to fix, or solve a problem, or add to anything or anyone.
So, I have done my best to describe the event without adding agenda or raising expectations, though inevitably that will happen and divesting ourselves of such does take practise and persistence. I think though that the best way for me to say it is in the elementals own words:
“We come here and be. We open to stillness and spaciousness in space, thought and time. Join us here where realities intersect.”
Over many years now I’ve been having shamanic experiences in nature. It’s taken me to now to be ready to offer this as a Body of Work, Nature My Temple. I’ve written about some of my experiences over the years on this blog, and have added them to the NatureMyTemple category here in my blog so you can find them if you wish to know more about my nature orientated organic shamanic folding and unfolding journey.
Here are the details of the first event in the Trossachs, Sept 29th – Oct 1st. I’m calling it the first even as it was the first one to come to me, and even though I most likely will be going to The Cathar region in France and offering an event there in early September, this one still feels like it will be the first one. That’s the rather strange experience of living in a multi-dimensional reality. At least it is strange until I get used to it. The event is on Facebook and you may also contact me via email at NatureMyTemple@gmail.com.
Waterfalls and Tree Spirits
Sept 29th – Oct 1st, 2017, join Lynn for a retreat weekend that honours the sacredness of Nature and the sacredness of Self. In communion with Nature we may remember our own true nature, our own unique role, and how that contributes to the whole. This is a journey with many dimensions, many destinations and many diversions! The elemental beings are inviting us to ‘weave a living myth with nature’ – a creative collaboration with them and Mother Earth in conscious evolution.
In coming together in Nature we will weave this living story and our own myth will emerge from the symbols of individual experiences. For each person they will be both the whole story and part of the group story at the same time – as above, so below. Each may know themselves as a unique and essential part of the collective. The Elementals will help us to find and honour our own role and presence whilst at the same time, not putting any pressure of performance on ourselves.
“We come here and be. We open to stillness and spaciousness in space, thought and time. Join us here where realities intersect.”
The theme for this retreat is Waterfalls and Tree Spirits, and that in knowing ‘samenesses’ and ‘differences’ we may know, grow and appreciate more of life. The essence is yin; water, wood, inner space, emptiness, silence, stillness, spaciousness, softness, sharing. The intention is simplicity and that less is more. The outcome may be a gift for self, and/or something to share; a symbol, an insight, an image, a word, a story, a tale, a joke, a song, a movement, a drawing, a sign or silence. It is part of the vision that our sharing will be put online in a simple presentation format.* In this way, it will stay alive, weaving a living myth of our time together, and being the foundation of many to come, more multi-sensual retreats/presentations will join it and as each new person interacts with it, it will become more, as they will too. This is how Weaving a Living Myth works.
*Nature changes and adapts all of the time. It is not a given that sharings are put online, though it is part of the overall vision for NatureMyTemple to publish online. It’s my intention that each feels free to contribute without judgment or the need to validate one’s sharings, and the vision to share online forms a testimony to this. I will always seek agreement prior to publishing online. This could be anonymously if desired. Anything shared remains the property of the experiencer. My intention is to eventually use the ‘Prezi’ application, and I’d love to hear from anyone who has experience, or feels they can assist in working with this. This is a work in progress and will continue to develop in creative collaboration.
Looking through my journal for some notes, I came across this little piece I wrote a few months ago. It speaks of the experience of contraction after expansion. After the Ecstasy, the Laundry, as Jack Kornfield put it.
The dawn was grey and unpromising
Another one like so many before
Heavy was the first wave of weariness and with pain fast on its heels, it crashed once more onto my heart.
How much more I wondered.
How much more before I can take no more?
Following my plan for the morning, I went about my business not allowing complete despair to root in me again.
Reminding myself of that which I knew; it’s okay, just be with it, I sang to alieve the pain of dread. Could I ever hope that the shift would last?
Or am I doomed to be teased by Clearsight only to have it snatched away overnight?
