The Spectre of Grief

This I wrote 1.5 years ago.  ‘Tis only now that I can share it… and it still feels a little too much too share even now…but here goes.


The Day

The terror of a thousand dark nights of the soul compressed into one terrifying moment.

Then another and another…

Anguish ripping the fabric of my reality, tearing my world apart.

Unravelling in seconds what took years to construct.




The Next Day

Hard to believe that yesterday was the worst day of my life. So far at least … for today soul has resurfaced its eternal optimism of Being, impressing upon my fallen heroes a new will to survive, a new adventure to be had and shared … and then,

Dark despair arises, sheer terror once more as all the monsters and demons I once believed slain are resurrected in their splendid horror.

Shame floods my body in honour of some long forgotten, if ever known memory and the spectre of grief is wearing my face once more.

Another moment, unaware, happy and engaged, is dashed as I remember I’ve lost him – the story has changed…

I puzzle at the swift change from happiness to despair – what does this despair rest its case on I wonder?


reflections of the soul by charley celis

One thought on “The Spectre of Grief

  1. heartwhispererblog January 16, 2016 / 10:56 pm

    I witness your experience of despair, alongside terror, anguish, shame and grief; and I also acknowledge the feelings in me which show something deeply held. Like circular memories inside the rings of a cut tree trunk, I honour and thank you for honestly revealing and fearlessly sharing your ‘present’ awareness with us in words, which is a real gift.


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