Thank you for your interest, for your time you are giving me, to check in, tune in, read, connect here with me, right now. Your choice in reading this, and my choice writing it, have together formed a relationship, a partnership of the moment, and however brief that might be it does not lessen the importance of our connection, for what we are really doing is collaborating in consciousness.
I’m not getting carried away here in self-importance or aggrandising such an everyday thing, yet at the same time, I am tuning into the depth and importance of such everyday encounters. It’s easy in the world of outer success that we are driven and often beholden to, to realise the meaning of life. I, writing these words now, and YOU reading them, is lifefullness. I remind myself to slow down and breath as it is easy to lose the delicate fullness of being in perfect poise in both stillness and in flow where I am neither pushing nor being pushed, nor pulling or being pulled, by life’s streams.
It’s my birthday today and it’s very different to last year’s birthday, which was the best birthday celebration I’d had for many years. Surrounded by friends and lovers, I felt totally alive, and totally loved. That didn’t last and that particular collaboration in consciousness had fallen apart by the end of the summer. That story is for another time and for now and it’s enough to say I was utterly devastated by being ostracised by some very close and dear people. It’s a complicated story, and I took leave of Ireland as the situation was untenable to me, and I returned to Scotland to hibernate. This is my first blog since then.
It has taken rest, inner work and accepting help to come back to me. I’ve also consciously collaborated with other people; that have been the hardest in a way, as I felt broken apart and it was very hard to trust again. I’m still building on that, and honing my discernment so that I take care of myself first and foremost. It’s so tempting to isolate and stay away from others… though even if some of that is inevitable, it’s been really important to reach out to be with others, and begin the process of learning to trust oneself, and life again.
One such conscious collaboration I became a part of was a book called 365 Life Shifts. A Facebook friend invited me to become a contributing author and normally I would have steered away, yet something told me to take a second look. The book was to be part of a bestselling series birthed by Jodi Chapman and Dan Teck. I’d been trying to author my own book for a year or too and hadn’t got very far and I was feeling a bit low about that, and overwhelmed by the thought of everything that was involved. Looking into the details of the offer I was immediately impressed with the amount of assistance available at every stage of the way, and the great community spirit building amongst the organisers and the authors. Quite a few of the authors had contributed to the previous two books in the 365 series, and I was encouraged enough to take a leap of faith and join in!
The book was published on 21 Feb this year and I can honestly say that the best part of it has been the group endeavour, the incredible collaboration that over 250 people agreed to take part in. Yes it is awesome to be published too! Yet the support, encouragement, enthusiasm and dedication that have been a constant on the book journey is nothing short of amazing, and has lifted me up and held me when I felt like I had nothing left to give. At times I was unable to play more than a very small role as I was still processing deep grief and pain, yet here I am part of a greater whole and the book is getting fantastic reviews. Over 250 beautiful souls contributed their heartfelt stories in it! I’m full of admiration and deepest gratitude – it’s been a very deep life changing experience for me, and very healing too.
Sadly one of our authors, Vicky Mitchell passed away very recently – I didn’t know her, nor had I communicated with her personally, yet when I read of her sudden passing I felt such deep grief, like she was family. Which of course she is.
Last week a friend bought the book and asked me to sign it. My first ever ‘autograph’! As an early birthday present he gave me another book which funnily enough, was another collaborative book, this one on trees. Thank you for being a part of my life, and for allowing me to play a role, however big or small, in yours.
This blog is dedicated to Jodi and Dan, and to Spirit who inspired, and to everyone who contributed, and of course to all those who read it.
You can get your copy here, and there are 70 bonus gifts to claim too!
You can do it too!!! If you would like to follow in our footsteps and be a contributing author to the next book Goodness Abounds, please read more here.
No, not alone but with thoughts and feeling of loss, sadness and grief of that which has been lost, or not accomplished. Taking a breath, letting it go. Allowing the next breath to come to me; to welcome it, to receive it fully, without effort.
In a dream of fluid reality, my thoughts swim out to the sea, emptying the mind with each departing wave. Incoming, the waves gently arrive on the shore. As with the breath, there is always something coming and going…
Then, a new, old wave, intones in this rarely empty mind: ‘Oh broken spirits of yesteryear, come unto me and I shall make you whole again.’
Looking down, I noticed a small silver fish; it was swimming towards the sand rocks, determined and vigorous in its course.
“How shall I see thee?” I asked.
“You shall see me where and when thee needs to for it is thee that is the Source of all things – thou doesn’t knoweth this yet as Truth… until then you must look to find the infinite within the finite as that is where the mind blips out of existence and no-thing can hide the Truth of Love.”
A dog barked in the distance, a reminder to be doggedly determined. Not to give up but to continue as a barking dog does, not exactly knowing what is happening but following some inner prompt of a disturbance that needs attention. Attention, attention, the dog barks – pay attention!
Some years ago I was interacting with an archangel called Ariel. These interactions took the form of both channelled sessions and more intimate personal interaction through the mind/heart. In the channelled sessions I got to exchange verbal communication which was wonderful, and dialoguing with an 11th dimensional entity was tremendously exciting to me, especially as I’d been fascinated with angelic consciousness for some years. Ariel was a fabulous teacher and a wonderful friend – I was profoundly moved each time we connected through the channel, who was Isaac George, my partner at the time. Thanks to Isaac and Ariel, I got to explore many metaphysical topics and matters of conscious evolution as well as very personal issues and healing too.
There was one session which included a conversation about the nature of consciousness, which was a common topic of ours. When talking of consciousness, what needs to be understood is that perspective changes everything and the nature of consciousness depends entirely on individual perspective and as such is not a static understanding, but a fluid, ever changing knowing, of understanding, and lack of understanding. However, that does not distract from the power of the moment in which I saw clearly for the first time how consciousness acts upon itself to ‘reunite’ itself.
As Ariel talked, I listened with my whole body, allowing the body and mind to soften, relax and open and did not attempt to interpret or analyse what I was hearing. (This is a method I recommend and continue to employ and share today.) What I saw was that consciousness is all that there is. There is consciousness that knows this, and there is consciousness that doesn’t remember this (yet). That which knows acts upon that which does not know. Or it could also be said that as we remember and align with ourselves, everything re-constitutes itself to reflect/show that. Ariel explained “When you embody the Source consciousness with your particular faculties, you are in a position to demonstrate it. And when you are in a position to demonstrate it and you do that, everything around you re-constellates without you even thinking of doing that.” This is consciousness acting upon itself.
I saw completely without doubt or any possibility of failure, that consciousness will succeed in having its way, because there is nothing other than consciousness, and in truth there is no ‘way’ as such. There is no stopping consciousness. Indeed, even to use the word ‘stop’ infers it is possible to stop, and this is simply not the case. One might say consciousness is like the most virulent, unstoppable virus affecting everything in its path, with nothing escaping; but this still does not fully describe the truth, power and ‘isness’ of consciousness.’ It is all there is. There is no success or failure possible, everything just ‘is’.
This was a tremendously exciting vision of the nature of consciousness and it gave me incredible hope and trust in the world we live in. I came into the peace of knowing that there is really nothing that needs to be done. I knew it was simply a matter of time till consciousness ‘healed’ itself and that, whilst I may wish things to speed up and improve, I had to let all ideas of timing go. It was a process already under way and I was but a part of a great ocean and yet that ocean would not be the same without me. Session over, but still contemplating this revelation, I wandered out into the back garden and just stood in the beautiful evening sunshine in the midst of nature, in the quiet of the countryside near to Loch Lomond. A thought crossed my mind that as I must be patient, it was indeed the most idyllic location to be patient in and my heart opened more with the gratitude of being here, immersed in nature, and through that, connected with the world as a whole. I saw myself in future moments, coming out here again and again, standing in this beautiful place and just feeling the world soul, nature and the humans within it. In such timeless moments we become aware of the eternal nature of who we really are.
As I breathed and meditated with this, my mind opened to a question, “I wonder what how this transformation of consciousness will actually look like as it happens. How will things change?”
An image arose in my mind of women going out into their back yards, gardens, to small concrete or paved areas, out onto the back street, on the beach, in the woods, somewhere, anywhere, but standing out there and sounding their voice without inhibition. I saw ordinary women from all over the world doing this. Some were screaming, some howling, others crying, or shouting, or yelling, some were doing all of the above. Some of these women were shouting because they were happy, some were very sad and full of grief, others so angry and as mad as hell. There were anxious, fearful women and those who were joyful and ecstatic. There were those who were quietly, desperately depressed and hopeless. Many women were lonely and isolated. All ordinary, no matter who or what they were, and their ordinariness was remarkable; it did not matter who the woman was, or what she had or hadn’t done in the world, her voice was her voice, unique and welcome on Earth. They were just doing what all women may do naturally when not concerned with how it looks or whether they’ll be called unreasonable, hysterical or emotional – they were just being themselves. They were women who on one level or another, were awakening to the truth of their feelings; they were not thinking about their feelings, they were expressing them, in the moment.
What struck me as most remarkable was that each woman was simply just doing ‘her thing’ with no preconceived idea of whether it would change anything or indeed matter in any way at all. I saw thousands of women around the globe doing this, yet I saw no plan or coordinated event, no direction, no aim; in fact, nothing but the wild cry of woman. Every woman is whole and autonomous; a universe in herself, diverse, unique and at the same time part of a collective. I understood that the collective does not come first; the individual experience must come first, and from there a collective forms itself, naturally. We’ve had the collective ideal, ‘for the greatest good of all’ and it doesn’t work. Whilst there is a common situation, we cannot rely on current ideologies to ‘fix’ things because that is exactly what happens – they get ‘fixed’ in place and are unmovable, dead, devoid of life. Unity cannot be imposed upon self by some higher grand idealism – it must come as a side-effect of coming into wholeness on an individual basis. Truly there is no greater good for the whole if it compromises an individual’s sovereignty.
In this vison of transformation, individuation is where the power is, not on any belief of solidarity. That does not render solidarity as undesirable. All it means is that for there to be the realisation of full potential for humanity, sovereignty or autonomous self, oneself must come first and foremost. Why? Because the very act of each being themselves creates a whole, a harmony that is wild and free, not forced or contrived, borne of effort and trying to change something; neither was it derived from thoughts that ‘we should’ or ‘it ought to be this way or that’.
This is why the uncoordinated, unplanned, unrehearsed, combined voices of women, long unsung and longing to be heard, do in fact matter, and matter quite literally. For what I saw was these unrehearsed, spontaneous cries joined together through sympathetic vibrations, growing through resonances into powerful waves of sound that quite literally break up matter. They were turning into dust all that is not in harmony with nature; it reminded me of the old biblical story of the Walls of Jericho. I saw the old world quickly crumbling away and new harmonious buildings and infrastructure taking the place of that which is out of harmony. It happened very rapidly in my vision, like a movie on fast forward. I realised it would not really happen like that; it would more likely be a very gradual process and the power of the resonant waves of women would change the world.
It was staggering to see how potentially powerful our own sound is and that each one’s voice affects the whole. When we are spontaneous, free and unrehearsed, we are in the moment and there is no separation of self from experience. It is so powerful that, even without trying to change anything, everything will change, as we simply do what we’ve held back for centuries, let free our cry of the wild.
A final thought entered my mind: That which has been made, may be unmade.
With thanks to Peter, a retired physicist friend of mine who helps me make sense of these experiences and put them into understandable concepts. Edited by Andrew Jurascheck
“Everything is determined, the beginning as well as the end, by forces over which we have no control. It is determined for the insect as well as for the star. Human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper.” ~ Albert Einstein